MOOP!

Yesterday I wrote a longish todo-list post at the train station, and then neither did anything with it nor posted it. At this point it's not...it's not irrelevant, it's my end-of-year list and I still have to do the majority of that, but it seems less interesting to try and post exactly that.

I am glad that I managed to prep my second-to-last assignment for each class today (study guide and review for Geometry, group final for Algebra). The Alg was extra-easy because my wonderful coworker Sarah had put together a pretty great assignment and left it in google drive for me to find this morning and adapt without too much trouble at all. I suspect I will give the students a nice surprise on the third day of it and tell them they only have to finish two of the three pages, their choice of which ones they do.

Next year I am teaching all-geometry-all-the-time and getting out of the MultiLingualEd game. I'm still cackling about getting to be in a ~PeerLearningCommunity~ with my workbestie, because we are going to rev each other up so much and cause...hopefully genuinely cause some good trouble wrt disrupting grading schemes and stuff.

(It was really funny that at Class Day, Clayton and differentcoworkerRachel started to really get into the weeds about grading and pedagogy, and I just sliiiiiid on over the bench away from them and to Rachel's older kiddo and was all "read anything good recently?". She gave me a recommendation that sounds great, so I'm looking forward to trying that one.)

((Also, I think it's cute as hell that cool nerdy kids nowadays use "it's super queer" as a selling point for fiction when recommending it to others.))

I have nine more days, 27 more classes, one more field day. Still bunches of last-minute grading, but I at least did a big chunk today, and I'll hopefully get more done tomorrow. I'm not allowed to do any of my personal digital organizing projects until I've finished it, which feels deeply unfair (I want to be doing these organizey things!) and also very sensible.

Next year I have a student teacher. I have no idea how that's going to work out.

And that's where we're at, more or less. Happy almost done.

~Sor
MOOP!

Heyo it’s pride month! Happy Pride, if that is something you celebrate in your particular version of yourself.

I’d love to hear what gender/romantic/sexuality identity words you are currently using, regardless of whether you think I know them or not (and regardless of whether or not you feel they qualify under the pride umbrella! I’m interested in knowing if you’re cis and allo and het too!). Drop a comment!

Here are mine:

I was really really really fascinated when I did the Gender Census and actively did not select nonbinary, because that is the word I use most often or maybe it’s just the word I use most often in front of [presumed] cishet people. But my gender is really “agender” or “genderneutral” or “genderqueer” or just “queer”. It’s not _exactly_ that I don’t have a gender, it’s more that my gender is a series of play and performance and not a singular identity? I’m not sure on that, I’m going to keep poking at that one (especially because despite the sound of it, I don’t usually use the term “genderfluid”.) Anyways, my pronoun is “they”¹ and my title is “mx” and both of those make me so fucking happy every time I hear someone using them.

Romantically, I am “queer” first and foremost, but I also use bisexual pretty often and gay occasionally. Historically I have been attracted to and dated men (to the point where I sometimes joke I am the worlds worst lesbian –I have kissed a substantial number of FAAB people who later do not identify as female) but in more recent years it’s been pretty clear that I am attracted to queerness, whatever that means. I date very few people who are both cis and het (and indeed, my own gender means people who seriously date me cannot be irrevocably straight.)

Romantically I am polyamorous, and aim to not be the nesting/primary partner for any of my partners. I have been known to say both “my primary partner is work” and “my primary partner is dance” and I stand by at least the latter of those. I am in five serious relationships and have a small handful of comets or flirtations, some of which seem never to go anywhere. I keep a list of everyone I’ve ever kissed/fucked/dated and sometimes put future speculation on there because I am a horrible gremlin but also at this point I am interested to find out if I have enough historical data to actually make longterm predictions.

