MOOP!

I relaid altar tonight, for the first time in...a long time. I'm not sure how long. The cat has been Interested in it of late (after two full years of living in this house and ignoring it entirely) and so I took the opportunity to pick up all the pieces and clean out the cube I keep it in and re-set it entirely.

What do I put in an altar right now? Well, the first thing was a black bandanna, folded as though to be worn on top of the head. I don't remember where I got it, so I can tell myself that it really was once on his head, and a gift from him. Because the black bandanna was a ShadowCaptain trademark.

And it has been a hard six weeks, and I have not had time to mourn, or maybe it's just that I haven't _wanted_ to mourn because if I let myself cry that he is really truly gone, then it means he is really truly gone.

Really truly.

But no one is gone while their name is spoken or their story is told. So let me tell you a story about ShadowCaptain. It's the story of March 11th, 2006. It is, to go back to the old tease, the story of how I lost my virginity.

...my Rocky Horror virginity, that is.

Because the movie had come out when my mother was sixteen, she declared that sixteen was the magic age, the magic number, when us kids could go see it for ourselves. I didn't really know much about it, just that it was supposed to be fun and weird and queer and cultish and unique. I had bits and pieces gathered from various places, I'd heard the Time Warp, I...had no fucking idea what it really was, but I knew it was gonna be something I liked.

And so I was sixteen and a half, and still hadn't gone, and mom's friend ShadowCap volunteered to bring me along to the next Satanic Mechanics livecast, right there at UMD College Park's Hoff Theatre. I wore heels and bright lipstick and had a V written right on my forehead. I played the virgin games (and won them!), and I danced the time warp and I learned that in addition to everything else, there were people shouting funny lines and making the whole audience laugh!

And no one was funnier or louder or more exactly on cue than the normally kinda-socially-anxious black-clad redhead who had brought me. I became _obsessed_ with the show for a good long time, and so much of that obsession is because of the company I kept, and the high standards with which I was raised.

(a story that is not about ShadowCaptain is when I was in Atlanta, several years later, and visiting the local cast. We finished the show and were ready to leave, and a cast member came up to me and grabbed my arm. "Where did you come from?!" they asked, amazed, because here I had of nowhere to bring dozens of callbacks no one had ever heard and deliver them with perfect panache.

Of course, that story really is about ShadowCaptain, because every word I shout at the screen I do in his voice. I am not clever like this myself, but I am a very good mimic.)

He drove me home and I was absolutely bubbling over with excitement the whole time. The Mechanics only performed a couple times a semester, and I don't think I missed another one until well after I went to college. And neither did ShadowCaptain. He was there, with his voice and his camera, ready to be pleasantly surprised by me appearing out of nowhere just to see this show with him.

I don't think I have any artifacts from Rocky Horror that could sit on my altar. But I do keep a key for my virginity. ShadowCaptain and I never had sex, we never dated, we weren't in any way that kind of relationship. But I think you can call that First Time one of those significant steps away from childhood and into my adult self. Calling it ~virginity~ is a funny joke. Calling it ~growing up~ suddenly makes it serious.

Thank you, 'Cap. Next time RiffRaff throws open the grandfather clock, it's your body I'll be asking to see. No one else will get it or understand, but I think it might've made you laugh.

I'm gonna fucking miss him.

~Sor
MOOP!

(Oh yeah. And if you wanna go see me being an original tease, this link should keep it exactly how you would've seen the 16 year old's post on your friends page...)

Four and a half years ago, I was engaging in a mindless little elljay survey "What have you done" sort of life experience thing.

One of the items was "Seen Tori Amos perform live". I was fifteen. I was not especially pop culture savvy. I responded with "Who?"

A few days later, ShadowKevin wrote a post about picking battles, which touched on my offhand answer. He had chosen not to fight that fight, figuring it was ridiculous to force Highly Important Music on the snarky fifteen year old. What he essentially said (either there or in other posts) was that you couldn't force Tori on people. She had to be Found.

He said some other stuff, but what I took away from all of it was that Tori Amos had music that was strong and sad and beautiful and full of cope, and eventually, I would be at a point in my life where I would need her, and at that point I would go find her.

I've held that in the back of my mind for the last four and a half years. I've figured out who exactly Tori is, and what she's for, and yes, I've managed to fall just a little bit in love with her -after I read her introduction to the Sandman comic "Death: The High Cost of Living".

