BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD
Mar. 19th, 2021 12:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressContent Warning: This is a lot of words about blood donation, in which I at no point mention the specific mechanism by which you donate, but if that sort of thing hits you _really_ hard you might wish to skip
I gave blood today! That was my major adventure of the day, biking all the way to MGH (It would've been an exceptionally pleasant ride, minus the last quarter mile, except for the rain) and giving blood and biking back. I have now given blood successfully 57 days apart which is _fucking fantastic_ for me and I'm very pleased about it.
Why is giving blood so good for me? I'm not sure, but I realized today that my internal narrative said something along the lines of "yeah, we're proud of ourselves1" which, uh...I am not typically Allowed to casually exhibit pride. I'm sure as fuck not allowed to formally exhibit pride. It's extremely fascinating that I am vain as shit and very occasionally arrogant, but pride in my accomplishments exists in a similar realm to being thanked2, in that please nope.
So the fact that I can be proud of giving blood --and this doesn't seem to be a trap, there's nothing in my brain making that pride into a sin like it does with everything else-- is...fascinating and worth investigating further. And, critically, it means that this vague idea that popped into my head in January of "I should just decide to give blood as often as they'll let me" is a very very good one and one that should be cultivated and fed.
Maybe the trap is the fear that I'm """virtue signaling""" or somehow setting myself up as better than people who don't give blood? That's a weak argument though and we all know it, born of creativity not reality3. I don't think poorly of people who don't give (there are so many reasons one can't or won't or shouldn't) and I don't think I'm better that I do, just that we all give to the world in our own ways and this is a service I am capable of providing...
...annnnnd there's the thing I suppose. Giving blood is a service. It's actually one of the purest forms of service I can provide anonymously. I am literally giving someone _my blood_ something that is ordinarily required for my survival, and I am doing it not because I think they're a really cool person and I'd do ~anything~ for them, but like...
...like, a hateful racist bigot could get my blood. A shithead white supremacist anti-masker rapist murderer could get my blood. How am I okay with giving up my blood and never knowing where it will go or who it will be given to? And I think the answer for that has to come from a fundamental belief in the ultimate goodness of humanity overall, and more importantly, the fact that I try really hard to like people and give them the benefit of the doubt (when that benefit doesn't involve them being a toxic and awful fuckwit, looking at you twitter dot hell).
Or even if I don't believe in the fundamental good of humanity, I think it's reasonable to say that I believe in the fundamental good -or at least fundamental self-sacrifice- of myself. I give blood -and don't know where it ends up- because it is the right thing for me to do.
The crew at Callahan's give blood4. Furiosa survives because Max gives her blood. If and when Valdemar develops transfusion technology, every Herald in the realm will be there every eight weeks and probably their Companions right along with them. Giving blood is a Good And Right Act. It is pure service, in doing something selflessly for someone else and it is pure service in that there just isn't much of a question as to whether it's the ethical choice.
(Besides, the person receiving my blood could be a former student, a future superstar, a loud-mouthed protester fighting for the common good.)
And fascinatingly, it's all about that service -literally giving up _the magic red juice that keeps my meat mecha operating- while at the same time being a situation that involves incredible amounts of being pampered and cared for. Do you want one nurse to adjust your chair while another brings you a juicebox and a third finds a cool towel for your fevered brow? Just mention casually in the middle of donation that you're feeling faint, and bam!
Do you want to be told "take as many as you want" when standing in front of a table with snacks and have them actually mean it? I ate peanut butter crackers and fig newtons and a rice krispie treat and TWO cans of apple juice and it was fantastic! No guilt whatsoever because again, for the like...$3.50 wholesale cost of these snacks I traded my literal lifeblood.
Giving blood is _so fun_ and I really enjoy the entire experience (once they say "yes you can donate", the occasions when I haven't made it through the pre-screen have all been _devastating_). It's absolutely my drug of choice --if I'm gonna make my brain be altered, this is a _delightful_ way to do it!