Sexually, I am slutty. Bodies are so _so_ attractive to me, and I wind up Noticing Respectfully people just about everywhere I go, because dang, have you seen people? People are so hot. Like...so many people are so hot. I have a lot more experience and confidence with penis-based-anatomy than with vulva-based anatomy. I don’t receive PiV intercourse, and I don’t believe in orgasms as the point of sex, which means my sex sometimes looks very different from what people might think. I am kinky and like tying just about anyone up, sexually or not. I’m wired a little funny vis-a-vis pain and pleasure and what makes me happy to receive. I’m the biggest voyeur in the entire universe and absolutely want to hear about your sex life, especially if it ~looks weird~ so I can reassure you that no that’s awesome and I’m glad you have weird things that make you happy.

Fundamentally, I am Queer, in the sense of “the only truly universal queer experience is doubting you’re queer enough”. There is room under my umbrella for you, and you are welcome here with me. Community is good and there is no such thing as a “good queer” to the people who hate us, so why not just be magnificently ourselves instead?

~Sor
MOOP!

1: I have secret pronouns as well, a set of neopronouns that I am rolling around in the back of my brain to see if they ever actually amount to something good. You probably don’t know me well enough to get me to tell you what they are, especially because I haven’t quite worked out all the grammar yet. To be clear though, they are a joke, and that’s an important part of them, that they are something playful, because I could say “my gender is play” and be hardly shitposting at all.

I am thrilled to announce that Middleman, some 16 years after it came out, still holds up pretty gosh-darn well!

DnD friend Scoop has been watching it with me --because he's recently Boston (re)based, we have now twice managed to do collective DnD from my place with bonus watching Middleman afterwards. Today we watched episodes 3-5 and I just really enjoyed it!

One of my observations is that the episodes seem to do a lot more recap/exposition than I think of these days when I think TV. I'm not sure how much is specifically part of Javi's quick-paced all-references-all-the-time-(including-to-itself) style, and how much is a feature of television from an era where it wasn't assumed that someone is watching the entire season in a few days.

My other observation is that I'm probably now older than EmmEmm and oh gods. I don't know if I'm ready to handle that. Maybe not quite? Maybe we're the same age?

Anyways, if you need any proof that the form of my attraction has gotten steadily queerer as I've aged, there you have it. I will always have a soft spot for clean-cut Matt Keesler('s arms), but oh dear, he is so rather too cishet for me. We'll see if I change my mind when we get to episode eight.

I did wind up saying something to Scoop about how the second DVD (eps 5-8) are when the show gets *really* good. We've got trout zombies, boy bands, the titanic, and sorority ghosts and let me just say _fuck yes_ to all of them. I explained it as the first four episodes need to set up and dwell on Wendy's background trauma so that we know what's up with her, but by now we've got it all understood and can just move forward into The Good Shit.

Anyways, I have seen The Pilot Episode Sanction some twenty or thirty times across my life, and I'll happily do that more, so hmu if you need to enjoy this with me sometime. Maybe in the fall if covid numbers are good I'll try and do another Middleman party or something...

~Sor
MOOP!

Not quite often enough¹, I go down to MGH (a convenient ride on the red line, slightly less convenient but still doable on the green) and give blood at their donor center. Sometimes I get organized enough to bring other people with me, sometimes I just go myself, but at this point it's all pretty old hat: read the literature², explain to the nurse that I checked yes on heart problems because I had a PDA and it's been repaired³, hop in the chair, drink even more water than that, eat some snacks, head home. It takes a couple hours?

And over the 18 years I've been eligible to give blood, I've done so at lots of different places. Even now, I could keep my eyes open for closer blood drives than ~all the way at MGH~ --I mean, I know the armory does them sometimes, and that's just down the street! But I know the structure at MGH, I know where to go, I like the snack options, everything is no-nonsense and as enjoyable as it can be.

And MGH, unique to all other blood donor centers I've contributed at, will send me an email with the subject line "You Just Saved Lives!". Two or three weeks later, presumably when some amount of paperwork has been sorted out and tracked and etc.

Today I have eaten breakfast, and gone to a dull meeting, and worked with a bunch of students, and archived some emails. And saved someone's life. Helped another human who was at risk of peril, of death, of griveious bodily harm, and made it better for them.

It's a fucking fantastic email to get. It is something that I think will never _ever_ get old. What did you do today Kat? I saved someone's life. Bam.

