(no subject)
Oct. 11th, 2021 10:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressIt's National Coming Out Day! Here's the usual!
*I'm genderneutral, or agender, or nonbinary, or genderqueer. I specifically fly the genderqueer flag because that purple and green is choice colouring, but I'm pretty happy with most words that make it clear that I ain't cis and I ain't trans. I use the pronoun set "they/them/theirs" (and the title Mx), in all realms of my life. Please correct people you hear using the wrong pronoun for me, with the exception of students for whom it Gets Complicated and for whom I can handle things myself.
*I present masculine-leaning at work (my professional drag has shifted to trousers, waistcoats, and ties) and frequently femme in personal life. It's none of your business whether I have chosen (or will choose) to engage in any hormonal or surgical or otherwise physical interventions, and my presentation does not affect what pronouns or name you should use for me. (If you've known me long enough to know that sometimes I go by Erik, you can take this as an official retirement of that name.)
*I'm bisexual. I'm too old and too fascinated by queer history to accept any view of bisexuality that thinks it has anything to do with binary gender, get off my damn lawn and stop letting TERFs lie to you about queer history, the bisexual manifesto was published thirty-one years ago. I am open to being physically, emotionally, sexually, romantically, platonically, and in all other ways attracted to people of any gender identity or arrangement.
*I am polyamorous, in a mostly non-hierarchical relationship anarchist sort of way, but also in a "work and-or Scottish Country Dance is my primary and being 'always the secondary never the bride' actually really works with the life I've built anyways" sort of way. I currently have four serious partners (mek, sir/Terrapin, Austin, Tuesday) and a small handful of comets/occasionals.
*I am allosexual (which means I experience sexual attraction), damn slutty, and Quite Kinky tm. I also don't tend to receive penetrative sex and am intermittently Stone-ace. I welcome questions about All This, but might not answer them in the comments of this post, both because ADHD and because that might be a little _too_ public.
Those last two bullet points Look Different in the Facebook version of this post, because I've gone into the closet re:polyam at work. I just straight up don't talk about my current relationship structures because no one at work should need to know anyways, I'm certainly not dating any of them. I'll drop the FB version into a footnote1 if you wanna know how blatantly I said "I'm a polyam kinky slut" without actually saying it.
Also, it's not germane to the rest of the post but I'ma go ahead and combine them anyways. So!
I grew up on land belonging to the Piscataway and Susquehannock nations. I currently live on land belonging to the Pokanoket, Wampanoag, and Massachusett nations. I find it interesting that my computers spellcheck flagged all five of those, but has nothing to say about Worcester, Lichtenstein, America, or Helsinki. It is Indigenous People's day and the least us Settlers can do is acknowledge that the land we currently live on is stolen. (I do seriously mean the least. Give money and educate yourself as well.)
~Sor
MOOP!
1: *I currently do not talk about my non-platonic relationships (or lack thereof) on public facing internets (which means anywhere that uses my wallet name, such as Facebook) and you should ideally follow suit. I may or may not be asexual or allosexual, aromantic, demisexual or demiromantic, polyamorous, monogamous, or a straight up relationship anarchist. I know people from each of those categories, and find that unless I am attempting to have a non-platonic relationship with a person, it matters not at all how they have relationships with others.
*Similarly, I do not currently talk about the ways in which I do or don't have sex on public facing internets. It is possible I have lots of sex! It is possible I have no sex! It is possible the sex I may or may not have does not look like the sex you may or may not have! If you're not someone I am going to have sex with, it really doesn't matter if or how I have sex with other people! If you are someone I'd like to have sex with and who also would like to have sex with me, we can discuss what that might look like in a different channel!
Out of some closets, into some others, because it turns out "coming out" is not one momentous event and then you're finished (if it were, I would've been finished in 2004 when I came out as bisexual _to my own mother_ in a livejournal post, true story). The real lesson is, of course, to keep fighting assumptions, and making closets irrelevant because allocishetnormativity is no longer considered the Normal Default with anything else having to be flagged and specified. People do this shit differently from each other, that's pretty cool.
