Hello 15!Sor

[sorcyress]

So, badmagic has posted a thing about advice you would give to your 15-year-old-self. This is especially interesting to me, as the difference between 15!me and 16!me is...vast, it seems. Not just the change from heartbreak and an interest in sex, but in terms of anger, of introspection, of impulsive actions, of not just being asexual but antisexual.

It's the difference between being a child and being an adult.

So I started to write advice to my 15!self. This is going by memory --I have the ability to cheat, because I have this livejournal to look at for most of that year, and the BtW file for the three month gap-- and I tried very hard to restrict it to advice that would actively be useful to 15!self --it's all well and good to tell her to meet Sparr earlier and see what happens¹, but not when the opportunity won't even arise for more than two years.

So. Here's what I would have to say if me from six years ago and me from now had a nice sit-down and a chat.

1) Don't worry about not being sexual, but do be gentle to those who are. You don't have to be sexual to be sex positive, and I really do think you'll feel better about things if you stop calling people you care about tramps. Let them enjoy their sins.

2) The relationship you just started will be convoluted and confusing. Do not put as much energy into it as you do. It feels like your heart is breaking, and it probably is, but I promise it gets better. You'll be friends for a while, GOOD friends, and that's important. Even after it disappears, it was important. And I promise, eventually he dumps her, and the words he say will be the sweetest revenge you can imagine.

3) Remember that guy you met at Origins last year? Heh. Everything you dreamed and more, if I didn't change the timestream too badly by telling you all of this. And if I did...pursue his friendship. Keep his friendship, and take care of him. He'll repay you in kind, and that'll be more important than sleeping with him. Sex, as you're well aware, is not everything.

4) You have ADHD. You also have a mild auditory learning disability. This isn't why you're bad at school --you're just an unmotivated dumbass like that-- but this _is_ why you have so much trouble in Ms. H's class. See if she can give you help or advice.

5) In eight or nine months, you're going to realize you're wired to love more than one person at once. It will change things so much to tell you this -dangerously much, in terms of setting you back from being an adult- but never let yourself be forced into monoamory. Ever. Ever. It will only make everyone involved miserable. You will be younger for the experience, but you also won't cry as much.

5a) You're genderqueer by the way. Start working out how to be a boy now.

5b) Figure out a safer way to not be younger for the experience.

6) You will always have Veronica. Always. Keep her as well as you possibly can. Same with Pauli. Give both of them the attention and time they deserve.

7) If you have to wait for a boy, he will eventually be worth it. Every one of them. Even and especially the one who knows there are sparks, and makes you wait, for two and a half agonizing years. Even the one you've been waiting for ever since you made a terrible decision two years from now.

8) Go ahead and fail that class. It hurts, but it means you will get the teacher who changes your life. Let him. Tell him so. And try not to be quite so obvious when you flirt, it's just embarrassing all around.

8a) But seriously, stop being awful at school.

And as that last one doubles as advice to 21!Sor...yeah. We'll leave it at that. In all honesty...I liked myself at 15. I was young, but I've always been too clever by at least five eighths.

What would you tell your 15!self?

~Sor
MOOP!

1: *reads nametag* "Oh! Oh, you're the one my future self told me I should meet! Hello! I'm underage, would you like to be friends? I hear you'll introduce me to interesting things..."

Comments

[harena.livejournal.com]

The Number One thing i'd tell 15!Me is DON'T GO OUT ON THAT DOUBLE DATE!! DON'T DON'T DON'T wheedle your way into that! And don't fall for the lines from that boy. Just DON'T. Trust me, he doesn't love you, he will HURT YOU physically and emotionally and mentally. Follow your true instincts with the guy across the street instead. (Don't you just love a good cliche? :D)

Number Two thing i'd tell 15!Me is Even though your mother has no clue how to nuture, there's this younger person who is the "son" of a very good friend of your mom's who lives 2 streets away from you who does. Go make friends with "him". You are Destined For Each Other.

There are more, but those are the main two right there that i would like to think would totally change my timestream to a far happier branch that i am on now. (and if you'd like to hear more from me on it, let me know, i'm just dashing this off quicklike before bolting for bed; Big Day Tomorrow :D)

[mekthehatter.livejournal.com]

Something similar to this went around on twitter a while back, and I wanted to participate but couldn't manage to fit what I wanted to say into 140 characters.

Most importantly, I'd tell myself that there's a reason that I was unhappy and angry at everything and so full of hate, and try to encourage myself to look into it and find solutions instead of just burying everything and looking for methods of escape.

[merseine0613.livejournal.com]

Man are you old! You just said that you are 21! and that your 21! year old self is talking to your 15! and 16! year old self(s). That's like 5.1x10^19 year old person talking to a 1.3x10^12 year old person, right?

[hermitgeecko.livejournal.com]

The most important part:

"It's okay. Someday, you'll be happier than you ever conceived you could be. For now, you need to be patient, but I promise it will all work out."

(I was in a very dark place when I was 15.)

[jugglergeek.livejournal.com]

For me, the two most important things go together:

"Trust your instincts."

and

"You don't NEED to be in a relationship to be happy. You may be better off single. Especially if that's the alternative."

Sadly, it took until I was about 21 to figure the latter out, and I'm still working on convincing myself of the former.

[jere7my.livejournal.com]

"Grow a beard. As soon as you can. No, seriously. Beard."

