MOOP!

(here's what I posted on Facebook)

Hey RSCDS Boston friends! You may have seen a survey in your email about role terminology! I strongly encourage you to fill it out. (If you need a link, send me a message --it's open to anyone who dances SCD in the Boston area, no matter if they are beginners or experts, no matter if they are members of a class or free-range.)

Here's what I wrote in the open field at the end. Consider it my open letter to the Scottish Country Dance community.

***

As a nonbinary person, it has been so disappointing to watch the SCD crowd lag behind other dance forms regarding gender-neutral calling. I continually get misgendered at events, in both explicit (wrong pronouns) and implicit ("you look like you're on the wrong side" --I'm agender, I can't "look" like a man or a woman!) ways. I have been called rude for countering people misgendering me, and it has been made very clear to me by multiple dancers that I am not welcome in this community.

It hurts, so much, to hear people cheer for "men and women" and know that they are cheering against my existence. It hurts to hear people whine about how my identity is "confusing" or to just ignore my buttons and pins and frequent reminders of my pronouns. It hurts to stop bothering to correct people after they misgender me again and again and again because they never listen or change or get it right. It hurts to hear people argue and fight against any suggestion of inclusivity. When I started Scottish dancing, I thought the community would be more loving than that, and it hurts to be disappointed again and again.

But I'm here because I love the dance form. I _love_ Scottish Country Dance. I love the precision, I love the power, I love the action, I love the music, I love the fiddly timing and the joyful abandon. I love it and I am damn good at it: I have put a _lot_ of work into learning How To Do This Thing Well and I don't regret that work because the work itself has been joyful.

And I'm here because I believe we _can_ be better as a community. I do see people trying, and I recognize and appreciate that. There are people -more than one- who will hear the wrong pronoun used for me and _speak up_ on my behalf, so I don't have to always be the one making corrections. There are people who are looking at the things that are exclusionary and saying, out loud, "this is wrong, we shouldn't be like this". There are members of Exec and TMC who are saying "how can we be more publicly and loudly inclusive", there are teachers who are saying "how can I shift my language to be more welcoming", there are dancers who are saying "I don't understand but I'm willing to try".

That's why I'm still here. Because every time I receive another metaphorical slap in the face about how my existence is a burden and I am not worth considering, I remember that there are those here fighting to keep me around. And because I believe there could be those in the future who deserve to have their identities respected as well and I want them to have an easier time of it then I have.

***

On a related note, if you are also tired of waiting for the broader community to make space for us, I am going to be starting a gender-free SCD class in hopefully September. I am waiting on venue details (they're in the process of replacing their floor...) but it will be in the middle of Somerville, not far from the Magoun Sq green-line station and with some parking. Most likely 1st/3rd/5th Thursdays from 7-9pm.
If you want to throw me your email address, I'll send proper details when I'm ready to announce the first class.

~Sor
MOOP!

(I think I did the backdating correct --I posted this to Facebook last Monday, 5/6. I'm crossposting it here, quite literally so I can link it to my therapist since Facebook is a stupid walled garden.)

I think I'm leaving dance early tonight, and I'm incredibly disappointed to be doing so.

Someone arrived without a mask. The person was standing out, not dancing. After about 20 minutes, I was able to grab the box of masks and offer it to them. The person vehemently refused. I finished the dance I was currently doing, about as dissociated as I ever get (sorry Janet, you deserve a partner who can pay attention to you) and walked out.

This is a person who is on the mailing list, who knows that we dance masks required on the first Monday. They said they were just there to drop something off. I'm frustrated that they couldn't figure out another compromise if they weren't willing to mask.

I'm disappointed that I won't feel safe doing Scottish Dance for another month now. We have a hobby that involves breathing heavily while very close to each other. I don't feel safe doing that hobby in mask-optional zones, with people who have made it clear that they are not considering covid caution in other realms of their lives.

So far I haven't had covid, which I feel very lucky for. Everything I've heard about it tells me it's deeply unpleasant. It can cause damage to your immune system, to your brain, to your heart. I don't want to get it and, if I'm unlucky enough to have it without realizing, I really really don't want to pass it on to anyone.

