(no subject)
Feb. 6th, 2014 07:46 pmI've made a couple posts recently about having shatter-level breakdowns. ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
luckylefty asked in a comment what he should do should he encounter one of these. I wrote a 2100+ word comment, and then decided this would probably both not fit in LJs comment limit, and should really just be a post.
Have some ( User Manual )
So yeah.
My user manual is remarkably mutable, this version is based on data collected from 1989-2013, and may not work farther out from that time range.
As always, it is self-aware to write a user manual, but arrogant to expect anyone to read it. More so with this than with other things I write, I will not assume anyone to have seen/read this post until and unless they comment (here, IM, email, offline, wevs) that they have done so.
Also, I apologize that a lot of this information is really useless unless you happen to be in physical proximity to me while this is going on. I scamper when I have negative emotions of most levels, so that people don't have to deal with me. Lots of this does translate to someone in a different location (I have had people online tell me to go eat before) communicating by phone or IM, but they still have to realize I need it.
I wonder if I couldn't come up with a secret passphrase that I could post here or on Twitter or something, that means "I can't reach out and don't want to waste anyone's time, if you truly don't mind and aren't busy, please IM or call me for a talkdown".
I'm thinking something like "the dark toast rides at midnight" or "three fish crumble and the toast has buttered jam" or perhaps "I can't reach out and don't want to waste anyone's time, if you truly don't mind and aren't busy, please IM or call me for a talkdown."6
~Sor
MOOP!
1: To expand on this, sometimes I do go into that kind of nonreactive panic when someone touches me initially, and after they pull away I will immediately lean up against them again. If that happens, it means I short-circuited or was startled and I would actually like whatever physical comfort is being offered. People pulling away a second time, or being all hurt and confused at me, make me add body issues and touch neuroses to whatever I was currently freaking out about, and it sucks. You can talk to me about your being hurt when I'm not the most presently damaged person in the room.
2: How old were you when you learned that good girls aren't here?3
3: It feels wrong, so wrong that the first public link to this is buried in here, a brief aside, a flip explanation of what I mean when I say "good girl", in that particular pained tongue. This essay deserves response in kind, and I just can't, I daren't profane it by saying something incomplete.
It is a thing I will whisper quietly as means of explanation. How old were you when you learned that good girls aren't here? 24, and 18, and younger still. The tab with the essay has not closed since Racheline posted it, when I got my new computer, I reopened it in here, so that I may have it, and let it read like armor across my darkened mind.
4: Despite that my name is derived from a sorceress, my magic is priestly. Ritual and religion are entirely entangled, and I'm not sure I have an actual distinction between praying and casting. And music is religious as fuck.
5: The worst thing that possibly happens here is that Alis, a being who lives within the confines of my mind, takes over my body for a short time. This is not actually all that bad as it lets Kat off the hook for being a Real Adult or being in control or responsible or _anything_, and Alis is not strong enough to keep it up perpetually (so no risk of Kat being subsumed). Gabriel would also love to front, but he is not a Guardian Bitch, and so doesn't have a chance of actually being serious enough to wrest control away from me.
6: The toast themology is the fault of my friend Master SoNSo.
luckylefty asked in a comment what he should do should he encounter one of these. I wrote a 2100+ word comment, and then decided this would probably both not fit in LJs comment limit, and should really just be a post. Have some ( User Manual )
So yeah.
My user manual is remarkably mutable, this version is based on data collected from 1989-2013, and may not work farther out from that time range.
As always, it is self-aware to write a user manual, but arrogant to expect anyone to read it. More so with this than with other things I write, I will not assume anyone to have seen/read this post until and unless they comment (here, IM, email, offline, wevs) that they have done so.
Also, I apologize that a lot of this information is really useless unless you happen to be in physical proximity to me while this is going on. I scamper when I have negative emotions of most levels, so that people don't have to deal with me. Lots of this does translate to someone in a different location (I have had people online tell me to go eat before) communicating by phone or IM, but they still have to realize I need it.
I wonder if I couldn't come up with a secret passphrase that I could post here or on Twitter or something, that means "I can't reach out and don't want to waste anyone's time, if you truly don't mind and aren't busy, please IM or call me for a talkdown".
I'm thinking something like "the dark toast rides at midnight" or "three fish crumble and the toast has buttered jam" or perhaps "I can't reach out and don't want to waste anyone's time, if you truly don't mind and aren't busy, please IM or call me for a talkdown."6
~Sor
MOOP!
1: To expand on this, sometimes I do go into that kind of nonreactive panic when someone touches me initially, and after they pull away I will immediately lean up against them again. If that happens, it means I short-circuited or was startled and I would actually like whatever physical comfort is being offered. People pulling away a second time, or being all hurt and confused at me, make me add body issues and touch neuroses to whatever I was currently freaking out about, and it sucks. You can talk to me about your being hurt when I'm not the most presently damaged person in the room.
2: How old were you when you learned that good girls aren't here?3
3: It feels wrong, so wrong that the first public link to this is buried in here, a brief aside, a flip explanation of what I mean when I say "good girl", in that particular pained tongue. This essay deserves response in kind, and I just can't, I daren't profane it by saying something incomplete.
It is a thing I will whisper quietly as means of explanation. How old were you when you learned that good girls aren't here? 24, and 18, and younger still. The tab with the essay has not closed since Racheline posted it, when I got my new computer, I reopened it in here, so that I may have it, and let it read like armor across my darkened mind.
4: Despite that my name is derived from a sorceress, my magic is priestly. Ritual and religion are entirely entangled, and I'm not sure I have an actual distinction between praying and casting. And music is religious as fuck.
5: The worst thing that possibly happens here is that Alis, a being who lives within the confines of my mind, takes over my body for a short time. This is not actually all that bad as it lets Kat off the hook for being a Real Adult or being in control or responsible or _anything_, and Alis is not strong enough to keep it up perpetually (so no risk of Kat being subsumed). Gabriel would also love to front, but he is not a Guardian Bitch, and so doesn't have a chance of actually being serious enough to wrest control away from me.
6: The toast themology is the fault of my friend Master SoNSo.
