MOOP!

Following yesterday's theme of offbeat things fixing my mood, I am feeling better now because I lied to jere7my.

Now, normally, lying to jere7my is a naughty wicked thing and absolutely shouldn't be done. But it was one of those "are you okay?" "yes." lies --not that it makes it better or nothin', but at least I hope you can all understand that it's the sort of lie I tell far too often, and am therefore very used to doing.

He said okay. Trusting my answer, we returned to the dance.

I blinked, and my brain laughed at me. "Well dear" a rather sensible part of it said. "You told him you were okay. I do think that means you have to actually be okay now."

And so I more or less was.

***

As for reasons why my mood was in a not good place, well, the most of those belong in other venues. Stress about classes, and schoolwork and scheduling for next year is one. An interesting analysis of what is lost by the choices I have made is another. Letting my brain slowly piece together all the reasons why I might have failed one particular facet of my life is a very unpleasant third.

None of them are going to go away in the next few days, especially not if my body is going to insist on spewing blood shortly, like I suspect it will. I don't anticipate feeling particularly happy, probably not in more than brief spurts until the summer, but at least I don't seem to feel particularly negative. And in the meantime, there are ferrets and lemon cake, and those are both very very good things indeed.

I'm sure one of these days, the things that make me cry will go back to all being based in myself, and my own poor self-image, rather than in the problems caused by other people and my relationships with them. I look forward to it --while it's never fun to feel hideous and unloved, it's much easier to snap my brain out of it than when I'm trying to comprehend why I feel so hurt in a situation where no one involved has done anything wrong. Tears shed at the fault of others are generally more earned than tears shed at my own faults, or something equally melancholic and poetic.

Have a good evening, my dears.

~Sor
MOOP!

It's strange. I find that, less than two hours before I need to get to the airport to catch my flight Home...I don't really want to leave home.

For all I hate Columbia, and all I love Boston, there are people here who I love dearly, and who I never get to see. The internet connection is reliable, the tv watching is good, and I get to drive on occasion.

But most of all...my family is here. And I love them.

I've always had an uncommonly good relationship with each of the members of my family, so the idea of leaving them...well...it's a little tough. Boston's great and all, but there's no mom to take care of, no Aly to harass, no Nik to play games with.

This hasn't really happened before. Maybe it's the fact that I didn't get to say goodbye to Veronica, maybe it's that I spent all yesterday morning with one of the people down here that I count as a Friend¹, maybe it's that my period's about to start and so I'm just past crying without any reason, maybe it's that, after this semester, I'll have equal amounts of college in front of and behind me.

In a year, I will be closer to graduating college than high school.

I'm getting older, and I've always known that Columbia is not going to be where I let myself stagnate. DC, Bal'more, anywhere around here just isn't going to cut it either. I want Camberville, and baring that, I want somewhere around there, where I can spend the rest of my life in a place that I love.

I think I've just learned that sometimes, having the people I love matters too.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: Chris, of course. I don't really know that I have all that many Friends. For the sakes of non-drama, I'm not going to try and list them, except perhaps in my head. It doesn't matter, really, I can't much make the distinction. I have friends who I would tell anything to, and Friends who I don't talk to near often enough.

( TMI -- See icon. )

In other news, I went to see Wicked last night. OHMANLOVEGODGOOD!

I got to the theatre killer early, because I didn't have anything better to do, and while I was staring at the nice big poster announcing Sweeny Todd, Kelsey (president of drama club and in my computers class) showed up, so the two of us wound up finding our seats together.

We hung out for a while. I wound up gossiping idly about theatre with the two girls behind me, then near the end, the wonderful Beth ran over to the girl next to me (a friend of hers) and said "Switch seats with me!"

The two of them did a little bit of chivilrous arguing ("No, YOU take the good seat") before I became intelligent, turned to Beth and said "Switch with me!"

So I wound up sitting one row further up, and on stage left as opposed to stage right, Beth and her friend sat together, and everyone was happy.

Then show. OHMYGOD, show. A lot of people broke into spontaneous applause when Elphie came on stage, which she well deserved. She was snarky, she was cool, she was pretty much who I want to be. And she did SO well with "Wizard and I". The whole show was just brilliant, and made me really really want to learn to sew, because the costumes were just jawdroppingly beautiful.

At intermission, me and the girl next to me, Lindsey fell into talking, and actually hit it off really really well. We both had enough theatre background (She was in Jekyll and Hyde! *jealous*) to really have something to talk about at the awkward beginning bit, and by the time that was over, we were pretty much just talking. We chatted all of intermission, and then went home together and pretty much became friends by the end of it. So I have a new person to smile at when I see them around campus. :)

Andyeah. Show. Show was gooooooood. Show was shiny and wonderful and one spotguy who wasn't quite sure what he was doing at first, but I stopped noticing, so I guess he was good. There were a couple bits of crackly sound too. *glares at the soundtechs* But besides that, it was Magnificant!

Lessee...uhm....yeah. I cried during "No Good Deed" and "Not that Girl", I became very quiet and intense during the Dr. Dilimond scenes (prejudice gets to me) and I thought of Sherman during "As Long as You're Mine" for no particular reason other then I hadn't thought about him lately, and so I should say hi. >.>

So. HI DRUMMER DUDE!

Annnnnnnnd that's all. I'm back in the real world now, until Sweeny Todd. Gotta go to class!

~Sor
MOOP!

P.S: I got Elphie and Galinda's autographs. Squee!
P.P.S: I wonder how many of the original Oz books the library has...