I appreciate that some of my other hobby spaces do include people who are mindful of the risks, and keep track of various metrics to collectively judge/decide when things are lower/higher risk and what precautions should be taken. I appreciate having a boss who offers to mask when meeting with me. I appreciate having family and lovers who communicate about when they've most recently tested, what risks they're taking.

And I miss feeling like I am a welcome or included part of the Scottish Country community.

(Updates include this post I made here originally and the fact that progress has maybe kinda sorta been made on the queer scottish thing I'm trying to do.)

~Sor
MOOP!

Merry May!

Despite having lived less than a mile away for all four years of college, and within five miles of Harvard Square the subsequent twelve years, this is the first time I've ever made it to the May Day festivities!

Context: it's first of May, first of May, and the morris dancers are out a'dancing in order to make sure the sun rises and the harvest is bountiful or whatever it is exactly morris¹ dancers do. There was a Maypole and singing and a big ol' circle dance and several performances by various local teams!

There were like...100? 150? people there, to dance and sing and hang out and lean on each other tiredly. I biked in with Elishka, which was splendid for so many reasons, not least of which was having made this plan in advance, we were both stuck with it for fear of disappointing the other, and so we both rolled out of bed at stupid in the morning to head out. It was also a good plan because she actually knew where we were going --I knew the optimal route to Harvard (since my college was literally next door, and indeed, I gave her the tour² as we biked past) but she got us the rest of the way once we were in the square.

I saw many people I knew, which was very pleasant! Elishka commented that she might've known more bellringers present³ than contra dancers, which was a very funny and not false observation. I spent lots of time chatting with Elena, and some time chatting with Martin, and was pleased as punch to see Neil⁴ and Iz and of course I said hi to all the morris friends in passing -- Laura and Amanda and Gillian and Sam and Lisa. Avalon was the first one to say hi to us, and I was unfortunately overwhelmed by their enthusiasm at 0'dark'thirty, but was good to hear them sing.

My biggest conclusion is that next year I need to figure out that obviously this is an event that I dress like I'm going to FaerieFest. Except I've biked home and had just enough time to eat some breakfast and type this out, so that would be a pretty quick turnaround if I had to also change into work-drag.

It was a really nice start to the day, month, season. And now I go off for work --seven weeks left, but who's counting?

~Sor
MOOP!

1: Do we capitalize "Morris Dancers"?

2: "I lived on that street for two years and that street for one year and in that tall building for one year annnnd now we're on Harvard's turf."

3: I think we had minor? Elishka, Kyle, Rachel, me, Mira, Arthur, Laura? Rachel and Mira were the two that showed up with bells on though, so bonus points to them!

4: Looking far more dapper than the rest of us, since this was "late night" instead of "early morning" for him, and also he had an *amazing* leather coat that looked real good on him.

Tonight was _stellar_.

I didn't necessarily expect it to be. But the dances for demo team are coming along pretty well and I had a nice time there. Dancing with my dance-sis¹ is often a really good experience, and tonight felt really good...of course, part of what felt so stunning there was the bit of Village Reel, a dance we have done together literally hundreds of times for candidate class.

Then I went straight from demo team to BIDA! I started by sitting on the steps outside and eating a granola bar, since I know myself, and I know that while I can and often do enjoy contra dancing, I also sometimes get too snobbish for it and have less fun than I would if I could more easily turn off some of the more precision-oriented bits of my brain and just vibe. Eating beforehand will _definitely_ move the needle away from "grouch"² and back towards "enjoyable dance friend". Eating a granola bar on the steps of BIDA means apparently quickly chatting with three different friendly acquaintances. Good shit!

I finished my food and went in to dance! And the dance...oh man! The band we had was called Countercurrent and _holy shit_. I am incredibly charmed to have looked up their website and found a blurb saying "How does so much music come from just two people?!” because I pretty much said exactly that somewhere in my second dance through.