Anyways, I'm eligable again in June so I'm probably gonna aim for that week of July where I'm not at Pinewoods. Anyone who wants to join me, drop me a line. I'm happy to hold your hand (metaphorically or literally) for any part of it you need. You too could save lives.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: Maximum is six times a year, optimal would probably be about four, I've never managed more than three times in the same calendar year, and in 2023 I think I only donated once.

2: WHICH HAS UPDATED TO BE GENDER NEUTRAL HOLY SHIT. I fuckin' _cried_ this most recent time because _they actually want my queer blood_.

3: This most recent time I learned that a patent ductus arteriosus repair is maybe the only heart problem that you *can* still donate blood after.

Austin and I were deciding what to do tonight, and I suggested put together a LEGO set. So we looked through all my (many, whoops) unmade sets¹ and decided on a nice one together.



After we dumped all the bags out of the box, I took a photo and said something like "there, not as nice as jere7my, but it's fine". Whereupon Austin insisted on seeing how jere7my sets his LEGO up when assembling, and immediately bullied me into doing the same.

( here come the photos! )

I'll try and edit this post with the finished product later! It's a lot of fun to play with my bricks, and I should remember that I have an unholy number of them to muck around with. Hack would like her castle to be rebuilt, among other goals.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: Yyyyeah, I probably would've said I had "like, I dunno, 4-5?" unmade sets. It's much closer to a dozen. I should really MAKE MORE LEGO!

2: Hack is an excessively important part of SorcyCanon, she's my LEGO main character and the best ever.

(I think I did the backdating correct --I posted this to Facebook last Monday, 5/6. I'm crossposting it here, quite literally so I can link it to my therapist since Facebook is a stupid walled garden.)

I think I'm leaving dance early tonight, and I'm incredibly disappointed to be doing so.

Someone arrived without a mask. The person was standing out, not dancing. After about 20 minutes, I was able to grab the box of masks and offer it to them. The person vehemently refused. I finished the dance I was currently doing, about as dissociated as I ever get (sorry Janet, you deserve a partner who can pay attention to you) and walked out.

This is a person who is on the mailing list, who knows that we dance masks required on the first Monday. They said they were just there to drop something off. I'm frustrated that they couldn't figure out another compromise if they weren't willing to mask.

I'm disappointed that I won't feel safe doing Scottish Dance for another month now. We have a hobby that involves breathing heavily while very close to each other. I don't feel safe doing that hobby in mask-optional zones, with people who have made it clear that they are not considering covid caution in other realms of their lives.

So far I haven't had covid, which I feel very lucky for. Everything I've heard about it tells me it's deeply unpleasant. It can cause damage to your immune system, to your brain, to your heart. I don't want to get it and, if I'm unlucky enough to have it without realizing, I really really don't want to pass it on to anyone.

I appreciate that some of my other hobby spaces do include people who are mindful of the risks, and keep track of various metrics to collectively judge/decide when things are lower/higher risk and what precautions should be taken. I appreciate having a boss who offers to mask when meeting with me. I appreciate having family and lovers who communicate about when they've most recently tested, what risks they're taking.

And I miss feeling like I am a welcome or included part of the Scottish Country community.

(Updates include this post I made here originally and the fact that progress has maybe kinda sorta been made on the queer scottish thing I'm trying to do.)

~Sor
MOOP!

I just finished reading a book to which I don't have the sequel _and_ the Minuteman system doesn't have the sequel. But BPL does! So I think my new mission (should I choose to accept it) is to get a BPL library card, and then ten thousand bonus points if I can figure out how to get their ebooks onto Talia and/or their physical books delivered to the library next to my workplace instead of downtown.

***

Mission accomplished (at least with the digital card), though no bonus points earned. But I did completely read the book on my work computer --it was short! But yeah, it's definitely time for another one of these posts before I start forgetting what I've consumed.