Also, there's something to be said for wanting to achieve an act that requires self-care in order to accomplish. I can't half-ass this one. If I haven't been sleeping enough, eating enough, drinking enough water, taking my vitamins (nom nom iron), I will just not be allowed to donate. And I know how that wrecks me, everyone's always very polite about it but it hurts like the worst of failures. So...I slept eight hours last night, I ate two meals and a snack, I drank my water, I had my vitamin. Moving forward, I try to keep my body moving a reasonable amount, keep my pulse reasonable, etc. I only get the reward (of losing blood??? but I mean it when I say it's one of my favourite feelings) if I do the work, so there we go.
Anyways, I'm due again on May 13th, but may twitch the date a bit in order to give blood with someone else (who apparently went in yesterday, meaning our cycles are basically synced5) and I'm just...already looking forward to it, yanno?
~Sor
MOOP!
PostScript: I had very little to say the first time I gave blood (in my defense, it was right in the middle of The Ketchup Revolution, which was...yep.) but I do have this piece of art from probably the second or third time I gave blood.
I hadn't introspected it nearly as much when I was first starting this, but I've enjoyed giving blood basically since I was 16. I'm a little frustrated that it took me a decade and a half to actually try and get serious about the "yes, every eight weeks" thing, but better late than never, yanno?
1: Look, there are reasons beyond gender I feel so comfortable using "they" as a personal pronoun, and one of the major ones is that though I don't consider myself Plural/Multiple, I've always felt like my brain is most recognizable in the collective.
2: I don't have the brain to poke at this one right now, but yeah, please nope on thanking me for things.
3: I don't have an anxiety disorder because I am creative enough that if I did, I would spend literally all my time forever dwelling on all the Bad Shit and I just don't have time for that. (This is not actually how the causation runs).
4: I mean, they definitely give it to the resident vampire, but I wanna say there was an implication that at least some of them donate regularly just in general. Maybe there's a throwaway line that the Doc encourages it?
5: Oh man, I leave the _exceptional_ menstruation/bleeding/syncing cycles pun to the experts.
I gave blood today! That was my major adventure of the day, biking all the way to MGH (It would've been an exceptionally pleasant ride, minus the last quarter mile, except for the rain) and giving blood and biking back. I have now given blood successfully 57 days apart which is _fucking fantastic_ for me and I'm very pleased about it.
Why is giving blood so good for me? I'm not sure, but I realized today that my internal narrative said something along the lines of "yeah, we're proud of ourselves1" which, uh...I am not typically Allowed to casually exhibit pride. I'm sure as fuck not allowed to formally exhibit pride. It's extremely fascinating that I am vain as shit and very occasionally arrogant, but pride in my accomplishments exists in a similar realm to being thanked2, in that please nope.
So the fact that I can be proud of giving blood --and this doesn't seem to be a trap, there's nothing in my brain making that pride into a sin like it does with everything else-- is...fascinating and worth investigating further. And, critically, it means that this vague idea that popped into my head in January of "I should just decide to give blood as often as they'll let me" is a very very good one and one that should be cultivated and fed.
Maybe the trap is the fear that I'm """virtue signaling""" or somehow setting myself up as better than people who don't give blood? That's a weak argument though and we all know it, born of creativity not reality3. I don't think poorly of people who don't give (there are so many reasons one can't or won't or shouldn't) and I don't think I'm better that I do, just that we all give to the world in our own ways and this is a service I am capable of providing...
...annnnnd there's the thing I suppose. Giving blood is a service. It's actually one of the purest forms of service I can provide anonymously. I am literally giving someone _my blood_ something that is ordinarily required for my survival, and I am doing it not because I think they're a really cool person and I'd do ~anything~ for them, but like...
...like, a hateful racist bigot could get my blood. A shithead white supremacist anti-masker rapist murderer could get my blood. How am I okay with giving up my blood and never knowing where it will go or who it will be given to? And I think the answer for that has to come from a fundamental belief in the ultimate goodness of humanity overall, and more importantly, the fact that I try really hard to like people and give them the benefit of the doubt (when that benefit doesn't involve them being a toxic and awful fuckwit, looking at you twitter dot hell).
Or even if I don't believe in the fundamental good of humanity, I think it's reasonable to say that I believe in the fundamental good -or at least fundamental self-sacrifice- of myself. I give blood -and don't know where it ends up- because it is the right thing for me to do.