I like dancing because I like moving, and the ways in which I can dance require pretty much any kind of music, including none at all. But it is a truth universally recognized that the better the music gets, the easier it gets. And this band was absolutely in the category of better. So I was set up already to have a very good time of things (from community and friends and loved ones) and then and then _and then_ it was just absolutely knocked out of the park by a caller who knew what he was doing, calling dances well that were interesting and fun, and accompanied by a band that repeatedly distracted me away from just dancing because they were _so good_ to listen to.

I am pleased to be trying to fit BIDA in on some Sundays after demo team, even if that does make for quite a lot of dancing. I know not every week will be this good, but I am so happy to have gotten this energy and joy to take me through this next week of work. I hope you are also finding things to make you happy!

~Sor
MOOP!

1: For the first round of candidte class, the five of us decided we were siblings. So I have three dance -sisters and a dance brother. They're good people and I love them!

2: A (male) friend of mine was talking about a contra behavior that made him "grouchy" and while talking further I said something about my own responses to the same behavior being "bitchy" and I realized that that's a cruel word for many reasons. But actually, I think grouchy is absolutely the word I mean a lot of the time when I say I'm feeling bitchy, and so I'm gonna try and get serious about dropping the b-word from my vocabulary, because sluring women is kinda not cool and I shouldn't get away with it just because I caucus with them sometimes.

A *long* time ago, mek titled me The Demigoddex¹ of Dance. Think...mid 00's, so it's a title that I've had for a decade and a half or so, the better half of my life so far. And it's a title that has brought me a lot of comfort and thought over time. It's fascinating to me that mek was able to See Me in My Power when I was _that young_, but maybe there's just confirmation bias at hand, and all the goofy stuff he called me that I *didn't* throw my heart and soul into dropped away.

Anyways, I am a Demigoddex of Dance, and what that means is that dance is a thing I have incredible power around and through and with. And probably what you thought when you heard that was "yes, I have seen Kat at Scottish or Contra or Squares and they do seem to be pretty enthusiastic and fun to dance with!" You are not wrong if you think that, but you're also not entirely hitting the point of the thing.

If you wanna see me full into my power as Demigoddex, you need to see me dance like no one's watching. Bouncing-twirling-thrashing-rebounding, music too-loud from the speakers or piped into my ears alone, arms gone windmilled and catching myself on the surrounding architecture. Almost certainly if you see me like this, I'm not going to see you --I usually close my eyes.

And it's not about being Seen, it's not a _performance_ for other people to watch. Even when I do this goofy solo dancing in public spaces (Arisia comes to mind) it's not about the rest of the population. This is a chance for me to apply music directly to my body, and that makes it a chance to fully release my Aspect. It's a chance to _play_. I know because I am just as enthusiastically into it when I'm doing it in an empty room as when I'm doing it in a crowd².

And it's a _damn_ good warm-up for me. This is often how I'll loosen up my body before some kind of dancing thing, just informally flailing like a fool until the person leading brings us into more organized stretching. Hop-twist-skip-swing and the shoulders loosen out and the ankles find their balance and everything falls into place.

On Sunday, just before my candidate exam, I spent fifteen minutes or so in an otherwise empty room dancing like an utter fucking fool. It was an accident, I just went in there to listen to too-loud music³ as a form of centering, of prayer. But then I was alone in the upper balconies of a former church, and there was room enough between the pews, and I had too-loud music!

It's a wonderful way to loosen my body. More often it's done though to loosen my mind. This is a thing I can do to make everything right again, even just for a short time. It doesn't solve any problems, it doesn't change the world, but for five-ten-twenty minutes while I'm moving, it takes me out of the rest of it and puts me into something here and now and loud and wonderful. For lack of a better term, it's meditation, even though it's done at full tilt movement and sound.

I'm fair sure I passed my candidate exam. My lesson felt _good_, the compliments I received have been kind. I know what I needed to do, and after all, Scottish Country Dancing and Teaching are the only two things in the world I'm allowed to feel any arrogance about. But Sunday, the part that mattered to me, the part that felt like happiness and existence and all that is right in the world was not the part I did in front of the examiners, and with my class.

