It's HELLA EGOTISTICAL TIME!

[sorcyress]

I got told by someone recently that I'm really not very good at portraying the non-sexual self that I actually am, what with my recockulous amounts of flirting and my willingness to cuddle or sit in peoples laps or other such behaviors.

Thoughts?

~Sor
MOOP!

(To clarify, comments are not screened, feel free to toss stuff to make me more/less neurotic via e-mail if you don't want the world to see it, kdsorceress, gmail, you know how to fill in the blanks.)

Comments

[swingerzetta.livejournal.com]

You have never occurred to me as non-sexual. You are perhaps not sexually active, but you've got a sexuality to you even if it's not the "I wanna go out and get laid" sort.

[werewulf.livejournal.com]

what swingerzetta said....

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Ooo, that's *good*. I may steal that and use it as a testimonial in my userinfo.

~Sor

[harena.livejournal.com]

He is good. He's done freakin' wonders with me.

*grins at all her SwingerQuotes that she refers to on a regular basis*

[zaphod-groupie.livejournal.com]

As a person who is very nearly on the other end of the sexuality spectrum, I think you do a perfectly reasonable job of representing yourself. There's a bigomfghuge difference between being *opposed* to something versus just not into it, and, correct me if I'm wrong (which I'm not, because I'm perfect that way ; D), but you're much more the latter, right? Other than wearing a sign on your back that reads "I hang out with stoners and condone their actions but I don't pesonally enjoy smoking pot!", who's going to know from looking at you what your feeling on the matter is, y'know?

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

I'm much more the latter. In the beginning of high school, I was pretty vehement "Ohemgee sex is the badzors and no one can have it, ever" but I've adapted that to be "sex is gross, and weird, and okay, you crazy people can enjoy yourselves, but I'll be over here. Being sensible."

That's a pretty good comparison. Hum.

Thanks Lauren. You are an awesome person, since I don't think I tell you that often enough.

~Sor

[drama-angel3189.livejournal.com]

You are just very physical with out people you are confortable with.
They just can't seperate the idea that you can be close without having sex.

*hugs*
ANd you can sit in my lap all you want!

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Veronica love, I'm highly blessed with the fact that we have a completely and in all ways mutually platonic relationship. I don't get that very often, and so I am more likely to sit in your lap then other peoples.

Mmm, also, yay. Thanks for making it seem the rest of the world is crazy and not me. It may not be true, but thanks for doing so anyways.

~Sor

[macaroniandtuna.livejournal.com]

You occasionally (comment on how you) have a dirty mind, too (which is perfectly fine, it's amusing, so don't take that as an insult or anything), and, y'know, minds in the gutter don't often go together with non-sexuality. So yeah. That could be part of people's misinterpretation too. ::Shrug::

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Mmm, you have a good point, and don't worry, I'm not insulted in the slightest.

Stupid people. Ah well. This just means that I'll have to think more about how things will be construed before I say them.

~Sor

[astaereth.livejournal.com]

hm. I feel like a lot of our interactions together tend to drift toward sexual ideas--but then, I'm inclined to think that's a good thing.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

You're also very much a sexually based person and "safe" in that you live half to a full continent away. Meaning that I feel I can better control any given situation --should our conversation get uncomfortable, it's easier to ask someone to stop doing something when you're not looking them in the eye, and if you don't stop, I can just log off.

(This is not to say that you've ever done anything inappropriate to me. You are pretty much a perfect gentleman, and I thank you for that. Alis, however, turns bright pink should anyone mention the phrase "go fish" around her, so I suspect your boys may have left an effect. *grins*)

~Sor

[skullx.livejournal.com]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

You?! Wanting to come off as non-sexual?!

PUH-LEEEEEASE!

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

...*blinks*

Thank you dear, I wasn't nearly neurotic enough. I just really needed to spend the day wondering whether you're being serious or farsical here.

~Sor

[ancientsong.livejournal.com]

What you put out there and what people take from it can be two very different things. You may not consciously be portraying yourself as sexual but then, I think most people in our society are not the cuddlers, huggers, snooglers you are so someone who sees that in you may take it as you being sexual even when you are not specifically meaning to be. I think we as a culture have somehow lost the idea of touch as a non-sexual expression of affection. Certainly I think it can be both but nowadays, it feels like touch is more often than not a precursor to something sexual in potentially charged situations.

Plus, actually I do think you are sexual even if you are not purposely so. Some of it is just the organism's way of being out there whether you, sorcy, are actually consciously in charge of what your body is doing (pheromones, etc.). My .02.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Ah, that's an interesting point. I realize that I'm somewhat physilogically sexual, what with whole "having horemones and getting horny and admiring pretty people and becoming entierly tongue tied when concepts I find immensely arousing (mmm, frolicking naked Tennant/Rickman pr0n) go into my head.