Finished Reading Recently:

OKAY SO! When last we checked in, I had finished All Systems Red (Murderbot diaries #1, by Martha Wells) and was excited to read Artificial Conditions. I managed that sometime last week, and then today among everything else I read¹ I charged through Rogue Protocol. I don't yet have a copy of Network Effect which is #5. It's in transit to be picked up at my local library but I am very very reluctant to pick up #4, because the way I feel right now, having finished #3 about ten minutes ago, is that I could very easily read #s 4-7 tonight. They are _so fucking good_. Everyone who ever said good things about these books were telling the truth. The fight scenes are good, the feelings are SO GOOD, the complex human interactions are good, the pathos is heartbreakingly delightful, these books are GOOD.

Also last check had me finished Tamora Pierce's second Alanna book, at YTS I had enough downtime to polish off The Woman who Rides Like a Man, and today I finished Lioness Rampant. There are...some...uncomfortable colonialist narratives, huh? Also dang, I really truly love and appreciate how much of a slut Alanna is² but she kinda sorta can't pick 'em. Liam is solidly _okay_ but has some *extremely* irritating moments, and Jon just straight up suuuucks all the time. George is better now that Alanna's into him too, I guess. I suppose I have to treasure Kel as my aspec heroine of choice.

(It's actually really interesting how I don't think anything in these books is really all that much cringier than the Lackey I have on frequent reread cycles, but maybe because I haven't reread them every eighteen months in the same way, they read more that way. I think Alanna and Kero would have a _great_ time together, as long as Alanna could hold her temper. Anyways, I should probably read through all of Daine and Kel next --I reread Daine not too many years ago, but I don't think I've read First Test since like...high school, despite rereading Squire once a year oslt.)

The Unshelved Book Club recommended Geography Club by Brett Hartinger. Well okay, technically they recommended the third in the series, which sounded *great* (queer student club serve as extras in a zombie movie) but when I saw there were earlier novels, I decided to give it a try. It was actually pretty fun! The narrative voice was charming and felt pretty realistic (although gosh, when I was sixteen I definitely didn't want to have The Sex this bad) and I appreciated the way it shook out. I have the second and third books checked out, but haven't gotten to them yet.

Unshelved also recommended Stoner and Spaz by Ron Koertge. I tore through that today --it's very short!-- and followed it up with the sequel, referenced at the start of this entry. I recommend reading them as a pair. They're not anything groundbreaking, but they're funny and touching and very human in the best possible way. I like human.

When trying to find a copy of The Pirate's Mixed Up Voyage for Talia, I stumbled across a Margaret Mahy easy reader called The Man Whose Mother Was a Pirate. It was charming, as only Mahy can write, but suffered from being on my ereader. I am so pissy that there is not an ebook of Mixed Up Voyage. I know it's an obscure little unknown middle grade chapter book from 1983 but it is my Favourite Book and I should have it in every format available.

In addition to all of the above, I read a goodly chunk of the ancient webcomic Wapsi Square, which I had apparently never read very much of in the past. I basically did the first major story arc, and I'm probably not going to continue. To be clear, I read _nine years_ of the comic, I just...liked seeing that much of the story and don't really think I need another one.

Currently Reading:

I have a bookmark in In the Serpent's Wake but have not read more. Slowly creeping my way through Squirrel Girl. Still reading Unshelved in free moments at work. As mentioned above, gonna charge through the Murderbot Diaries and then get real salty when there aren't any more.

The closest book to hand right now is Howl's Moving Castle though. A reread but a _good_ reread. I love me my disaster-girl Sophie. Almost as much as I love my horrible Zaphodic nightmarechild Howl.