It was one small body in one large space and a small handful of songs. It was flushed and panting and red with exertion before the lesson even began. It was a demigoddex gathering their power, ready to present it in full control and majesty. It was dance, and it was lovely and it was exactly what I needed for that moment.

Demigoddex of dance. That's me!

~Sor
MOOP!

1: Okay, technically he named me the Demigoddess as I was more a girl at the time. Apparently I really like the way the gender-neutral x signifier sounds in goddex, in a way I don't particularly care for in princex. I'm curious as to what's different enough linguistically to make my ear feel that way.

2: Actually, maybe inversely so --in a crowd I need my eyes open more often and my movements slightly more restrained to avoid the rest of y'all.

3: I'll tell you where the real road lies / between your ears behind your eyes / that is the path to paradise / and likewise the road to ruin

((I sing songs differently from the known lyrics sometimes, when the power in the words matters.))

PostScript1: Here are two related posts that came up in my writing, but then I didn't actually wind up including.
*This is a very long post from NYFaerieFest a few years ago. It talks about how s00j is a goddess unto my eyes, and the way for me to handle that is to summon my own aspect around me and let my magic respond to her own.
*This is a post from 2010 that may be the *definitive* post about me and dancing. I am incredibly lucky that I truly lack the social anxiety that stops people from managing to actually "dance like nobody's watching". I have danced on subway cars and platforms, on rain-soaked streets, on empty dance floors and in empty classrooms. Sometimes other people are around to see. It doesn't stop me.

PostScript2: Last fall, I was out Doing Bells at Smith for the first time, and I was having a No Good Very Bad Brain day, because that was right in the middle of my brain being shit about bells. There was a tiny little studio with mirrors on the wall and a sprung-wood floor, and yanno, my brain was broken anyways, so why not.

The studio had a balcony above, and people could overlook and I dunno if they mostly did or not (recall I dance with my eyes closed⁴) but afterwards choco_frosh complimented me and asked what I was practicing for.

It was such a funny question, practicing. I don't remember exactly what I stammered back, because my dance is not practice for anything except itself.

4: This was an instance where that turned out to be a _very bad idea_. I have better than average proprioperception⁵, but it isn't perfect, and that studio had very rough brick walls with the bricks all set at odd angles to each other. Head-cuts bleed a lot. Slamming your head into a wall by accident because you didn't realize you were That Close is not fun.

5: I mean, probably? I have no idea what average is, but mine seems very good.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

Work:
*The Usual
*Actually caught up on attendance, which I missed yesterday, and writing seven billion cut slips sigh. Still need to do participation.
*Also graded a random Calc assignment, which means I only have two more assignments for them before I'm totally caught up. And some random participation and entrance tickets. Sigh.
*Worked with favourite student for an hour-plus after school today! That's always fun, I like her a lot.

Physical:
*Walked to therapy, because my bike is borked. Beat the 91, but only barely.
*Took a shower in the morning
*Went to squares and did a bit of dancing! Also I'm going to lead the grand march. I have not done this yet, so we'll see how it turns out.
*Added: The grand march went totally fine! We went up and down staircases! Somehow nobody died!
*Wrist is mostly feeling better. Still keep tweaking it, booooo.

Social:
*Went to squares! Chatted with random people
*Got called rude on the internet for telling a white man I wouldn't keep arguing with him unless he paid me. His retort was "should I invoice you for my valuable time then?" and then making ten more comments in the thread to other people. I am laughing my fucking _ass_ off.
*Gonna go curl up with Austin and do sleep! I guess this also counts as physical?

Personal:
*Wrote words without accomplishments list. Day 151 in a row, day 127 this year.
*Did some nice friendly social on dumb phone game. I liked it!
*I have now checked my email and done read-response for everything for two weeks in a row. I haven't made any forward progress on the endless pile of unread things, but for two straight weeks I've not made negative progress. I kinda like this!

~Sor
MOOP!

ALRIGHT IT'S 2017!

So, I have this file on my computer from a year ago entitled "REVOLUSTRAVAGANZA". Somehow I am only just now realizing that "rev" is not the start of "resolution" but that's to be understood, since I haven't updated the list since like...apparently April. Huh.

