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So, Monday was pretty much a hell zone day --I read a lot of unresolved mysteries, watched several episodes of bakeshow, and basically got nothing constructive done.
Today was also largely a hell zone day, although I _had_ to get some things done, because that's what Tuesdays are. I attended an equity task force meeting and got a bunch of work done, I initiated first contact with the movers (need to follow up more), I went to therapy. I was pretty draggy for the last and generally did not want to do...anything.
And then I went to D&D. And maybe I should do a little more work to figure out which part of this is the part that is quite so nourishing and necessary to my soul, because my mood had a complete turnaround by the end of it. I feel...happy and competent and fulfilled and like I can Get Stuff Done and generally be an enjoyable human instead of a trapped hell-zone fool.
Maybe it's the roleplaying. Maybe it's the "hang with a small group of people including people I don't know well but probably like". Maybe it's getting to hang with an actual kid. Maybe it's just...the fact that no matter how little I actually play games, and how utterly infrequently I actually roleplay, coming back to the dice and the table feels immeasurably like home.
In reality, that second one is probably a *lot* of it. Even when I still thought I was a full-time extrovert1, I knew I had an exception for "talking to new people I already liked". That remains a really charging and exciting form of social interaction for me, and given the whole bubble and pandemic thing, has been way _way_ less available than usual. Of the six people in the game, I only knew well my DM, and passably his wife --the other three players are totally new to me and two of them are delightful adult humans who I am warming to very quickly.
The third is a delightful 11 year old who is REALLY EXCITED about fantasy books (I could spend the next week reading and *maybe* get through everything he recommended -and I read fast!) and generally plays in a low-impulse-control high-hitting-stuff manner, but is generally willing to be redirected/calmed down, and winds up telling us all at least once a session how much fun he's having (aw!). Also, lbr, I like lots of aspects of roleplaying, but low-impulse-control high-hitting-stuff is absolutely what I want out of my DnD right now --I can better handle political intrigue when it feels more fictional, yanno? Gimmie the direct action in the meantime!
But yes, having three other adults who I didn't know(/well) who I can chat with in bits and snippets throughout the game is just...lovely. It's low-key energizing for itself, and it's exciting for the possibility of new friendships and new interesting people in my world, and *double* because I'm just not getting very much of that right now. Also, I'm just straight up enjoying the range of experience at the table --one of the people I'd not met has never played an rpg before. One of them is far more experienced than me (and is the person the DM keeps asking for fiddly advice bits). The third, I'm not sure of her experience, but it's enjoyable to have her along for the ride.
And then there's me, who (like I said), views tabletop rpgs as a form of Home, despite not being a house I've stayed in very often these past years. You know how it takes a village to raise a child? So much of the village that raised me were the people who were inventing LARPing in the 80's. I swarmed through the archives of Knights of the Dinner Table when I was a kid, I can recite the Gazebo story with perfect campfire tale cadence.
Of course I also played games - da ran an amazing thing for years and years in the basement, Paul taught me and Veronica and the twins Runequest, Bernie ran a bunch of us some DnD proper, and one or two sessions of Spycraft(?)...but to some extent, it was more about growing up in the culture, and having it something embraced and celebrated, than about the actual literal roleplaying of it all.
Tomorrow is going to be a Weird brain day (I'm doing a favour that involves being awake very early in the morning), but I am hoping to be able to carry some of this energy and motivation and drive into it. Oh, and I know y'all didn't ask, but her name is Gwent, she's a human ranger who works as a shepherd and fiber artist/dyer and strictly speaking she runs a queer farm community outside the city but that's not actually relevant to the plot. I love her!
~Sor
MOOP!
PostScript: I've also made a few new friends/acquaintances/circle-peeps on Dreamwidth of late, and I'm feeling good about that decision as well. Hi y'all!
Today was also largely a hell zone day, although I _had_ to get some things done, because that's what Tuesdays are. I attended an equity task force meeting and got a bunch of work done, I initiated first contact with the movers (need to follow up more), I went to therapy. I was pretty draggy for the last and generally did not want to do...anything.
And then I went to D&D. And maybe I should do a little more work to figure out which part of this is the part that is quite so nourishing and necessary to my soul, because my mood had a complete turnaround by the end of it. I feel...happy and competent and fulfilled and like I can Get Stuff Done and generally be an enjoyable human instead of a trapped hell-zone fool.
Maybe it's the roleplaying. Maybe it's the "hang with a small group of people including people I don't know well but probably like". Maybe it's getting to hang with an actual kid. Maybe it's just...the fact that no matter how little I actually play games, and how utterly infrequently I actually roleplay, coming back to the dice and the table feels immeasurably like home.
In reality, that second one is probably a *lot* of it. Even when I still thought I was a full-time extrovert1, I knew I had an exception for "talking to new people I already liked". That remains a really charging and exciting form of social interaction for me, and given the whole bubble and pandemic thing, has been way _way_ less available than usual. Of the six people in the game, I only knew well my DM, and passably his wife --the other three players are totally new to me and two of them are delightful adult humans who I am warming to very quickly.
The third is a delightful 11 year old who is REALLY EXCITED about fantasy books (I could spend the next week reading and *maybe* get through everything he recommended -and I read fast!) and generally plays in a low-impulse-control high-hitting-stuff manner, but is generally willing to be redirected/calmed down, and winds up telling us all at least once a session how much fun he's having (aw!). Also, lbr, I like lots of aspects of roleplaying, but low-impulse-control high-hitting-stuff is absolutely what I want out of my DnD right now --I can better handle political intrigue when it feels more fictional, yanno? Gimmie the direct action in the meantime!
But yes, having three other adults who I didn't know(/well) who I can chat with in bits and snippets throughout the game is just...lovely. It's low-key energizing for itself, and it's exciting for the possibility of new friendships and new interesting people in my world, and *double* because I'm just not getting very much of that right now. Also, I'm just straight up enjoying the range of experience at the table --one of the people I'd not met has never played an rpg before. One of them is far more experienced than me (and is the person the DM keeps asking for fiddly advice bits). The third, I'm not sure of her experience, but it's enjoyable to have her along for the ride.
And then there's me, who (like I said), views tabletop rpgs as a form of Home, despite not being a house I've stayed in very often these past years. You know how it takes a village to raise a child? So much of the village that raised me were the people who were inventing LARPing in the 80's. I swarmed through the archives of Knights of the Dinner Table when I was a kid, I can recite the Gazebo story with perfect campfire tale cadence.
Of course I also played games - da ran an amazing thing for years and years in the basement, Paul taught me and Veronica and the twins Runequest, Bernie ran a bunch of us some DnD proper, and one or two sessions of Spycraft(?)...but to some extent, it was more about growing up in the culture, and having it something embraced and celebrated, than about the actual literal roleplaying of it all.
Tomorrow is going to be a Weird brain day (I'm doing a favour that involves being awake very early in the morning), but I am hoping to be able to carry some of this energy and motivation and drive into it. Oh, and I know y'all didn't ask, but her name is Gwent, she's a human ranger who works as a shepherd and fiber artist/dyer and strictly speaking she runs a queer farm community outside the city but that's not actually relevant to the plot. I love her!
~Sor
MOOP!
PostScript: I've also made a few new friends/acquaintances/circle-peeps on Dreamwidth of late, and I'm feeling good about that decision as well. Hi y'all!
