(no subject)

[sorcyress]

From my last entry, Anne's first question:

1. Do you ever get tired of be so uniquely you? I mean I get tired of not conforming as much as the cheerleaders, etc., but do you?

My response:

1) Hmmm...I think I have to answer this one in a LJ entry, since I think it'll be a mite too long to answer here.

So, here goes...

I do go out of my way to be someone different from all the normal teenage girls and whatnot. I won't deny this. I don't try so much to be unique as I try very hard to be ME. I try to be someone I'd be friends with, and most of the time I like myself.

But...Yes. Yes I do sometimes get a little tierd of being so me. I love the odd stares I get in the hallways in school and whatnot-not always from strangers-but sometimes I wish their eyes just slid right past me like anyone else. Sometimes I wish that I could just throw on a lower cut shirt and a short skirt and look sexy for a day, but I won't let myself. Sexy is not a word for me, and I won't let it become one.

I try to be different, but like all others, I feel best when I'm somewhere where I, if not fit in, belong. Wyo is a real example of this, the whole concept of a secluded camp in Maine with woods to explore and a lake and trees just appeals to me. But I don't fit in there, I'm not the little squeely *oo look, itsa boy!* type person, and it seems so many others are. I'm glad I don't fit in, since that isn't "me" but I do wish I had the ability to feel more at home there. Three people (four?) have managed to actually mark me from there, Natasha, who's very quiet and an artist and anime fan, Mell who likes HomeStarRunner and Kenya (Kenya lion DOES make happy!), and Ellie who's a dramatic and just generally fun. (And Taya, who is just too wonderfulo to be described in words. Meh. *sad*) Those four, and a few others are the only people who I'd go back for, but it's just not enough. I don't fit in well enough there, and, although I like being different, sometimes I need to have someone other then just myself for company.

I do keep myself company very well. I can curl up into myself and remove myself from the world, and I'll be fine. But theres always this element that I NEED other people, I can provide my own fantasy, but it will eventually break under the sustained pressure of never having the imperfect actualities of real people. However, I almost never find myself NOT fitting in around my friends, ocassionally, Veronica and KT will get into boys or something, and I'll be more alone, but...I survive. Thats the way of things for me.

I dunno. This all doesn't really make sense. I guess what I'm trying to get across is the fact that, I love being *me*, and I only rarely don't want to be. See, when I'm around people I love I can be myself, and they accept me for it, meaning I don't have any reason not to want to be myself.

Woo. That was long and probably pointless. Whatever.

~Sorceress

MOOP!

Comments

[ms-hecubus.livejournal.com]

Actually, that wasn't pointless at all. This post really illustrates something I was trying to explain a while ago.

One of the teenagers at work was asking me what I was like as a teenager and I told him. He was surprised because I didn't look like I would have been into the things I was. I asked why and he pointed out another server who he thought looked the part. I told him that Adam had just turned 21 and it's more important when you're young to have your outer self reflect your inner self. For me, getting comfortable in my own skin meant that I expelled less effort trying to be me. I just was me and it showed to those who got to know me.

Although sometimes it is fun to be weird in public and stand out once in a while. :D

[artemisfowl2nd.livejournal.com]

Which is why I'm going to wear a fursuit on the last day of school.

[ms-hecubus.livejournal.com]

Excellent!

[drama-angel3189.livejournal.com]

That was not pointless.

~V~

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

I know. But it was a bit muddled.

~Sor