In my defense, I spent a lot more of 2016 in a semi-Depressive state than most of the years prior, prompted in no small part by the minor traumas of losing a job I loved¹, dealing with a serious asshole landlord², and The Election. Usually I just get the drain bamage in the winter, spending much of April-June wanting to sob to pieces in my office was an unwelcome addition.

But separate from that, let's check in and see how I did on things. You can read the original post here.

1) Writing: Ehhhhhnnnnnhhh. I did a significantly spottier job of using 750w in 2016 than in 2015. This is gonna be a common trend by the way, 2015 was an objectively better year all around. I'll see about getting back into the swing of things this year.

2) Making LJ posts or whatever: I certainly haven't been hitting 15 a month, but I've been doing a fair clip, which is great. Apparently in October I posted on over half the days, which is kinda amazing. I'll keep trying to focus energies, I (as always) miss it over here.

3) Backing up the computer: I have been...okay? at this. Currently I'm like 60 days out, which is not so good. I will continue to try and hit once a month.

4) Cull my closet: This did not so much happen. I am not so much good at this.

5) Track bicycle milage: I did an awesome job of this until May, at which point I...got distracted and stopped syncing Eddie³ with Kela⁴, and also stopped using Eddie for a long while. That being said, I managed 1141.84 miles on the bike from January to May, which is a goodly amount, damnit!

((I miss my stupid eight mile commute along the river with the sunrise behind me. Damn but that was good zen-time.))

6) Frivolous bike journey: I did not actually manage. Maybe next year? It's not super a priority.

7) We don't talk about number seven. Being an adult is hard, and I spent a lot of the year in lack-of-meds trauma, which is my excuse for why we don't talk of number seven.

8) Have a job better than substituting for this school year: Well, uh. Huh. Okay, so nannying is objectively better than substituting (it's more consistent, less stressful, and pays better. No benefits, but then, I don't have benefits as a sub either). It's also not what I want to be doing with myself in the long term. Maybe 2017 should be the year where I get serious about finding a *career* again.

9) Five multiday non-dance events: Arisia, Balticon, Gencon, NYFF and.......Marc's Wedding? I don't think that counts. I traveled a lot, but most of it wasn't *events*, per se.

10) Five multiday dance events: Pinewoods x3, NEFFA, and I completely failed to do anything this fall.

11) Do well at current job: Well, they fired me. Like, less than a month after I made this resolution, there began to be Big Conversations and all of January and February was fucking nightmare awful, but I genuinely thought I was doing the work I needed and getting better and it didn't matter. Come the April contract negotiations, I was informed that I would not be invited back.

(My boss was gracious enough to do it at a free period at the end of the day, which means when I went down to my office and sobbed, I didn't have to worry about getting my face back together for students.)

But I think I did a pretty fucking good job of it up until that ending point. The best I could, at least.

12) Give more presents: Ehhh, a little bit? I got weirdly excited and overboard this Christmas with my family (which I like and feel good about, and since I get many things secondhand or discount, I don't feel like I spent too much money or anything), and I feel like I've done a couple good things throughout the year, but not much.

13) Give more presence: I continue to not do well at this, but I've at least been trying? I need to leave way more DW/LJ comments than I actually do, don't I?

14) Less computer time: Weirdly yes? And also very no? It's complicated. When I have other things to do or people to interact with, I'm a lot better at being present and not on the electronicx. When I'm just living my day-to-day life, it's harder. The introduction of pokemon weirded this a lot --I am more likely to have my phone out in public, but also more likely to not be doing anything that takes my attention.

I am probably not allowed to play Skyrim in 2017 either, but I'll re-check this position sometime around June. (Yes, I'm jonesing. Yes, I know there are other similarly good big sandboxy games, but I can't play any of them *either*, not until I can handle myself better.)

15) Emails: I currently have 9851 emails in my inboxen (667 unread). This is not great, but is better than the "well over 10k" I had this time last year. I'll keep poking at it.

