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May. 11th, 2019 04:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressAnywho, here's a twitter thread I wrote while sitting on the greenway and eating a lunch I packed from home:
***
Here is a small, personal, thread about bells and my journey. (1/?)
This is an entry from my ringing diary from February this year. (I keep track of everything everyone rings when I'm at practice because ???)
IMG DESCRIPTION: An entry from my ringing diary. Descriptions of who's ringing what are mixed with extremely negative self-talk about how I did.
You can see that there are maybe some...problems with the "diary" part of the ringing diary. This was not uncommon. (3/?)
At almost every practice, for a long period of time, I was calling myself shit for *something*. Even my "good" comments were loaded.
IMG DESCRIPTION: Another ringing diary entry, where I call myself fucking shit, and then talk about a skill I have which I acknowledge as objectively impressive, but then declare that since I can do it, it must be trivial.
(I'm kinda fond of this conversation with myself I had in the middle of a Bad Day. But still. Ick.)
IMG DESCRIPTION: Ringing diary, swearing at myself for fucking up, then a quoted convo with myself: "you can't cry in a house of god" "bitch if there's anywhere in the world I can cry, it's a house of god"
Somewhere along the way, I had Austin ask me if this was actually fun for me. The same week, my therapist said something similar. (?/?)
The following week, I made a promise to myself, a written vow to cut that negative shit out. (7/?)
IMG DESCRIPTION: Ringing diary, with a decleration[sic] to begin it "I am officially not allowed to say bad stuff in here about my ringing. Not even useful bad stuff probably. No comment is more useful than unnecessary bad comment."
Diary quieted down for a while. Still editoralizing my notes where I could, it's useful for me to record advice I'm given... (8/?)
...but no hate. No calling myself shit, no saying I fucked up. If it's not constructive or nice, it's not said. That's how it's been. (9/?)
This is my ringing diary for today.
IMG DESCRIPTION: Ringing diary, a small short entry with only three people at practice. It ends with "and I should've recorded the last time, it was perfect". And a heart.
I wrote that without thinking. I called myself perfect and added a heart. (11/?)
Was our last round "perfect"? well no, handling is an ongoing concern. But it was miles better than our first! Everyone in the right place!
This was me *and Alison* learning a brand new method for us. First in tower for both. And we tried and tried and tried, again and again.
And that's what I've been doing this whole time with bells. Trying and trying and trying. It is a difficult hobby, it requires practice. ?/?
It's hard, but it's fun, and I love it and it makes me happy. And I like that my words can reflect that. 15/15 fin.
***
~Sor
MOOP!
PostScript: I'm so very not good at it, but I'm trying hard to make sure to include image descriptions when I post pictures to Twitter. It's the small things, right? Someone says "hey, it would be cool if you could make a small change for yourself to make a big change for me/us" and you try your damndest to say "yeah, I can do that".
If you wanna see the original pictures, click the link up top.
***
Here is a small, personal, thread about bells and my journey. (1/?)
This is an entry from my ringing diary from February this year. (I keep track of everything everyone rings when I'm at practice because ???)
IMG DESCRIPTION: An entry from my ringing diary. Descriptions of who's ringing what are mixed with extremely negative self-talk about how I did.
You can see that there are maybe some...problems with the "diary" part of the ringing diary. This was not uncommon. (3/?)
At almost every practice, for a long period of time, I was calling myself shit for *something*. Even my "good" comments were loaded.
IMG DESCRIPTION: Another ringing diary entry, where I call myself fucking shit, and then talk about a skill I have which I acknowledge as objectively impressive, but then declare that since I can do it, it must be trivial.
(I'm kinda fond of this conversation with myself I had in the middle of a Bad Day. But still. Ick.)
IMG DESCRIPTION: Ringing diary, swearing at myself for fucking up, then a quoted convo with myself: "you can't cry in a house of god" "bitch if there's anywhere in the world I can cry, it's a house of god"
Somewhere along the way, I had Austin ask me if this was actually fun for me. The same week, my therapist said something similar. (?/?)
The following week, I made a promise to myself, a written vow to cut that negative shit out. (7/?)
IMG DESCRIPTION: Ringing diary, with a decleration[sic] to begin it "I am officially not allowed to say bad stuff in here about my ringing. Not even useful bad stuff probably. No comment is more useful than unnecessary bad comment."
Diary quieted down for a while. Still editoralizing my notes where I could, it's useful for me to record advice I'm given... (8/?)
...but no hate. No calling myself shit, no saying I fucked up. If it's not constructive or nice, it's not said. That's how it's been. (9/?)
This is my ringing diary for today.
IMG DESCRIPTION: Ringing diary, a small short entry with only three people at practice. It ends with "and I should've recorded the last time, it was perfect". And a heart.
I wrote that without thinking. I called myself perfect and added a heart. (11/?)
Was our last round "perfect"? well no, handling is an ongoing concern. But it was miles better than our first! Everyone in the right place!
This was me *and Alison* learning a brand new method for us. First in tower for both. And we tried and tried and tried, again and again.
And that's what I've been doing this whole time with bells. Trying and trying and trying. It is a difficult hobby, it requires practice. ?/?
It's hard, but it's fun, and I love it and it makes me happy. And I like that my words can reflect that. 15/15 fin.
***
~Sor
MOOP!
PostScript: I'm so very not good at it, but I'm trying hard to make sure to include image descriptions when I post pictures to Twitter. It's the small things, right? Someone says "hey, it would be cool if you could make a small change for yourself to make a big change for me/us" and you try your damndest to say "yeah, I can do that".
If you wanna see the original pictures, click the link up top.
no subject
on 2019-05-11 09:46 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2019-05-11 11:13 pm (UTC)