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May. 22nd, 2019 02:02 amSooooo, it's yet again 1:45 in the morning with words unwritten and some amount of sleep behind me. This is *not* actually a good trend, or one I think should keep going. I don't even have anything good to write about tonight! Aieeeeeee!
***
I did sign the lease with Ezri. This involved a visit to a real office building, an activity I always find really fun. I don't know why I get such joy out of being in corporate centers, beyond the utter novelty of it all --I've never worked in a traditional office and neither have my parents. Also, I like the little glimpses of humanity you get when walking in a cube farm. Who has action figures, or photos, or gender 101 resources posted on their walls?
***
This afternoon, I read a twitter thread about accidentally stealing a brick of heroin, and having the balls to really pull it off. It was a Really Good Thread --maybe some of the best nonfiction I've read in a while! Despite knowing that obviously the person had to survive (since they were reporting back about this event from their past) I found my heart pounding as the story built.
I wonder if the tweet format was responsible for some of the Emotions I was having, since Twitter naturally interrupts the flow of your story. Having a choppy staccato feel really worked for this one, since it was meant to be a thriller. Check it out maybe!
Today in therapy we talked some about burnout (and Jenn recommended a book to me, so I will have to go to the library OH NO HOW TERRIBLE to see if I can find that. We also talked some about reading and nonfiction and why I'm kinda bad at it, but we'll see. I do genuinely want to do some research on this, which makes getting a book more likely.)
We also talked about how burnout tends to be higher in people who are seeing more of a disconnect between what they are doing and the positive change they'd like to be making. Her example was hospice care workers (who can genuinely put effort and love into their patients and still watch them get worse because that's what happens sometimes.) but it's very easy to draw that parallel with teaches, and with the idea that I can _always_ be doing more and my job really emphasizes that.
Soooo we'll see. Like I said, maybe I go to the library sometime this week and investigate.
***
Going to the library is much more feasible than it's been lately, as I only have a few more days with full caseload, and then I am largely done! Yesterday I graded all the Data Analysis work for both classes (except the final project) and today I did the same for Calculus, which means all my students have progress reports saying "look, this is it, this is the thing." Tomorrow morning I need to do the same for Algebra --even though I don't have any seniors in that class, it'd be nice to be caught up and able to tell them "here's what YOU have to catch up on in the next few weeks", especially to the one or two students who just...are very much on the edge of passing that class.
Or maybe instead of Reading Books and doing Self-Enrichment, I will once again discover unblocked-games-dot-com or whatever and see just how much Bloon's Tower Defense I can play before the end of the school year.
***
The fact that I do have things to write about is, I think, a good one. The last few days have been a bit of a struggle, and feeling very brain-foggy. I still feel kinda brain-foggy all up ins, but it's tempered with a slow movement forward and a feeling that there's light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm not always sure that I'm using my therapist "correctly", but ultimately, I do feel like it's a chance to force me to be accountable for my brain, and that is not nothing.
I hope y'all are well!
~Sor
MOOP!
***
I did sign the lease with Ezri. This involved a visit to a real office building, an activity I always find really fun. I don't know why I get such joy out of being in corporate centers, beyond the utter novelty of it all --I've never worked in a traditional office and neither have my parents. Also, I like the little glimpses of humanity you get when walking in a cube farm. Who has action figures, or photos, or gender 101 resources posted on their walls?
***
This afternoon, I read a twitter thread about accidentally stealing a brick of heroin, and having the balls to really pull it off. It was a Really Good Thread --maybe some of the best nonfiction I've read in a while! Despite knowing that obviously the person had to survive (since they were reporting back about this event from their past) I found my heart pounding as the story built.
I wonder if the tweet format was responsible for some of the Emotions I was having, since Twitter naturally interrupts the flow of your story. Having a choppy staccato feel really worked for this one, since it was meant to be a thriller. Check it out maybe!
Today in therapy we talked some about burnout (and Jenn recommended a book to me, so I will have to go to the library OH NO HOW TERRIBLE to see if I can find that. We also talked some about reading and nonfiction and why I'm kinda bad at it, but we'll see. I do genuinely want to do some research on this, which makes getting a book more likely.)
We also talked about how burnout tends to be higher in people who are seeing more of a disconnect between what they are doing and the positive change they'd like to be making. Her example was hospice care workers (who can genuinely put effort and love into their patients and still watch them get worse because that's what happens sometimes.) but it's very easy to draw that parallel with teaches, and with the idea that I can _always_ be doing more and my job really emphasizes that.
Soooo we'll see. Like I said, maybe I go to the library sometime this week and investigate.
***
Going to the library is much more feasible than it's been lately, as I only have a few more days with full caseload, and then I am largely done! Yesterday I graded all the Data Analysis work for both classes (except the final project) and today I did the same for Calculus, which means all my students have progress reports saying "look, this is it, this is the thing." Tomorrow morning I need to do the same for Algebra --even though I don't have any seniors in that class, it'd be nice to be caught up and able to tell them "here's what YOU have to catch up on in the next few weeks", especially to the one or two students who just...are very much on the edge of passing that class.
Or maybe instead of Reading Books and doing Self-Enrichment, I will once again discover unblocked-games-dot-com or whatever and see just how much Bloon's Tower Defense I can play before the end of the school year.
***
The fact that I do have things to write about is, I think, a good one. The last few days have been a bit of a struggle, and feeling very brain-foggy. I still feel kinda brain-foggy all up ins, but it's tempered with a slow movement forward and a feeling that there's light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm not always sure that I'm using my therapist "correctly", but ultimately, I do feel like it's a chance to force me to be accountable for my brain, and that is not nothing.
I hope y'all are well!
~Sor
MOOP!
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