16) Wedding planning: Oh gods, I haven't done any of this, and I need to start. Like serously start, since I'll be 28 in eight months. *whimper*

17) Spend time on west coast: With the corollary of "with my boyfriends". This mostly didn't happen. I did visit mek in April, which was excellent, but I didn't actually manage to visit Sparr at all, and things with K˚ are...complicated right now. My resolutions for this year are gonna include "repair some of my relationships and be a better partner".

18) Highland: Nnnnnn? I've been going more often, sure. I competed again (and I'm getting better --previous comp I was solidly 4/4, this one I was solidly 5/7). I'm now up to having *eight* dances clattering around in my head and getting confused with each other. I really want to find the time to film myself doing the best I can at each of them, so I have something to compare with in n months.

As I've mentioned a couple times here, I have no idea why I do Highland. I should unpack that sometime.

19) Craft more stuff: Unfortunately no. I've started drawing again, which is good, but I have really not been doing much in the creation department otherwise. Need to work on that.

(I did sew a tiny Sporran beltpouch at the NH Highland Games --oh hey, that's a multiday dance event!-- this year, because they didn't mind a grownass adult crashing the kids space. It's cute! I made a (very bad) buttonhole!)

So that's that review. It's good to check in with my goals sometimes. Maybe I will make more goals for 2017, and maybe I will actually do a better job of them this year.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: The narrative I have been using (because it hurts less) is that they were looking for a different classroom management style. This is true, but I don't like admitting how much I would've been willing to bend myself to theirs, despite the fact that I am not remotely authoritarian and that seems to be more of what they wanted.

2: Do you wanna know what I love most about my living situation right now? FUCKING EVERYTHING (except going from free in-unit laundry to coin in the basement). I love my new roommates, I love my new house, I love my new landlord, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my non-oil heat. It's a really good thing in a sea of not-so-great.

3: My shipboard computer! (Making the first electronic I've given a dude-name to in ages)

4: Keladry Selbstzucht --my darling laptop, named for the Lady Knight of Mindelan and the German word for self-discipline.

Oof. Have not updated my Resolustravaganza in at least two months. Let's check in!

1) Write every day: Check. Check check check motherfuckin' check plus. I haven't missed a day since January 23rd. Wooooo!

2) 15 LJ posts a month: Ehhhh. I was doing okay at this, and then I just pretty much stopped updating. Because...I have no good reason for this. Anyways, 12 for February (yay!) and 4 for March (ugh). Try more in April, yes?

3) Back up computer more: I missed the February backup, but I did back her up just before going to MD. So, you know, this is working kinda.

4) Cull clothing: So close! I was gonna go to a clothing swap on Friday, but then it was postponed. So maybe this week I'll go? And maybe I'll even run through my dresses and stuff before I do?

Also, I am planning to move in probably June, which means I'm doing a lot of thought about how I own ALL THE STUFF and I don't wanna move all the stuff. I should make a proper post about this.

5) Track bicycle milage: Okay! I am updating the thing right now, here is the data!
January:
February:
March:

6) Long bike journey: Still haven't worked on planning this, still think that's totally okay as it's not summer yet. Although as far as summer plans go, it sounds like I'm probably gonna go to Acadia this summer, and that's pretty rad.

7) Fuck you too.

8) Have a better-than-substituting job for the 2016/17 school year: HAHAHHAHAHHAHhohgods, so this is the week I need to send the "what are your plans for next year?" email to my boss, and in a couple weeks we'll have the contract renegotiation and that might be the point when they say "you're awesome, stick around!" and that might be the point when they say "yeah, fuck off, we want a better teacher" and OH GODS.

But it's okay. Even if I don't keep working at currentjob, I will be able to get references and show off lesson plans and I'll get hired somewhere else please please please?

9) 5 multi-day geek events: Still sitting at just Arisia. Need to buy the stuff to do Marcon (plane tickets, membership, hotel room). Very likely doing GenCon, counter to what I said last time. Woo!

10) 5 multi-day dance events: I am confirmed for NEFFA, and three sessions of Pinewoods. What else should I go to? (I missed Easthill like a RIGHT TIT, but maybe YDW is an option?)