Reading in the Future:

I currently have 29 books checked out from the library, and 10 more on hold. Let's do an annoyingly fast rundown:

2 ebooks that I need to click return on
3 Murderbot Diaries
2 sequels to Geography Club
Inside Job, by Connie Willis
6 Squirrel Girl GNs
Harriet the Spy, by Louise Fitzhugh, which I've never read but Unshelved's book club had good things to say and it is a classic
The First Rule of Punk, by Celia Perez, which I know nothing about but showed up in a search for something else and it looks cute
Fun Home, by Alison Bechdel (Unshelved rec)
The Plain Janes, by Cecil Castelucci (Unshelved rec)
Tuesday Mooney Talks to Ghosts, by Kate Racculia, which was pinned up on the school library bulletin board as part of "check out these cool books set in the area!"
Bookhunter, by Jason Shinga (Unshelved rec, and insta-subscribe because of how much Shaenon Garrity _loves_ Shinga's work)
Modesty Blaise, by Peter O'Donnell
Whatcha Mean, What's a Zine?, nonfiction by Mark Todd (Unshelved rec)
Ella Minnow Pea, by Mark Dunn, which I've read before several years ago and is SO CLEVER and I'm interested to know if it holds up to a reread
Hidden Talents, by David Luber (Unshelved rec)
Howl's Moving Castle, by Diana Wynne Jones
In the Company of Ogres, by A. Lee Martinez (Unshelved rec)
Taken, by Edward Bloor (Unshelved rec, and to be clear, I'm really more likely to grab these when they're YA or Middle Grade, because of how fast I can chug through those.)
Debbie Harry Sings in French, by Meagan Brothers, and my first ever attempt to get something through a different system via ILL. Ezri helped. By which I mean, did absolutely all the scouting work for me. And yes, it's an Unshelved rec as well.

On hold:

Both ebook and paperbook copies of Network Effect so I can do a real good murderbot diaries binge.
The Lightning Thief, by Rick Riordan-- I think Unshelved rec'd it, but I also have been meaning to read some of these forever, I was about five years too old to get SUPER into them I think, and I remember them being some of the hottest shit known to childkind back in my substitute days. Plus my understanding is that Riordan operates as an anti-Rowling, and sucks considerably less than she does.
Theo Gray's Mad Science: Experiments you can do at home but probably shouldn't. Unshelved rec, and I don't tend to read a lot of nonfiction, but this one seems fun.
There Are No Shortcuts by Rafe Esquith, rec'd by Unshelved and if you tell anyone at my job I am reading a nonfiction book about education outside of work hours I will fight you, don't you dare make them think that's an okay thing to ask me to do³
The Warrior's Apprentice, by Lois McMaster Bujold -- I think Unshelved rec'd _something_ from Vorksagian, and I picked this one as "this one seems to be considered a good inroad?" but I will absolutely take advice, I've not read these ones.
Your Body is Not Your Body, a horror anthology that IIRC, BitterKarella contributed to. I don't read enough horror for how much I float around r/UnresolvedMysteries and the Longform.org crime section.
The City & The City by China Mieville, rec'd by Unshelved but I know jere7my _loves_ Mieville's stuff. I'm sorta expecting it to be way too smart and indigestible for me, but I ought to give it a try
Sideways Stories from Wayside School, by Louis Sacher, which has just taken _way_ longer to ebook over to me than the other three have.
A Deadly Education, by Naomi Novik, because one of these years I will successfully read Schoolmance.

........maybe I am not allowed to add any more books to my library piles for a while ;_;

~Sor
MOOP!

1: Clayton looked at me during lastprep, as I was tearing through a novel on my work laptop and not paying any attention to other banter, and observed that I currently had three different books in three different mediums (hardback, ereader, laptop) in front of me.

2: This is tongue-in-cheek, as Pierce observes in her afterword, three different sexual partners in the course of your life is, uh, not unusual.

3: Note that I am blatantly not bothering to read the nonfiction book bought for the math department and encouraged for us all to read, except when explicitly given time in my contracted hours to do so.

Youth Trad Song: The Annotated Ephemera edition!

( about 1700 words and a lot of images! But it is as complete a con-report as you'll get. )

It was a good weekend, and honestly, I think this sufficiently covers what all I did. Any time not covered by the above was probably spent cuddling and chatting with my friends, and singing all the nice songs they were leading.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: It is me, if I were a half-centaur, half-minotaur.

2: She is my nemesis and was fool enough to tell me the etymology of her last name. Honestly, usually I refer to her in my head as "Laurie Sheepfucker" because that has a much better ring to it, but technically it is not fucking the sheep, it's getting them to fuck each other. Hence.