I hadn't thought about the other half of that, which is the pheremones thing, mostly because I have very little expirience with pheremones in general. Are you able to explain more?

And yeah, damn society with their archaic ideas of what touch means. It's perfectly possible for friends to snuggle on a couch and watch movies or Firefly or whatever!

~Sor

[ancientsong.livejournal.com]

I am not an expert on pheromones at all so I will not be the best at explaining it, but here goes...

It's about smell (sort of). We inhale scents that our frontal lobe doesn't seem to be able to distinguish but other, older parts of our brains can still react to.

So a pheromone is a chemical that elicits a natural response from a member of the same species (we can smell the musk from a female fox, for example, but we don't have the same reaction that a male fox might have). We have fear pheromones, sex pheromones, etc. Females release pheromones to indicate they are ready for breeding (this happens in lots of species not just ours) and males have similar things go on. But, since we as a species get to decide when we will procreate, we don't always jump in the sack when those pheromones are released. However, that doesn't stop them from being released. So, even if you are not sexually active, you are still likely producing/releasing those pheromones because you are of the right age, physical maturity to do so.

Again, I am not an expert on this so ymmv and others may have different opinions/views.

[harena.livejournal.com]

Most everybody has said what i would have said already, but i do want to toss in my 2 cents worth mainly in the direction of being able to have physical contact without it having to be sexual... Because of my experiences with samesuch & my own dawning realization things sexual in my own self.

'cause you see... after living with 2 different husbands both who were obsessed with sex & having the first one accuse me of being frigid because of his own impotence and the second literally not being able to have physical contact without it being sexual in nature, i ended up really kinda messed up about the whole thing. (not to mention having lost my virginity via date-rape.)

And so i pretty much decided that i really really Hated Sex and anything to do with it (oh & did i mention the conditioning by the Catholic Church? How it's evil & sinful & so on?) and oh why oh why did everyone have to make out about how it was so damn important (more so than other things in a relationship/marriage/whatever)? i became the crusader for the platonic.

And then W came along. He too hated sex but other reasons than mine. (which i'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind me telling you but yarrr, i'm not comfortable saying so in a public forum, don't care what he thinks about it ;P) And we found comfort in each other's want/need/desire for touch that did NOT lead to anything.

i have since then come around from the other side of that, faced a lot of demons (with the help of W & Swinger) and although i'm not 100% with stuffnthings, a lot of things have gotten better. i know that i am bisexual & that's okay. i know that i love to hug/snug/cuddle. it makes me feel good. i also can now handle a sexual encounter/relationship & enjoy it.

i'm not sure if this babbling is of any use at all but somehow it feels to me that in telling you such things, that perhaps it can help you feel okay with yourself either way.

[leiacat.livejournal.com]

Pshaw about "portrayal". The only people whose business it might be are the people with whom you decide to not have sex. Not the majority of the world with whom you don't have sex by default, just the ones for whom the question _might_ come up explicitly.

Or, people with whom you _do_ decide to ifwhen you do, or people you opt to tell yourself.

As you probably noticed, I'm pretty flirty and cuddly, too. So, most people don't know that I'm actually a shy intravert with asexual tendencies. And that is perfectly fine with me - people who need to know, get told. Flirting and cuddling is nice, but they are not a promise of anything else, and never let anyone tell you otherwise.

[kaleidoscope218.livejournal.com]

For such a short query, the answer is certainly much longer than can be covered in one post. Let me begin with based on what you have written the problem is not with you but the other person. If that is 'other people' as in you are getting this response repeatedly, you might want to look at the situation.

Managing expectations is certainly important. If for instance, you are taking people back to your empty dorm room, lighting candles, putting on/taking off fancy clothes, playing mood music . . . you get the picture, then hopping into bed with them they are certainly going to expect that you are interested in more than a cuddle.

Honestly, I spent many years dating (but not sleeping with-just cuddling) a lot of men. Some were surprised, many were persistent, most of them were ok with my choices. A very few got downright ugly - they left quickly. Frequently, I dealt with repeated temp checks - i.e. had I changed my mind, do I really mean what I said, etc.

Then at the ripe old age of 33 I met the "love of my life" and EVERYTHING changed. I will say that for some people only being with the right person feels good.

Anyway, I could go on for quite a while but I am uncertain exactly which direction to take my response. If you would like to talk, or correspond via e-mail I would be happy to. I will answer any question you ask to the best of my ability. I would also be happy to share my experiences and what I learned with you. If you don't have my contact info, you can get it from your mom. If you would rather have this/these conversations with someone else, I won't be offended.

Take Care of yourself!

[kugelblitz.livejournal.com]

On scent, there is a whole world of the unseen but detectable there. Some people smell right to me, and that is attractive while others never will. So as far as whether someone is sexual, behavior can have little to do with it, or it can. Over time other parameters can come onto with a given person, knowing them, body space issues (large, small, non existent) and so on.