Oh god oh god

[sorcyress]

CW: Transphobia

I helped make this survey for this dance group I'm in, and I nobly volunteered to do the data collection for it, and holy fuck.

See, the topic is "what language should we use as a branch to try and be more inclusive". This is, obviously, something I care deeply about (and I'll post my open-letter free response answer to that here in a minute, because I posted it to Facebook and I continue to love y'all more than there.)

The survey has been live for just under two hours. So far I have gotten a comment implying that queer people are the true transphobes (for not thinking women can dance as men?) and another that says we "loud few" are bullies and should go find a different dance form.

I am a fool and the only reason I'm not going to set fire to the entire project right now is the hope that maybe if I take the bad shit now, someone in the future will have a better and easier life, because maybe despite it all we can find some sort of happily ever after and the transphobes will fix their hearts. Or die.

Happy fucking pride month to me.

~Sor
MOOP!

PostScript: The survey is open until June 20th. I'm not gonna obsessively refresh it because like...it turns out obsessing endlessly about gender is a hobby pretty much just for transphobes and the rest of us like movies and DnD and bellringing and actually going out dancing.

EDITED TO ADD @ 1644: Dear AccountabilityClub: I am not going to look at the Psychic Damage Queerphobia Spreadsheet (see #party-in-the-woods for context) until after my date with mek, and ideally not at all the rest of the night. I am going to commit to taking care of myself and being really aware of the fact that reading people saying horrible things about me and mine is bad for my brain, and I need to be prepared to do nice things to/with my brain to balance it.

(For those worried, we're at like 20% of responses disagreeing with "we should have genderneutral terms" and only a few of those have said actively nasty things. But it turns out a few bad apples can make the whole fruit salad taste like shit.)

Content Warnings go both ways. Transphobia above.

Comments

[sovay]

Strength to your arm.

*hugs*

[canyonwalker]

Sadly there are haters and trolls in virtually any group. Stay strong in the belief that the hateful things they say represent fewer and fewer people over time.

[crystalpyramid]

Ugh, thank you for doing that. I'm sorry it turns out to be awful.

I love that you have a "data is the opposite of fear" tag though. And none of this mess is statistically significant until the thing closes, so I'm glad you're prioritizing your life.

[sorcyress]

The tag is a quote from jere7my, many years ago! It stuck with me so well.

(You might notice this is the only entry with it, but I'm actually trying to get much better about getting useful tags, and talking about data is absolutely something I do occasionally, so it warrents one.)

I am also sorry this project is turning out to be awful, but not surprised. I am trying to remember that it's also really really good. And when things get real bad, I'm putting on my best cockroach queer* attitude and saying "guess what you fuckers, you didn't kill me when you had the chance and now I'm gonna take your dance form and put my gay ass cooties all over it and there's nothing you can actually do to stop me."

~Sor

*"the queers who were nice/patient/gentle all got shot or bullied to death all that's left r me & the other pissed-off cockroach motherfuckers" as the tweet goes.

[meanfreepath]

I'm so sorry. I know I've been away from the Boston SCD community since 2018, and have not had much opportunity for dancing of any sort since the pandemic, but it's just a shame you're having to deal with this.

If I were still around I'd be happy to be your musician for your new gender-free class!

[canyonwalker]

Your comment reminded me that while it's been years since I studied dance, I only ever learned the "male" steps. Next time I study a dance I will ask to learn the steps from both sides-- because why not learn all the steps?! It seems like it'd be more fun to be able to switch back and forth.

[sorcyress]

Yessss yes yes yes this! This is one of the things I like about dance! I like the puzzle, and I like knowing the puzzle from every direction!

(That's one of the things I liked most about modern western square dancing at MIT, that they had a very strong culture of "learn everything because you never know how you'll get scrambled up by the caller" and I kinda miss it, but also it turns out I really want more adherence to timing of formations, which is not a thing they prioritize.)

Anyways, I know for a fact I'm a better lead at things like swing dance *because* I've also spent time following --I know what it should feel like to receive inputs, which makes me better at giving those inputs well.

~Sor

[sorcyress]

Oh man, I have such complicated feelings about that last line, because you're not the first person who has volunteered to play for me, but also like...I think it's really really important to pay musicians and pay them well and I'm not sure I'm willing to compromise on that when I can't necessarily afford to do so, and could just use recorded music instead.

(I mean, the perfect world version is that my class brings in enough bonus income/donations that I can just afford to pay a musician well and I do that. But I don't know yet if I will have that, or have that consistently.)

I need to definitely sit down with a bunch of different musicians and get some perspectives on this.

~Kat

[meanfreepath]

It's a pretty nuanced point, I'll admit -- happy to chat more offline sometime!

[ckd]

I am so sorry. I hope you have a great date and your self care is highly effective.

[sorcyress]

The date itself was lovely --we're watching the show Dungeon Meshii together and just waiting for the last two episodes of the season.

Self care (and partly date) were stymied by my personal computer going kerflooy, because I really needed something else this week to go awful. It appears to be an extension of the same problem I always have, but
maybe more complicated and not as quick to fix, and it might require dragging The Boyfriend What Knows Computers over to do some help but also aaaaauguuguguuhhhghhghhghghhghghg.

Anyways, after my web date I ate dinner and made a blanket fort in the living room and spent the rest of the evening in my blanket fort and that was pretty okay.

~Sor

[ckd]

I am a firm believer in blanket fort self care.

Hoping your computer problems are solved both easily and effectively. IME repeated frustration can lead to a form of emotional RSI and is very unpleasant to endure.