Alcohol is not magic

[sorcyress]

Content warning: Alcohol

Just gave a piece of advice that I really like and I want to save, so I'll give it again here:

"Alcohol is not magic"

And what that means, is that if people have negative traits or say negative things to you when they are full of alcohol, it is not because the evil tipsy-juice attacked their tongue and turned them into an asshat. It's because they already carried latent asshat tendencies, and suddenly did not have enough impulse-control to keep them hidden from you anymore.

Trust their drunkness. The thought had to be somewhere in there for them to say it at all --it was not invented out of wholecloth by the alcohol.

***

Now, it is very worth noting that people tend to have a couple layers on their brains and thoughts. Sometimes, people have negative shit going on that they are aware about and are trying very hard to keep buried, or to manage, or to deal with. Everyone has some negative traits, it's up to you to find someone with negative traits you think will work well with your own.

So sometimes people will, honestly, say things that they deeply regret when they are drunk. They will have accidentally shared the no-good first layer surface thoughts, and not the 2-10 layers underneath of "why do I think the things I do". As a substitute teacher, I constantly have to force past my first thought of "you annoying little fucker" to "maybe you are having a hard day; change is hard; differing learning styles or abilities; how many adults actually respect you; homelife; etc etc etc"¹. I am familiar with the fact that we all have thoughts that are maybe not our best, and sometimes we say them anyways.

But there are ways to handle that, too, that are good signs that the person is normally conscientious. I keep myself from losing my temper and venting that first thought by pulling students aside, or out of the room, and talking one-on-one with them --nine times out of ten, they become completely manageable as soon as they realize that I'm gonna take them seriously as a person. In the case of drunken outbursts, look for actual remorse the next chunk of time, or reparations.

But seriously, right up there with "if someone tells you "I'm no good for you" believe them" in the realms of good advice is that thought above: alcohol is *not* magic. No matter how much you otherwise want to think it is.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: And if you are a teacher of any stripe who leaves it at the first thought, get the fuck out of my profession, you make me look bad. Kids are complicated and real. If you cannot have empathy for how _unbelievably fucking hard_ it is to be a child, you should not be working closely with them.

Comments

[harena]

Speaking as a parent of several "high maintenance" boys (all of whom have had varying degrees of difficulties in school), I just want to hugglebugglewuggle you for that footnote, Just Sayin'.

[sorcyress]

Like, I will freely admit that there are some children that are just ridiculously awful and difficult to deal with (especially as a substitute), but A) no one is forcing me at gunpoint to interact with them, I can find another subbing job if need be, and B) however hard it is for me, it's harder for them! Guaranteed!

Most teachers, I have no problems with, but every once in a while someone will say something that absolutely makes my skin crawl to hear. Ughhhh.

~Sor

[squirrelitude]

One of my housemates (I think?) said something interesting about filtering a while back, I believe in reference to slipping up with gendered pronouns. Something like: "You could judge someone by the mistakes they make, but it can be more meaningful to judge them by the mistakes they keep themselves from making most of the time."

(...although both are definitely things to pay attention to...)

[sorcyress]

Moniquill made a really excellent pie chart on the subject of fuck-ups. I try to keep this in mind --if I fuck up, realize, and apologize, it will be a lot better all around then if I fuck up and immediately cause a giant gross kerfuffle about doing so.

~Sor

how unbelievably fucking hard it is to be a child

[crystalpyramid]

Yes, this, totally. If you forget how hard it is to be a child, and you're teaching children every day, all you really have to do is pay attention, because it's right there.

[q10.livejournal.com]

Kids are complicated and real. If you cannot have empathy for how _unbelievably fucking hard_ it is to be a child, you should not be working closely with them.

got here form <lj user = "crystalpyramid>. just wanted to thank you for this line.

[liv]

Hello! I followed a link here from crystalpyramid, and I found this post extremely interesting and cogent. So then I read a few more of your posts and they are all really interesting, and I notice that in your bio you say you don't mind strangers reading about your life, so I would like to subscribe, if that's ok?

[sorcyress]

Completely fine!

I am glad to hear you liked this post. I felt good writing it.

~Sor