*I'm genderneutral, or agender, or nonbinary, or genderqueer. I specifically fly the genderqueer flag because that purple and green is choice colouring, but I'm pretty happy with most words that make it clear that I ain't cis and I ain't trans. I use the pronoun set "they/them/theirs" (and the title Mx), in all realms of my life. Please correct people you hear using the wrong pronoun for me, with the exception of students for whom it Gets Complicated and for whom I can handle things myself.
*I present masculine-leaning at work (my professional drag has shifted to trousers, waistcoats, and ties) and frequently femme in personal life. It's none of your business whether I have chosen (or will choose) to engage in any hormonal or surgical or otherwise physical interventions, and my presentation does not affect what pronouns or name you should use for me. (If you've known me long enough to know that sometimes I go by Erik, you can take this as an official retirement of that name.)
*I'm bisexual. I'm too old and too fascinated by queer history to accept any view of bisexuality that thinks it has anything to do with binary gender, get off my damn lawn and stop letting TERFs lie to you about queer history, the bisexual manifesto was published thirty-one years ago. I am open to being physically, emotionally, sexually, romantically, platonically, and in all other ways attracted to people of any gender identity or arrangement.
*I am polyamorous, in a mostly non-hierarchical relationship anarchist sort of way, but also in a "work and-or Scottish Country Dance is my primary and being 'always the secondary never the bride' actually really works with the life I've built anyways" sort of way. I currently have four serious partners (mek, sir/Terrapin, Austin, Tuesday) and a small handful of comets/occasionals.
*I am allosexual (which means I experience sexual attraction), damn slutty, and Quite Kinky tm. I also don't tend to receive penetrative sex and am intermittently Stone-ace. I welcome questions about All This, but might not answer them in the comments of this post, both because ADHD and because that might be a little _too_ public.
Those last two bullet points Look Different in the Facebook version of this post, because I've gone into the closet re:polyam at work. I just straight up don't talk about my current relationship structures because no one at work should need to know anyways, I'm certainly not dating any of them. I'll drop the FB version into a footnote1 if you wanna know how blatantly I said "I'm a polyam kinky slut" without actually saying it.
Also, it's not germane to the rest of the post but I'ma go ahead and combine them anyways. So!
I grew up on land belonging to the Piscataway and Susquehannock nations. I currently live on land belonging to the Pokanoket, Wampanoag, and Massachusett nations. I find it interesting that my computers spellcheck flagged all five of those, but has nothing to say about Worcester, Lichtenstein, America, or Helsinki. It is Indigenous People's day and the least us Settlers can do is acknowledge that the land we currently live on is stolen. (I do seriously mean the least. Give money and educate yourself as well.)
~Sor
MOOP!
1: *I currently do not talk about my non-platonic relationships (or lack thereof) on public facing internets (which means anywhere that uses my wallet name, such as Facebook) and you should ideally follow suit. I may or may not be asexual or allosexual, aromantic, demisexual or demiromantic, polyamorous, monogamous, or a straight up relationship anarchist. I know people from each of those categories, and find that unless I am attempting to have a non-platonic relationship with a person, it matters not at all how they have relationships with others.
*Similarly, I do not currently talk about the ways in which I do or don't have sex on public facing internets. It is possible I have lots of sex! It is possible I have no sex! It is possible the sex I may or may not have does not look like the sex you may or may not have! If you're not someone I am going to have sex with, it really doesn't matter if or how I have sex with other people! If you are someone I'd like to have sex with and who also would like to have sex with me, we can discuss what that might look like in a different channel!
Out of some closets, into some others, because it turns out "coming out" is not one momentous event and then you're finished (if it were, I would've been finished in 2004 when I came out as bisexual _to my own mother_ in a livejournal post, true story). The real lesson is, of course, to keep fighting assumptions, and making closets irrelevant because allocishetnormativity is no longer considered the Normal Default with anything else having to be flagged and specified. People do this shit differently from each other, that's pretty cool.
no subject
on 2021-10-14 01:47 am (UTC)Also this: "it turns out "coming out" is not one momentous event and then you're finished". Something I wish more people (including myself) understood before starting to come out, though it seems we all eventually do notice.