But I've never heard her music. I've never made that effort to Find her, perhaps because I've never needed to Find her. It's not that I've never felt sad and scared and empty and lone, or that I've never needed music to protect me when I'm in that zone. It's just that, I think, I've fond my own safety nets for when that happens.

I've nothing against Tori. I'd be perfectly happy to put her in my "Sad Girls with Pretty Voices" playlist, which is pretty much what I need when I'm in that bad place. But when I cry, when I truly need the music to protect me, I'm first gonna turn to the old protections, the old comforts, those made strong by a year or more of already spilled tears. I've never Needed Tori, because at all those points where I really would, I had someone else to catch me.

---

She didn't play "The Tower"
And she didn't play "Lullaby for a Stormy Night"

But she did play "Harbor", which was my first, and she did play "City Hall", which makes me cry with the beauty and the sadness of it all, and she did play "Gravity" and she did play lots of new and beautiful songs and wrapped me up in her music and her voice. And so, for a few hours, in the real world (and not just in my head) I was safe.

I saw Vienna Teng yesterday last the other week. Vienna, who has held me through tearstorms and panic attacks, who has let me dance my way back into stability, who's words have wrapped themselves 'round my arms and through my mind. Vienna, who above and beyond anything else she makes me feel, makes me feel incredibly perfectly safe,

Vienna Teng who is my Tori Amos.

---

And who knows. Maybe there's still time for my brain to break in just the right fashion so that Tori is the only thing I need. I wouldn't mind that. And maybe I'll just find her anyways, where I don't need her at all but am perfectly happy to add her songs to my collection. In the meantime, when I'm broken, and need my music to heal me...I have my resources.

I have Vienna. And that may be all I need.

~Sor
MOOP!

See, SOMEONE bought me a little Jack Sparrow action figure. (Whom I have cleverly named Jacktion Sparrow.)

And SOMEONE told me that they were amused by my last comic, and that I should do more of them.

So this comic is totally all ShadowCaptains fault.

( The Continuing Adventures of JACKTION SPARROW! )

And no, I'm not sure why it's the continuing adventures when this is the first one.

~Sor
MOOP!

First off, xkcd continues to be the single most amazing comic that has ever been written. Seriously, that may be my new friendslist criteria. If you are NOT reading xkcd, then you have no right to be on my friendslist. It's amazing.

As for that specific comic, I think I need to go do that now. Get a couple kites, go out on the streets, and run with it.

Hmmm...if only there was particular space time coordinates that are less then two miles from my college where a lot of xkcd fans would be gathering...

:D

Completely unrelated, can doing things "FOR SCIENCE" now be known as "Pulling the lever the second time"? Because I think that that's an awesome name for it.

Second off, thanks to ShadowKev for finding the LOLcky Horror Picture Show.

And by thanks, I mean, you're a disturbing man for managing to locate it. Whatthefuck, man? *grins*

Annnnnnd I'm out.

~Sor
MOOP!

Original Tags: lolcats, kites, rhps, xkcd meetup, xkcd

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Yeah. It's 2007!

Highlights from last night:

*Holyshit I got to see MagusMarc! (Or marcmagus, if you prefer) That was just awesome upon awesome. He gets favourite person of the day for yesterday award. And he braided my hair for me and squeeyay!

*Holyshit, I won the soliliquy contest! Ksatyr has vidfootage, it's gonna wind up on YouTube before too long. Voila!

(Also, I now have a Toblerone bar. Mmmm)

In short, my V for Vendetta monologue continues to rule. :D

*Kevin was Hamlet, and he had bees to go "Buzz Buzz!" Yayyyyyy! I think he gets my favourite person for today award.

*I met new and more excellent people, including this sweetheart named Eric. Since I seem to have an incredible knack for curling up and cuddling with people I hardly know. Fandom rules.

*Quote of the day: (Declared within five minutes after midnight) "I shouldn't have chugged the whole bottle --I don't feel so good."

Bernie has learned that sparkling cider is meant to be sipped. :p

*Oh and big thing --Liam! and Tara are engaged!! Yayayayayyayaya!!

Sooooo, yeah. Morelater.

~Sor
MOOP!

I still exist.

Just got back from listening to the band kids. I am deeply sad about the fact that haveasuperday is leaving, because I LOVE BETH! Because she is amazingly wonderful.