11) Do well in current job: Hahahhaha I mean, I really have been stepping it up, and trying to put in good work, and I mostly feel really good about it, but I also have to really seriously sit down with myself every time I get criticised and be all "this is growth opportunity, not a problem".

12) Give more presents: I gave my aunt some awesome trim I found at the cruft swap, and a little BadtzMaru book! I have an Arisia bookmark for mom that has HER NAME ON IT!!!! And I have birthday presents for both mek (this is accidental and I have no idea where I got it, but it's in my "stuff to give people" box and definitely for him) and my sir.

13) Give more presence: Nope. Sorry. :/

14) Less screen time: Sigh. I am trying to get back in the habit of having NO SCREENS for an hour after I get home from work. It's...mixed success. I've only been at it for like half a week so far.

15) Emails: Oof. Currently I have 11,896 emails in the box, with 3,372 unread. YEAH. I AM BAD AT THIS. (most of them are like...random kickstarter updates and survey opportunities and not actual emails, but still.)

16) Wedding planning: Has not been happening, oops.

17) Spend a month on the West Coast: I have bought tickets for goin' to California and seeing mek over Spring Break, yay! That's like in two weeks, holyshit.

I've been kinda morose and weird about some of my relationship things recently, so I'm not sure I'm actually gonna spend a billion years on the west coast this summer like I did last time. I kinda want to have some summer time around Boston? I miss getting to hang with my Boston peeps who I don't see ever because I'm working or commuting for 13 hours out of every day. We'll see how I feel closer to June.

18) Highland x3 a month: I am doing...better? But I think I only made it once in February. Three times in March though! (Maybe four, I think March had enough days for that.

19) Craft stuff: Sadface. I dunno how to inspire this one better.

So that's, you know. Coming along.

~Sor
MOOP!

Last entry, I mentioned that bras and swords are basically interchangeable. Did you know that? Now you know!

*admittedly*, I did not get a chance to try wearing a sword as a bra. Okay, I mean, I did briefly walk around with one of Magus and Keira's foam swords as a sort of tube top, but it was over my shirt so doesn't really count. But at any rate, if you need a sword, a bra will one hundred percent work perfectly.

...

Let me back up.

So, at ESC I got to try rapper dance for the first time. Rapper consists of five people with double handled swords doing mathematically fascinating patterns. It is basically knot theory with swords and footwork and I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Anyways, there were enough of us who carried over into Session 1 that we decided to show off some of what we learned for the Scottish ceilidh. As near as I can tell, ceilidh means "party" in various assorted forms, but we use it as a shorthand for "talent show", as there are heaps of legitimately talented and funny people at camp.

So, we are going to pretend we are talented, and show off. Small problem: rapper dance uses a very specific and unique kind of sword. And you need five of them. And, erm, the person who'd had them at ESCape had gone home. So somehow, the gears start turning and the five of us decided that we will instead perform a "Bra-apper" dance. We went, caps in hand, to some of the more gloriously well-endowed women at camp and obtained us a set of five large cupped bras. We even found an extra to dangle off the end of Debbie's fiddle.

It went over gloriously well, and there was so much lace and sparklies flying around that no one even noticed if our stepping was not quite perfect or figures were weak.

And then we come to session two. A few of us are standing around right after a Highland class where we'd done a sword dance with no swords --the teacher had not wanted to try bringing even practice ones across the Atlantic. Someone points out that they used to use sweaty socks laid out in a cross instead.

"Well," sez I, "We all know that you can replace swords with bras, right?"

Cue cackling. Four of us again went begging, and scrambled to recall/recreate all the steps properly. With a little help from the Great Big Dance Book in the Cloud, we put it together, and were ready for the session two Ceilidh, where we were able to perform a fantastic, accurate, and deliciously hilarious Argyle Bra'dswords.

(I am totally talking it up more than I should. My Highland is sloooo-ooo-ooowly getting to be something that I do not automatically hate forever. It's a performative dance that I'm not good at yet, and I'm a perfectionist. But the important parts --being funny doofuses leaping over sparkly bras-- went magnificently.)