Original Tags: how can I keep from singing?, conreports

Eyyyy, it says I have a 496 day streak. That's a perfect number!

It also says it's Sunday, December 31st. That's...not as true, and it's one of the few days of the year where I feel it actually matters to have a midnight cron instead of 6AM. But I didn't write my words earlier, so I'm just gonna write some end-of-year words now, and that'll be fine.

2023 was, on the macro level, a shitshow of a year. Covid is still a problem. Anti-trans sentiment and laws are still a problem. Guns are still a problem. The multiple horrific wars in other places are still a problem. Unchecked horrific capitalism is still a problem. Lotta fuckin' problems 'round these parts is what I'm saying.

But for the first time in thirteen years (the prior was in 2010) Greykell hosted a New Year's Party in Maryland. That was not a problem. It was sorta the exact opposite of a problem! It was pretty fucking awesome, all told!

And because it's been thirteen years since I've seen a lot of these people, it was nice to be able to give the potted summary of my life and say that, on the personal level...my life is actually really fucking great. I love my job, even though it's exhausting and admin are buggin'. My house-family is deeply beloved to me. I have really good hobbies that make me really happy. I've been playing a weekly RPG for the first time in my life and we even finished a campaign.

And I have a whole mess of loved ones, from partners to comets to friends to family to my community, all the beloved people who make my life shine. I am freakishly lucky, to have so many amazing people around me. It's been really splendid this year, with my increased trips to Maryland, to get to see more of those people on the regular.

My brain is still a whole monster of a mess, and I can't in good conscience say it's ~getting better~ but I can say every year I learn more about how to handle it. I'm going into 2024 armed with structures, plans, ideas, abilities. I will keep writing things down on my todo list and trying even to do them.

The macro level is really bad, and I'd be a fucking liar if I said that stuff doesn't affect me, doesn't grind me down quietly, a little more each day.

But there's a lot of good in my life too. Thanks to y'all, who're such a part of it. I love you.

~Sor
MOOP!

OKAY HI!

I just slept for...like the better part of ninety minutes? Basically crashed at about 9 and didn't make it back up until about 10:30. But the good news was that was after PowerHour, so it was nice to do that? And in PowerHour I helped make dinner and I washed the dishes and I read my book!

I didn't get home until seven, but that's because I had the big work-stack --work, then meeting with Christine about licensure and my observation today, and then curriculum committee, and then therapy, and then I was gonna leave but I got _really_ into listening to a three-hour Wellerman youtube vid while doing all my remaining grading. So now everything is graded for the rest of the year except like...six warm-ups and the final exam. And all the late shit my students turn in late when they realize their grades are shit and don't hafta be.

But yeah, I left school after six (normal but not actually contractually allowable --I am supposed to leave the building by six, which happens...I dunno, half the time?) but it was a good after six, and I must've been in a quite good mood because I sang songs the whole way home and that was pretty nice.

(My emotional regulation is all hinky because covid-bullshit-trauma-dissociation, so I wouldn't have actually called my mood happy, but I think I just need to shift all my baselines and look for new identifiers of things like this. If I am singing as I walk through the streets of my town, that deffo seems like things are either quite alright or _really fucking bad_ and I know it wasn't the latter one.)

Andsoyeah. PowerHour covered washing dishes and helping make dinner and eating dinner and chatting with Ezri and Rey a bit about stressy-stuff. And then sitting down with my book (I've gotten far enough in the Peter Wimsey mysteries that I am rereading Murder Must Advertise and I am _pumped_! I last read this one like...in October maybe? Early November? Anyways, it's fabulous and I don't normally reread books quite this close together, but I am four chapters in and _really_ enjoying the different perspective of having seen the good Lord do other mystery things along the way.)

And then I slept and that's how we got here! If I finish my words quickly enough, I will be able to go into a bed and sleep for ~six whole hours~ in the bed. This is very exciting for me, and probably explains part of why I'm so fucked up right now.

Anyways, I hope you are well and that your life is charmed and good.

~Sor
MOOP!