I've got another year with most of the rest of them though! So that's good anyways.

I also realized that I miss macaroniandtuna a lot. I think it had something to do with the fact that the last band concert I attended was with him. I dunno. Come home soon!

Kat deah...he is

Well yeah, I know that. But it sounds so much more dramatic and wistful if I pretend he isn't.

...With all due respect: *headdesks repeatedly*

Offense taken! I'll beat you up later.

Other stuff...I'm mek-deprived. I haven't gotten to talk to him for any serious amount of time, for entierly too long. Although it does really amuse me that he and Satyr (Satyr and him?) have friended each other. I love elljay linking, it makes me a happy Kat.

Kung-fu has left me sore. :( Although, I am definently improving! And Sifu complimented my Jiu Sau, so yay for that!

...Dude, the packet of random stuff including all the cantonese we use in class is SO much more comprehensible then it was....eight? months ago. Augustish, methinks.

Heh, it was great, Mel looks at me and goes "Kat, why are you wearing Josh's kung-fu shirt?" Evil secret twins for the win!

I should go sleep now, especially as I am dyingcold-ridden. Ta, kids!

~Sor
MOOP!

P.S: Rocky Horror this Saturday at University of Maryland (College Park)'s Hoff Theater, at, of course, Midnight. I will certainly be there, as will shadowcaptain and Allyson and AJ. You lot should all come and hang out.

...No, I'm not obsessed. ...much.

Bytheway, Kev, you owe me pictures! I DEMAND PICTURES!! Mostly because, if you're going to have THAT MUCH potential blackmail on me, I want copies too!

Original Tags: unfiled people-lrhs, rhps, kung-fu, life

The people-riffic meme!

Rules are:
First, write down the names of twenty people you know. Then read and answer the questions.

You can't look at the questions (or click on the cut) until you write down the twenty names you're going to use.

That sounds fun...and perfectly acceptable for my first post in who knows how Godly long.

I know. I admit it. I'm weak. LJ has called to me, and I must answer it. I'm back.

Right right right. On with the names!

1) artemisfowl2nd
2) muzikmaker21
3) macaroniandtuna
4) werewulf
5) quadrophenic86
6) sonsashi
7) jannyblue
8) drama_angel3189
9) kugelblitz
10) ednoria
11) heptadecagram
12) firespell89
13) haveasuperday
14) sonotsupercool
15) boredmder
16) shadowcaptain
17) sildar
18) gaeanangel
19) ayleedragon
20) astaereth

( Don't read this until you have YOUR list ready!! )

Alright, back to general life.

I've only got internet on teh weekends. But thats ok.

Still not going to touch the webcomics. Not yet. Not until I have full, legal acess to Dmitri again.

*sigh* I miss 'em.

Other stuff:

*I went garage saleing yesterday. I picked up a pair of clunky black leather boots, a translucent plastic chair (I'm going to paint it) a beanie-baby penguin (for a dollar...remember when you couldn't find beanie babys for less then 6 or 7 a pop?) which I promptly named Ms. Hecubus, a purse, and a camera bag. It ruled.

*I also went to the aquarium yesterday with Zily (Lily and Zoe), and a couple of friends of theres, David and Leah. It was very cool, especially the skates, and the fish I befriended. He was a very cool fish, all neon-striped and whatnot. We had a long conversation, turns out he's a total theatre boy, and a bit of a drama-queen. He said he was also quite gay, which made me smile.

It was Jonny!!!!! in fish form. :D

*Me and Veronica went for a walk today, with Rex. It rocked.

*Played Halo with Shan and Mike Royster and Veronica. also fun, although, like usual, I got my butt kicked.

*This morning I finally caught up and saw EpIII. I liked it, although I found Anikin INCREDIBLY whiny. CHEER UP! I don't see what all those girls see in him. :p

*I think thats all...ego-boost writing will commence shortly.

~Sorceress

MOOP!

Original Tags: cloneness, unfiled people-alsoreal, unfiled people-internet, greykell ir'ryc, memage, kyu, siblings, nathen, elljay, cloneconvo, memage-questions, loot, drummer_dude, over one hundred!!!, nik, movies and tv, grammarfail, talia, omgwtfhcgsdcbbq, more-paul, v, shadowkev, momo, maccytu, jannyblue, unfiled people-lrhs, tagged