What I'd say...

[blaisepascal]

1) If you follow the advice I give you, you'll change the future, and I won't be back to give you the advice. So to avoid paradox, just forget I'm going to say anything.

2) You may be as smart as you think you are, but if you skimp out on schoolwork because it's stupid, no one else will know. Your schoolwork is stupid, but do it anyway. You can get A's if you apply yourself just a little more.

3) Get better clothes. Take care of them and wear them well. Bathing more wouldn't be a bad idea either. First impressions are important, and few will get a favorable impression the way you comport yourself now. Break those habits before they hurt you more.

4) Forget about going to a top-notch school, at least for now. You may be smart enough, and may be able to demonstrate it by applying yourself (see 2) and may pass the interview stages (see 3), but your family finances are so borked you won't be able to get financial aid. Look for a school that's affordable, and talk to the financial aid people about making a transfer work.

5) Oh yeah... your family finances are borked because our father can't meet deadlines properly. This is a trait you have inherited. Fight against it. 2 above is a result of this. Life will be much better if the paperwork is in on time.

6) Depression and social anxiety are painful, life-limiting things. Don't be afraid to seek help early. You may be able to pass all your classes after spending 2 weeks not leaving your dorm room except for food and gaming, but that doesn't mean it's a good thing (and there's a difference between getting C's and A's, especially if you plan on transferring to a top-tier school).

7) Looking back at pictures of myself at your age, I can see that weight is already a problem. Your health will be better if you control your weight better. A tip: flavored seltzer and unsweetened iced tea are much better for you than Coca Cola. Remember, your mother's father and your father's brother both have diabetes, so you have it from both sides. Watch your weight and diet. This ties in with 3 above as well.

[tirerim.livejournal.com]

It really is true: the memory is the first thing to go (if it was ever there in the first place). Which is to say, at 29, 15 is almost half a lifetime ago, and I honestly don't remember enough about it to say anything useful. I can recall a couple of events from that year, but nothing really important, no major decisions of any kind. I could come up with advice for 19-year-old me, most years since then, maybe even 18-year-old me. But 15-year-old me isn't even important anymore.

[herbertinc.livejournal.com]

Things I'd tell 15!Samantha:

(1) When you have that sleepover with Jessie next year, insist that it's an all-girls event. In fact, just avoid her boyfriend at all costs. Trust me.

(2) Apply to Swarthmore early decision. (Which is a conclusion that (1) might prevent you from arriving at on your own.

[myarbor.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you're good at walking a mile in others' shoes. So what? Give your own shoes a workout, on a regular basis.

[mogwit.livejournal.com]

1. You cannot cure Paul's depression.
2. It's okay to like girls. Yes, even that one.
3. There's music besides classical that's any good.
4. Labels are a lot less important than you think.

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

I've been dithering around the meme for a while, ever since a friend of mine posted her photo-class video to FB (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yxanknh7Udg) (It's really lovely photography, though the messages to the past are far shorter).

Thing is, whenever I try to put something together it's all full of regrets and bitterness, so I see little point.

[jazzfish]

whenever I try to put something together it's all full of regrets and bitterness, so I see little point

I hear that. It's taken me several hours, off and on, to boil off the worst of the bitterness. And most of it is either banalities ("don't take X class, take Y instead") or things there's no way in hell I'd be prepared to do ("trust your friends, they really /are/ your friends"). Meh.

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

Hm.
Don't let $soandso convince you to do X.
Push harder for Y.

I mean how is it any different from living in the past ?

I suppose there's "the reason you keep ending up putting bases together on Set Crew is that you keep wearing short skirts and although you don't realize it you have good legs"

or "just because it's expected doesn't mean you have to keep staying in choir when you hate it"

except there were fun times, too, in choir. And good friends, thuogh I've pretty much lost track of them all.

[l33tminion]

Here's what I'd say, while trying not to get too mired in regret:

1. You have some control over how other people perceive you. And their perception of you now is largely accurate. Don't get too depressed about that, though.

2. On a related note, things you should do earlier than I did: Start working out (keep going, it will work), dress better, walk further or take the bus places (yes I know it's more inconvenient for you but do it anyways), go on dates.

3. Stop caring about your grades. Just stop it. You're using academics to ignore your other problems. Not even colleges care about grades as much as you think they do. You shouldn't count on the sort of luck I've actually ended up having (even if that's the sort of luck you'll actually have).

4. You should at least hear the word "unschooling" before college. On a more general note, maybe staying in public school is your best option, but you should give your options more serious consideration.

5. You think of yourself as a "perfectionist", but when that's true, it's a problem. Worse, most of the time your brand of perfectionism is just a mask for taking the path of least resistance. Seriously, snap out of it.

you have questions -- we have questions to answer your question

[woozle.livejournal.com]

I was going to answer this meme here, but it metastasticizatificated into a journal entry (http://woozle.livejournal.com/20471.html).

[sparr0.livejournal.com]

Play more Everquest. Retire at 16.

[miriampenguin.livejournal.com]

In general, I wouldn't want this timeline altered. I'm pretty darn happy where I am now. That said...

1. Those people you hang out with that make fun of you? They may be friends-of-friends, but they're not your friends. Really. Also, they're giant flaming hypocrites. Go to the Drama room instead.

2. Other than that? Keep doing what you're doing.