And yes, following tradition, we managed to scare up a bra to drape over the drones of our musician's pipes. It was even tartan this time! (We wanted him to wear it, but alas, he refused).

Outside of bra-related shenanigens, I was in three other Ceilidh acts --Laura and I (and Stephen in session 1) organized performances of the dances we wrote for our candidate class tutors, since we had one tutor present per session. Those were quite well received, and I am looking forward to being able to teach Tuchas Long Enough this August.

As for the last act...heh. Um. Let's just say it was the single most side-splittingly hilariously awkward ceilidh rehearsal I have ever been (or will ever be, probably) a part of, and if you want more details, you'll have to ask Lise or BDan. It was a magnificent showing of human strength and creativity. Also, the three of us turned into a salamander (we got better).

Tl;Dr: Sorcy was weirdly over-involved with the ceilidhs this year, while somehow hopefully still not being a spotlight hog.
Teaser: LET'S TALK ABOUT DANCE FORMS OKAY THAT'S FUN FOR EVERYONE RIGHT?!

~Sor
MOOP!

Tamra looked at me a couple times while she was visiting, and pointed out that I get really passionate when I talk about dancing. Like, she can tell it's important to me --tell that it's one of the most important things in my life-- because of the way I light up, and start moving, and stumble over my words in my haste and enthusiasm to explain everything I love about it.

During the social part of professional development this afternoon, I found myself doing it again. I was talking with one of the ELL specialists, about language and music and dance, and my whole body just felt electric and engaged. She seemed entirely charmed, and not at all horrified by my exuberance, which I found very polite. When I think about it harder, I find it not polite but _correct_ that she be charmed, because people being passionate and sharing knowledge is the most charming thing, and yes Kat, that applies to you too.

(I will never win the war against my own self-esteem, but I'll be damnded if I give up on it without a fight.)

Dancing is important.
Dancing is incredibly important.
Dancing is, if not the single most important verb in my life, certainly in the top three¹, and my life would be radically, shatteringly, different (and worse) without it.

Dancing is an activity that has significant connections to freedom, sex, kink and power dynamics, kinesthesia and body awareness, gender, GENDER, costuming, teaching and learning, performance, mathematics and patterns, joy, flirtation, and fun. That list is basically the complete "things wot Kat will perk up for", minus the spiders and board games, and both of those can be found in spades at Pinewoods.

I love dancing. If this post somehow does not convince you, catch me in person and measure the jump in wattage behind my eyes when you ask me to explain the differences between "allemandes" throughout set dances. I love dancing and I am fucking passionate about it. If I could spend all my time and energy on it, I easily would.

So.

I have been spending a lot of serious time with people who are serious believers in Getting Things Done and changing the rules of the world until it is working for you and your passions. I don't know that Tamra was specifically scouting me for life-coaching, but then again, I don't know that she wasn't either, and a lot of her other observations/suggestions re: my life were the sorts of things that made me wish it was socially acceptable to carry a notepad and transcribe constant notes from casual conversations.

I am passionate about dance. What can I do with this. How can I --for lack of a better term-- monetize my passion.

(It's not about making money. It's about taking money. Destroying the status quo because the status is NOT quo It's about creating a world for myself where I can spend as much of my time as possible doing things that make me wave my hands around and physically bounce up and down. There are two ways to find this world, and one of them involves finding a method of capital acquisition that I love so much that I feel genuine joy participating in it².)

How can I work out my world so that, at the very least, I get to engage, and meta-engage, in this most wonderful activity as often as possible.

How can I bring my passion to other people, how can I find other people with similar minds, how can I better do teaching, and outreach, and gosh I don't even know.

Dancing is important. How do I bring it to the rest of the world?

I'm gonna keep mulling this over in the near future. In the meantime, well, if only there were some sort of dedicated space online to put these sorts of thoughts.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: It ranks behind writing and ahead of teaching, but then we get into verb-combination and sometimes I get to teach people to dance.

2: The other involves finding a method that will get me as much capital as possible, in as little time as possible, and then spending all of my non-capital-achieving hours engaging in activities that bring me genuine joy. There's a third method, but I'm no good at dismantling capitalism.