Absurd Questions

[sorcyress]

Oh, new question for everyone. This is totally stolen, without permission, from a friend of mine:

You are now in a massively over-the-top action movie. Bad Guys(tm) have swarmed your place of work. They are opposite-your-alignment, they are numerous, and you must defeat them in hand to hand combat! Lives are at stake --the *world* is at stake. Given two minutes lead time to prepare, how do you kick all the ass?

(Yes, this is at least partially to find out where you lot are working these days.)

~Sor
MOOP!

Comments

[harena]

Clearly i'd crochet a massive net to trap them in and then stab them to death with knitting needles!

Oh & then set them on fire.

[sorcyress]

You're awesome, Har. I want you on my superteam.

~Sor

[notyourwendy]

I am somewhat stir-crazy from lack of work and I have knitting needles. What else needs to be said?

[harena]

*high-fives!*

. o O (with the hand that is empty of knitting needles, of course)

[ccommack]

If they can beat casino security, they can beat me. The imperative priority is now evasion and escape.

[sorcyress]

Your point is taken, I suppose. But but but, won't you at least throw some poker chips at them?

~Sor

[ccommack]

Why waste them like that? They're still convertible to cash money...

[dhs]

Given two minutes lead time to prepare

Fire up the generator. Make sure a fun assortment of power tools are plugged in and handy. Secure the plugs into the extension cords so that they don't come loose.

Prep as many of the battery-powered tools as there is time for as well.

Oh, and for a last resort, make sure I have a claw hammer in each side of my toolbelt.

[sorcyress]

Eep!

And the hammers are a nice touch.

~Sor

[jannyblue.livejournal.com]

They got past ALL the security guards and electronic door locks?

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

They're extremely talented badguys.

~Sor

[joshuazelinsky.livejournal.com]

The math building is currently getting repaired by workers. Instead of actually fighting the bad guys can I just wait for them to get sick from the asbestos?

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

...

Well, technically yes, but what kind of action movie would *that* be?

~Sor

[jere7my.livejournal.com]

I work at a linguistics publisher, so I expect I'd just set up a bunch of bilabial stops.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

...

I sense I am not linguist-geeky enough to get that.

~Sor

[herbertinc.livejournal.com]

I'd get them drunk first - my office has a kegerator.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Bahaha. Yeah, okay.

I think that would shift the genre from action to comedy though. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing or anything...

~Sor

[mrs-pansy.livejournal.com]

I have an uncured sweet beef stick on my cubicle desk, courtesy of a grateful co-worker. I imagine I could beat off any bad guys with that. Hmmm, poor choice of words. Then again, maybe not...

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

*GIGGLES!*

[werewulf.livejournal.com]

I'm about to be an unemployed Stay-at-Home Mom. The bad guys will wander around my empty nest and be unable to find me!!

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

We could totally host some Home Alone antics in the house. Push 'em over railings, wack the badguys with pool cues...you and I, mom. We'd kick ass.

~Sor

[miriampenguin.livejournal.com]

... I suppose I could set up dirty-diaper mines...

[moniquill.livejournal.com]

Horde of disaffected teenage girls. Tons of hair products and canned Lysol. An entire drawer full of confiscated lighters.

Torch the motherfuckers.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

But then it'll be even *more* haunted!

Not that I disagree, mind. Also, remind me never to invade.

~Sor

[blueeowyn.livejournal.com]

If it had happened on Monday, I would have taken the jackhammers and used them. Today? Probably try to find a way to repurpose the CD shredder to attack people. Failing that, we have a fair amount of computer equipment that is going to be surplused, throwing it on the bad guys as they come up the stairs might be very effective.

Another option would be find the proverbial red tape and use it to set up webs to catch and hold the bad guys.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Catching them in a red tape web and shredding them is an excellent plan.

That being said, I kinda like the image of a super bulky old computer monitor suddenly flying down the staircase and crashing into someone. It would be dramatic, at the very least.

~Sor

[blueeowyn.livejournal.com]

Even some of the desktop towers could do some serious damage.

[tirerim.livejournal.com]

Well, since I work from home, I have access to two swords (though only one of them is sharp), lots of knives, an oaken staff, a couple of solid iron dice, and a number of other tools that could be used as bludgeoning weapons. Unfortunately the chainmail isn't of sufficient quality to actually be useful, but the ski helmet would at least protect my head.

[i-m-nobody.livejournal.com]

3 words. Delegate Delegate Delegate.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

And I presume you'll be doing important supervising-from-as-far-away-as-possible duties? :P

~Sor

[i-m-nobody.livejournal.com]

no no, just watching for advantage. A good deligator needs to be ready to step in to finish the job (hopefully almost finished by then, my time is valuable) if their minions aren't quite up to the task. I don't plan on running away, i just don't plan on fighting "fair" (or first). :-)

[hermitgeecko.livejournal.com]

I grab the other producers on my team and we rally a fierce team of kick-ass rockers. There is an extremely cinematic fight set to the strains of [unreleased Rock Band DLC artist], including flying kicks and hurled cans of soda. However, the tide is still against us until we are saved by our admins, who kick even more ass than we do.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

\m/

[lian-ambiguous.livejournal.com]

Bookshelves are heavy.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

And -though I shudder to suggest it unless the situation was truly desperate- books themselves make pretty good ranged weapons. Or at least distracting ones.

(Also hi!)

~Sor

[bluecannery.livejournal.com]

First of all, send the campers in as cannon fodder. What's that, Problem Children? You don't want to do this? You never want to do anything! Get out there and defend your camp! (This should buy me a few more minutes.)
Second, I could use hand-to-hand, but I think I'll save that for when things get really tough. Spend that time I gained to soup up Princess "Dawn of the Dead" (remake) style so I can mow those Marvin Farmers DOWN. A few of the other counselors would be riding along, using the weapons to take down any that we don't run over. If campers get in the way, their sacrifice will not be in vain.
If any Nogoodniks remain, gather up the nerdstaff and have an epic lightsaber-esque battle in Unicorn Field. That's where the big stand-off would be, of course, and that's when my hand-to-hand combat might come into play.
Afterwards, we have a ceremony (probably in campfire form, since this is froxxin' GS camp) to remember the fallen and celebrate our victory and reflect on what we've learned and probably have a sing-along (again, this is GS camp).

[bluecannery.livejournal.com]

Also, the final battle would be in the rain because a) it rains a lot here, so it would only be natural and 2) it makes it that much more dramatic.
And we would end with linger before sending the living campers off to bed. There might be s'mores.
Also also, one of my bosses approves of this plan. I think I win.

[lyrwen.livejournal.com]

LIQUID NITROGEN DOWN THE STAIR WELLLLLLSSSSS

[macaroniandtuna.livejournal.com]

I can't. I'd be trapped in my one-exit-only job-hunting basement. D:

[thrantar.livejournal.com]

Well, appropriately enough for an over the top action movie, I'd grab cleavers out of the kitchen, then top off the oil and gas for my car so I'm good to go for the chase scene. Unfortunately, pizzas don't make especially good weapons.

[leiacat.livejournal.com]

At work? By making them chase me up and down the stairs. I know I can handle a few trips to the 12th floor and back on foot (what with all the fire alarms we've had recently), but can they? Mwa-ha-ha-ha!