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Dec. 8th, 2021 01:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressI can get sleep, or my body can take sleep, and as a way of illustrating that point, I just did over four hours of couch-sleep.
(Couch-sleep is the thing where I am sitting on the couch doing something and then I wake up and realize I've been sleeping for...some chunk of time. A four hour chunk is pretty long. A chunk that starts _before_ 9pm is pretty rare.)
It's not really surprising that I've been burning out like this, unfortunately. It's been a _very_ hard week or so, and I've been runnning mostly on fumes. I am distressed that I didn't get any of the Very Very Necessary grading done though, because I am rapidly running out of time to do it in.
Anyways, here's some things going on:
*I am catsitting! This is for my friends Sharon and Leonard, who I adore, and who have not been home to their native Scotland in a few years (because pandemic) so I am pleased to help them have the opportunity. Except I forgot that part of what was great about housesitting for the previously was being able to live somewhere else for a chunk of time back when I had a less satisfying roommate situation. Now that I have a better roommate situ, I am missing Ezri and Rey (and also missing my <15 minute commute to work).
*Annnnnd the cat has been Not Eating. She's seventeen years old, and basically managed to go like three full days without consuming any food or drink, and was exhibiting "hide under the bed" and general lethargy behaviors and all of that was terrible. So we went to the vet yesterday, which was not my favourite adventure, Let Me Tell You. Turns out she's medically fine, just (in Sharon's words) a prima-donna.
More accurately, she's probably stressed out by realizing her parents are gone, and that she has been with two different strangers (Sharon's daughter for a few days, now me).
Thankfully, she finally seems to be eating a little bit today, possibly with the aid of the "rub-in-the-ear" appetite medicine, which is wacky to apply. And now that she's more back to normal, it is extremely pleasant to spend time with her, because she very much wants to sit near me on the couch or bed and hang together. So that's a positive thing, but lord, it has been such an ordeal to get there.
(Did I mention her parents are in Scotland? So five hours time difference, and figuring out how the fuck to make international calls when it's not on my phone plan have been part of the last few days).
*Moving along, rape-anniversary was last week and the trauma-gloom hit me real damn hard and I only just now feel like I'm coming out of it. This is always the pattern (probably reinforced by my brain knowing "this is always the pattern" but it felt pretty rough this year especially. Anyways, now I get a couple okay months WRT personal trauma, and then I Get Weird again for the anniversary of the day we got together.
*Implied above, work is blahhh. I think I've managed to go over a week without having any students added to my rosters (although I've had a couple students removed, including one I really liked and am super bummed about losing -he moved back to Brazil on zero warning) and the fact that I have to say that like it's A Special Event just makes me sad and angry and crazy about this school year all over again. But it's mid-quarter grades time, so I'm trying desperately to get all my grading done quickquick. I'm 2/5ths done, by class.
*I had a Therapy today, and kinda by accident while just thrashing about, wound up hitting an incredible sore spot and crying _a lot_. I don't normally cry during therapy --I'm big on crying in general, but can't talk very well while it's happening and that means I try to avoid it when talking would be the more useful thing to do. So now I have knowledge of this Really Frustrating Thing In My Life that is causing me superb amounts of pain, and I don't know how to deal with it.
(I...probably don't want to say more than that right now. I should do some non-published words on the topic at some point --more than just my quick little synopsis of "what did I therapize today" in the channel I specifically have for that in the secret personal discord.)
((On the plus side of the universe, having a secret personal discord to organize my brain continues to be really helpful and wonderful. I've got a channel for organizing holiday shopping! I've got a channel where as soon as I purchase something on the internet, I write it down, and then I can check it off when it's been delivered! I've got a dreamlog channel, where I try and update in the mornings with what I remember of dreams! The only thing I haven't quite worked out yet is "how to do to-do lists well" but I'm continuing to try things and thrash around it))
*And finally, there's been a lot of weird stress about sorting out this month and getting to see partners and things. There's still some badly unsorted pieces but those can wait until tomorrow night probably.
On the good side, after losing track of dreamwidth over Thanksgiving, I'm back to reading every day. Sorry if I missed important stuff from y'all --I realized that "worrying about reading backlog" was preventing me from "just read the current stuff" and have adjusted my internal expectations accordingly.
Also on the good side, I am very pleased and fascinated by this twitter thread about someone who bought an off-label DnD advent catalog that has been full of...all sorts of fascinating shit. From the replies of that one, I've found two other twitter threads of people doing Weird Off Label Advent Calendar Madness and I am living vicariously through these weird ass-threads.
And now there is a cat headbutting my arm, so I'ma follow her instructions and go to sleep. May your patience be longer than the daylight right now.