The crew at Callahan's give blood4. Furiosa survives because Max gives her blood. If and when Valdemar develops transfusion technology, every Herald in the realm will be there every eight weeks and probably their Companions right along with them. Giving blood is a Good And Right Act. It is pure service, in doing something selflessly for someone else and it is pure service in that there just isn't much of a question as to whether it's the ethical choice.
(Besides, the person receiving my blood could be a former student, a future superstar, a loud-mouthed protester fighting for the common good.)
And fascinatingly, it's all about that service -literally giving up _the magic red juice that keeps my meat mecha operating- while at the same time being a situation that involves incredible amounts of being pampered and cared for. Do you want one nurse to adjust your chair while another brings you a juicebox and a third finds a cool towel for your fevered brow? Just mention casually in the middle of donation that you're feeling faint, and bam!
Do you want to be told "take as many as you want" when standing in front of a table with snacks and have them actually mean it? I ate peanut butter crackers and fig newtons and a rice krispie treat and TWO cans of apple juice and it was fantastic! No guilt whatsoever because again, for the like...$3.50 wholesale cost of these snacks I traded my literal lifeblood.
Giving blood is _so fun_ and I really enjoy the entire experience (once they say "yes you can donate", the occasions when I haven't made it through the pre-screen have all been _devastating_). It's absolutely my drug of choice --if I'm gonna make my brain be altered, this is a _delightful_ way to do it!
Also, there's something to be said for wanting to achieve an act that requires self-care in order to accomplish. I can't half-ass this one. If I haven't been sleeping enough, eating enough, drinking enough water, taking my vitamins (nom nom iron), I will just not be allowed to donate. And I know how that wrecks me, everyone's always very polite about it but it hurts like the worst of failures. So...I slept eight hours last night, I ate two meals and a snack, I drank my water, I had my vitamin. Moving forward, I try to keep my body moving a reasonable amount, keep my pulse reasonable, etc. I only get the reward (of losing blood??? but I mean it when I say it's one of my favourite feelings) if I do the work, so there we go.
Anyways, I'm due again on May 13th, but may twitch the date a bit in order to give blood with someone else (who apparently went in yesterday, meaning our cycles are basically synced5) and I'm just...already looking forward to it, yanno?
~Sor
MOOP!
PostScript: I had very little to say the first time I gave blood (in my defense, it was right in the middle of The Ketchup Revolution, which was...yep.) but I do have this piece of art from probably the second or third time I gave blood.
I hadn't introspected it nearly as much when I was first starting this, but I've enjoyed giving blood basically since I was 16. I'm a little frustrated that it took me a decade and a half to actually try and get serious about the "yes, every eight weeks" thing, but better late than never, yanno?
1: Look, there are reasons beyond gender I feel so comfortable using "they" as a personal pronoun, and one of the major ones is that though I don't consider myself Plural/Multiple, I've always felt like my brain is most recognizable in the collective.
2: I don't have the brain to poke at this one right now, but yeah, please nope on thanking me for things.
3: I don't have an anxiety disorder because I am creative enough that if I did, I would spend literally all my time forever dwelling on all the Bad Shit and I just don't have time for that. (This is not actually how the causation runs).
4: I mean, they definitely give it to the resident vampire, but I wanna say there was an implication that at least some of them donate regularly just in general. Maybe there's a throwaway line that the Doc encourages it?
5: Oh man, I leave the _exceptional_ menstruation/bleeding/syncing cycles pun to the experts.
no subject
on 2021-03-19 10:20 am (UTC)no subject
on 2021-03-19 06:28 pm (UTC)> Giving blood is a service. It's actually one of the purest forms of service I can provide anonymously. I am literally giving someone _my blood_ something that is ordinarily required for my survival...
> Giving blood is a Good And Right Act. It is pure service, in doing something selflessly for someone else and it is pure service in that there just isn't much of a question as to whether it's the ethical choice.
Yes this. Yes all of this. Yes, exactly.
It's funny, because I don't actually have a whole lot of emotional stuff tied up in giving blood, and I always feel like maybe I should, and maybe that makes me weird. Like, I didn't start giving blood because of anyone in my life, or any inciting incident that made me go YES I MUST DO THIS THING AND SO SHOULD YOU - I was literally driving back to UMass from That Asshole's house in RI, in probably 2007 or something, and heard an ad on the radio mentioning a blood drive at the UMass student center that afternoon, and went "sure, I can do that," and I did. It's not a thing that I'm super fired up about or massively enthusiastic about, but neither is it a chore or a thing to complain about - it's a thing that I do because it's right, and I can, and I want to, and I'm very fiercely passionate about the fact that it's important to me, but it's always been weird to me that I don't externalize that passion the way I do so many other things.
