MOOP!

So, as a counter to my mopey "wah, misogyny!" post from yesterday, here are two things that are not sexist and making me happy right now.

First off was Squares on Tuesday. Tech Squares does very difficult variations on the mainstream/plus level of square dancing, and so if you are not quick-witted and quick on your feet, it's easy to get very overwhelmed and lost if you learned to dance with a different club. This week, we had multiple visitors in town.

I wound up in a square with two pairs of out of towners, and three other tech squares members. Our caller was showing off everything he's got (apparently at other clubs, the caller is not the enemy? Who knew.) and our square was, um, flailing. To put it mildly.

I don't have the intrinsic brain for squares like many dancers I know do, I can't hear a call and know where everyone is supposed to be at the end of it. But I am one sweet hell of a dancer, and as bossy as any oldest child ought to be. I was not going to put up with my square falling to pieces all over the floor.

And so I did my level best to keep us moving and everyone approximately where they were supposed to be. And after the dancing was all done, majordomo comes up to me and grabs me by the shoulders.

"I love your brain!" he says, and hugs me, and I damn near break with glee 'cause that's all I ever want to hear from folk and I don't get it near often as I'd like.

***

So, I had to go off to a warehouse today, and while we're there, I get to see an *amazing* forklift in action. We're talking a "lift 8' x 8' x 8' crates 10' off the ground and drive around like that" amazing. I haven't wanted a piece of construction equipment so bad since I got to drive a backhoe.

(As a complete aside, y'all do know I once got to drive a backhoe around, right? BEST EXPERIENCE OF FOREVER YEP)

And the guy driving it around gets out, and notices me eyeballing it something fierce, and no thought or pause launches into an explanation of how rad it is, using technical terms and showing me all the bits. He didn't let me drive it (but then again, liability), but he in no way dumbed himself down for the silly girl(apparent).

(nor, when I was helping move boxes later, did anyone give me a "here sweetie, let me help you with that." This sounds so insignificant and common fucking decency, but I wouldn't have to be astonished by it if the opposite didn't happen so damn often.)

So yeah. Plus one for TOTALLY EXCELLENT warehouse guys. Also for amazing forklifts.

And that's all she wrote.

~Sor
MOOP!

Disclaimer: This is an angry Sor post. I have specifically not called out the person who made me angry, because maybe he's still a friend. But holy shit, can I not deal with him in any way less passive aggressive than posting in here right now.

I did not do the intelligent thing and sit for a few days, or get someone to read this over. Because sometimes the fastest way to let someone know how much they hurt you is to get very very angry at them.

Some days, it really fucking sucks to be a girl¹.

Because OH-EMM-GEE! You like, get your period, and it like totally ruins the super-cool white pants you bought on sale last week at Macy's, and your boyfriend was all like makin' out with Cyndie, and ew, she is like such a tramp and so you're so done with that asshole, god, he never called anyways.

Yeah. Right.

Or maybe it's because the world is insidious and subtle, and you've been raised in it, and even though you're trying so damn hard to get a handle on all the internalized misogyny you've been carting around for the last twenty years, there's always more.

And so when you get into an argument about sexism, you have to have it patiently explained to you that maybe the right solution to this problem is to get some nice men involved, to solve it all. And no, there are no women who could possibly fix it instead. Men only.

And it's being told you're having an emotional response, and silly little thing, the emotional response isn't what we're looking at here, we're looking at the practical solution. And it's remembering every insidious thing anyone has ever implied about how females are so terribly emotional, and it's such a bad thing.

(And it's crying for ten minutes after everything is done with, with pure unadulterated rage, and part of the rage is sheer hatred for yourself for being so utterly unreasonable as to have an emotional response to someone hurting you. Because society says that that is the so utterly typical female reaction, and that such a reaction is wrong)

And it's starting out the conversation by asking if this is going to make the angry feminist more angry, and having the answer be "no". Because of course, what is there to make a girl mad about, in suggesting a male based solution to a problem primarily concerning females? And it's being mad just right there, because if we're talking about a situation where young girls are having a problem young boys don't, it is almost certainly going to make the angry feminist more angry.

And it's being told that it's okay, the person who suggested this male solution in the first place is a feminist. And she doesn't really seem okay with the solution either, but again, it's the practical solution. And the practical solution is always the right solution, always²! And it's being told that, because she's a feminist, it's absolutely okay, and there is nothing wrong or sexist about this situation.

And it's asking for the conversation to be over, because you're not sure which of the two participants is more likely to be the recipient of physical harm, him or yourself. Because you can't deal with this. Because he's not listening, and you can't put into words all the rage and insecurity and self-loathing that's come from the last two decades from having a vagina and that he and his penis have never had to deal with.

And it's having him continue to argue after that point³. To continue the discussion after you asked in no uncertain terms to end it. Because you're not the important one here. Your request doesn't actually matter in the slightest. Because he still has things to say.

And it's knowing that he's right. You're not the important one here. Your voice doesn't actually matter in the slightest. The men still have things to say.

~Sor
MOOP!

1: It really fucking sucks to be part of any minority group. I'm not trying to devalue anyone else's experience here, I'm just bitching about what's directly affecting me at the moment.

2: Before you argue this point, consider: It is more practical to off people than to pay them social security. Killing them costs less money, and they no longer take up space. Practical solutions and correct solutions do not always go hand in hand.

3: Can I go from angry to fucking furious here? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! If someone is talking to you, and they ask to please end the conversation, DO NOT KEEP ON FUCKING ARGUING. Say "Okay, but I'd like to talk about this at a later time" if you have to, and change the goddamn subject. Anything else just says to me that you don't actually respect me enough to listen when I say 'stop'. And I have _big_ fucking problems with people who don't listen when someone says 'stop'.