~Sor
MOOP!
(Couch-sleep is the thing where I am sitting on the couch doing something and then I wake up and realize I've been sleeping for...some chunk of time. A four hour chunk is pretty long. A chunk that starts _before_ 9pm is pretty rare.)
It's not really surprising that I've been burning out like this, unfortunately. It's been a _very_ hard week or so, and I've been runnning mostly on fumes. I am distressed that I didn't get any of the Very Very Necessary grading done though, because I am rapidly running out of time to do it in.
Anyways, here's some things going on:
*I am catsitting! This is for my friends Sharon and Leonard, who I adore, and who have not been home to their native Scotland in a few years (because pandemic) so I am pleased to help them have the opportunity. Except I forgot that part of what was great about housesitting for the previously was being able to live somewhere else for a chunk of time back when I had a less satisfying roommate situation. Now that I have a better roommate situ, I am missing Ezri and Rey (and also missing my <15 minute commute to work).
*Annnnnd the cat has been Not Eating. She's seventeen years old, and basically managed to go like three full days without consuming any food or drink, and was exhibiting "hide under the bed" and general lethargy behaviors and all of that was terrible. So we went to the vet yesterday, which was not my favourite adventure, Let Me Tell You. Turns out she's medically fine, just (in Sharon's words) a prima-donna.
More accurately, she's probably stressed out by realizing her parents are gone, and that she has been with two different strangers (Sharon's daughter for a few days, now me).
Thankfully, she finally seems to be eating a little bit today, possibly with the aid of the "rub-in-the-ear" appetite medicine, which is wacky to apply. And now that she's more back to normal, it is extremely pleasant to spend time with her, because she very much wants to sit near me on the couch or bed and hang together. So that's a positive thing, but lord, it has been such an ordeal to get there.
(Did I mention her parents are in Scotland? So five hours time difference, and figuring out how the fuck to make international calls when it's not on my phone plan have been part of the last few days).
*Moving along, rape-anniversary was last week and the trauma-gloom hit me real damn hard and I only just now feel like I'm coming out of it. This is always the pattern (probably reinforced by my brain knowing "this is always the pattern" but it felt pretty rough this year especially. Anyways, now I get a couple okay months WRT personal trauma, and then I Get Weird again for the anniversary of the day we got together.
*Implied above, work is blahhh. I think I've managed to go over a week without having any students added to my rosters (although I've had a couple students removed, including one I really liked and am super bummed about losing -he moved back to Brazil on zero warning) and the fact that I have to say that like it's A Special Event just makes me sad and angry and crazy about this school year all over again. But it's mid-quarter grades time, so I'm trying desperately to get all my grading done quickquick. I'm 2/5ths done, by class.
*I had a Therapy today, and kinda by accident while just thrashing about, wound up hitting an incredible sore spot and crying _a lot_. I don't normally cry during therapy --I'm big on crying in general, but can't talk very well while it's happening and that means I try to avoid it when talking would be the more useful thing to do. So now I have knowledge of this Really Frustrating Thing In My Life that is causing me superb amounts of pain, and I don't know how to deal with it.
(I...probably don't want to say more than that right now. I should do some non-published words on the topic at some point --more than just my quick little synopsis of "what did I therapize today" in the channel I specifically have for that in the secret personal discord.)
((On the plus side of the universe, having a secret personal discord to organize my brain continues to be really helpful and wonderful. I've got a channel for organizing holiday shopping! I've got a channel where as soon as I purchase something on the internet, I write it down, and then I can check it off when it's been delivered! I've got a dreamlog channel, where I try and update in the mornings with what I remember of dreams! The only thing I haven't quite worked out yet is "how to do to-do lists well" but I'm continuing to try things and thrash around it))
*And finally, there's been a lot of weird stress about sorting out this month and getting to see partners and things. There's still some badly unsorted pieces but those can wait until tomorrow night probably.
On the good side, after losing track of dreamwidth over Thanksgiving, I'm back to reading every day. Sorry if I missed important stuff from y'all --I realized that "worrying about reading backlog" was preventing me from "just read the current stuff" and have adjusted my internal expectations accordingly.
Also on the good side, I am very pleased and fascinated by this twitter thread about someone who bought an off-label DnD advent catalog that has been full of...all sorts of fascinating shit. From the replies of that one, I've found two other twitter threads of people doing Weird Off Label Advent Calendar Madness and I am living vicariously through these weird ass-threads.
And now there is a cat headbutting my arm, so I'ma follow her instructions and go to sleep. May your patience be longer than the daylight right now.
~Sor
MOOP!