(no subject)

[sorcyress]

So I think I've figured out my New Years Resolution(s), which I have not done in a few years, but I like being able to look back on them later and embarrassedly report in.

I have heard from various sources about the idea of chaining, and how well it seems to work. Basically, on every day you do your Good Thing, you give yourself a big ol' X on the calendar. Then you have a lovely long chain of x's, and the aesthetic of being some kind of badass like that makes you want to continue it. Motivation, ho!

I have done this previously, with 750words, and it really is a wonderfully heartwarming feeling to look at your calendar and have six straight months of being a rad thing without a single off day.

However, I am human, and more importantly, I am kindof a perpetually procrastinatory, usually unmotivated, fantastic fuck-up of a human. So I will be kind to myself. I would like to see if I can hit only eighty percent of this sort of chaining nonsense: twenty-five days a month. That's only about 300 days for the whole year, which I think I can probably do, yes.

I will be attempting four paths, as to make my life more interesting. First, of course, is writing. There is already a perfect website for this, I want to see if I can get back into the habit of a mere 750words per day. Not so many. Half an hour of writing and it makes my brain feel so much softer and nice. Even when it's not productive writing. Maybe especially when it's not productive writing.

The second is the ever-important Unfuck Your Habitat. My Habitat is embarrassingly fucked, basically all the time. In some sort of magical perfect world (hahahaha) if I spend twenty minutes every day working on cleaning things, I will eventually run out of a backlog of stuff to do and have to turn this chain into something else. Or I could turn it into doing more longer term cleaning tasks that no one actually does, like dusting the living room, or cleaning the stove.

Thirdly is circus arts. Not long, but if I spend fifteen minutes a day or so fucking around with juggling or contact juggling or handwalking or hooping, well, maybe I'll actually have some visually performative skills like I've wanted.

And the last chain is very simple. In fact, I am doing it right now: don't play Minesweeper. This is not an indictment against video games in general, or even Minesweeper specifically. This is just a reminder that Minesweeper adds nothing to my life, not even puzzlesolving skills at this point because it's become so rote. I am mildly addicted. Okay, the last few nights, I see the game when I close my eyes, maybe more than mildly addicted. And I don't even enjoy the damn thing! None of that, Mx Sorcy.

So those are my plans. If I am very good, I will get myself a calendar and actually make physical marks on all the days I do a Good Job.

13 is such a lucky number. Let's see if this is the year I can make myself feel like an adult.

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Of course, there is one other resolution, one that is more secret, one that is more small. I could feel it the other night, at the edges of my breakdown.

I want to be functional. I want to ask for what I need, because I deserve to be happy and deserve to be stable. And I have a great number of people who love me very much and agree with me. Who are _willing to help_.

All I have to do is ask. Lord is it the hardest thing. But I can do it. Slow but strong and stubborn, I will be the greatest thing I can.

Because let's face it: I am irrevocably awesome. And anyone who says otherwise can suck an exhaust pipe. <3

~Sor
MOOP!

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[ms-hecubus.livejournal.com]

OT: Delia's teacher told me yesterday that your cards arrived. Thanks! They really love them.