I donate blood because I can, and because so many people I know can't, and to my brain, it is default that this is a thing you do if you can. I'm good with needles. I have really excellent, easy-to-find, happy veins that stay put. I bleed quickly and easily, I don't usually get light-headed, my hemoglobin and blood pressure are nearly always in tolerable ranges. I don't have any medical contraindications or medication deferrals or travel deferrals or, currently, sex-partner deferrals (and I'm really happy that the deferral guidelines have changed in the last few years!!). My blood is Very Helpful blood (O-), and my body is really good at giving it away, and it literally costs me nothing because I will make more, so of course this is a thing I do. Why wouldn't I?
(I noticed a few weeks ago that I have a couple tiny scars over the vein on my right arm, where I've been stabbed a dozen-and-more times, and had a moment of delight for that. I have nothing else to show for how many pints of blood I've given away and re-made over the years, other than the quiet sense of a job well done, but I love being marked by the things I've done.)
also, I really love your framing of it as service. Especially in the last few years of getting deeper into the SCA, I've been reexamining so much of what I do and how I do it and why I do it through the lens of service, and what it means to serve, and what the most useful ways of serving are, and the interesting cross-sections of status that come along with consistent good service. Service is what I do, because it's something that is always right to do; sure, maybe I read too many stories about being Good and Kind and Helpful as a small being, but they weren't wrong, and so I do my best to always be Good and Kind and Helpful. I haven't been consistent about this particular service - some years I've donated very nearly every eight weeks, some years I've gone once or not at all, and it's better than nothing because I always come back to it - but it's still one that's deeply important and easier than it has any right to be.
also also, YES to your point about it being service that requires self-care. I have been not very good about self-maintenance these last few weeks, but reminding myself to go to bed early, and eat proper foods, and drink extra hydrate, and take my multivit, because being turned away from donating is the worst - yes this is an excellent way of externalizing the reward for taking care of this human body that I live in.
(oh. oh, is donating blood one of the ways that I pay for the privilege of living in this human body? like, I know a handful of people who are Really Upset that they have to be embodied, who view bodies as a terrible idea terribly executed, but I genuinely love my body and have worked hard over many years to get to that point, and think it could be plausible that part of my brain views this tithe of blood as a sacred rite in gratitude for the gift of this body. I...should poke that more.)
I have occasionally been stupid about the things I do after donating - I'm thinking particularly of the Arisia where I donated in the afternoon and then went to the contradance that evening (though I was at least sensible enough to sit out every other dance) - but I'm getting a lot better about paying attention to what my body needs afterwards, and I appreciate that this is another way that donating blood forces me to do proper self-care. I can't handwave away light-headedness or the need to take it easy afterward; it's not me being weak, it's me literally being short on blood. It's not something I can or should push through, it's not something that other people will view me as strong or good for ignoring, so okay yes, I take care of myself and give myself good aftercare, and that normalizes doing that at other times too. It forces me to pay attention to my body's needs and be gentle with them, and that's a good practice to be in the habit of.
also also, 1000% agreed on snax. Like. The Red Cross does all these incentives, t-shirts and water bottles and umbrellas and dunkin's coffee, throughout the year, to get people to come in to donate, and I'm like "okay but. You literally give me snacks. You give me all the snacks I want and make it an obligation to sit down and consume them before I leave. TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THE SNACKS AND THEY WILL DONATE."
anyway hi you're great and I'm so glad you love doing this, and I'm so glad that the ways in which you love doing this coincide with so many of the ways in which I love doing this, and I like your brain and think you're great and am truly delighted that we're synced up. ♥
no subject
on 2021-03-23 02:07 am (UTC)It can take *years* to build up that store again, and until then, you basically have anemia - which makes you physically exhausted. It's an underreported problem that Canada is just starting to act on, and the US is behind on.
If you plan to donate with high frequency, talk to your doctor and consider taking extra iron supplements. Take this from someone who has donated a double-digit number of times.