Glok is a fun word
Dec. 6th, 2004 06:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressI haven't posted anything worthwhile in probably a month.
Lessee...*reads archive* Well, Member of a Techie Crew was pretty self satisfying at the time. I hate parodizing things though, because once I get started, I HAVE to finish the song.
So, I need to post something thats worth reading. Dammit!! You can't force creativity, and I have NOTHING thats old thats worth posting with the exception of maybe "It's My Ring", and thats not even rightfully all mine.
You can't force creativity. Too bloody straight, I cannot force myself to be creative and wonderful and have something new and exciting. And lately, I've been much too passive. I've been reading a lot, books, webcomics, it's all the same, and none of it is writing. The only thing I've written in about a week is too deeply ensconed in the recesses of my mind to bring out. Shit, I'm babbling again aren't I?
I didn't get Bianca. So I'm teching After Juliet. This is ok I guess. Besides the me not getting Bianca part. There are some parts that just scream to be taken, Inigo for example. Or...Or...I can't even think of any other instances. I'd have taken Violet if given the chance, but I wasn't.
I don't know how much this is affecting me. Smile, nod, put on a happy face, congratulate whoever DID get her (some freshie) and watch from backstage and try to stay mellow. Quote the lines, mimic the actions, stay backstage. And yet, I don't even care that much. It was just a part in a play, there will be other plays, and I will have the chance to audition for them if I so wish. I'm never going to be a famous actor, these plays are nothing more then fun for me, not like the practices they are for Yury or should be for Chantal (If that woman doesn't go and do at least SOME sort of acting post collage, I may have to shoot her.) I just don't care enough.
We did our presentations of the After Juliet sets today. I was pretty much an emotional wreck by the time our group went (last, how typical.) I did alright though on my part, Chantal turned several shades of pink when we said our Rosiline wore a mini-skirt with tights or tight pants underneath. (Congrats on gettting the part BTW) Sarah was quite happy with the idea of a trenchcoated drummer though, so that was good. God, I love that woman.
Tyler looked FANTASTIC today. But then, she always does when she cleans herself up. it's just part of her.
Lunch didn't suck as much as it could have, although Paulyanne did manage to dump me on the floor. Hurt my head, and my pride, both of which stopped aching before the day was out.
I'm an emotional trainwreck right now. No. Clue. Why. Horomones, PMS, just a bad day, whatever, it's screwing around with my mind in a way normally only She can and it's PISSING ME OFF!
There I go again. I think the last six paragraphs were just me babbling some more. I'm not very good at this whole livejournal thing am I?
I wish I had something about my veiws on life to write about. I don't though, everything thats been on my mind lately has been too close to share. It often seems that way, I don't open up very well. Is there something wrong with me for that? For hiding behind a closed shell, for jealously protecting my soul and refusing to let anyone come near? He has though. Oddly enough, I think He is one of the few people who's seen more of me then I let be shown to the outside world. You know who you are.
Is that why He's able to screw with my mind so effectivly? Perhaps. Or maybe He's just an annoying evil bastard.
Like I was saying, I don't open much. I introspect myself often and thouroghly(sp?) but none of it leaves my long formed walls. I tell my friends I love them, but rare is the day where I feel willing to reveal a crush, even if I belive (or know) they have similar feelings. And oddly enough, I do have the ocassional crush, although I cannot see myself doing anything more then hugging and maybe some light kissing with any man or woman alive. Perhaps it's asexuality, perhaps the fact that I just haven't matured yet. Who knows.
I don't exactly know why I keep myself so closed. perhaps I just want people to leave me alone, and the less they know about me, the easier that becomes. Perhaps I'm just paranoid, and don't want anyone to have anything they can blackmail me with-or more likely, anything they can gossip among their group of friends.
Or maybe I'm just scared. A rabbit, cowering in her hole watching the foxes edge around outside. Scared of getting bit, scared of getting hurt, scared of emotional wounds, which any fool knows run deeper then the physical ones. I like that metaphor with the rabbit, although I've never seen myself as one of those. (With the exception of Lab Rabbits) I've always thought of myself as a cat, which doesn't help the teasing any, or perhaps a snake of some sort. I digress.
It's amazing how much can write when one opens herself up. Just write and write, and not worry about what crap she's spewing now, what garbage, nonsence, whimsy. Just write. Me, the words, the journal, nirvana. And it is, writing has always been an escape of sorts, although sometimes it backfires, forcing me to look at myself through Her eyes, instead of my own.
Gabriel is a pretty name. That just needs to be said. He is not so bad a person either, not the arch angel, but the one who currently lurks behind closed eyes, trying to find Her so to best banish Her from my soul. For that he gets my approval, and the right to stay.
(nearly)Two pages and counting.
The quote of the day, oddly enough, does not fit this melencholy mood. From Paul, upon learning (little)Billy got Romeo. "I wish I could be his Juliet!!" This will not make sense but to a select few, the ones who were there That Day at the park. A good day, a bad day, a day. Or perhaps to those who sit at the lunch table, who hang with us at lunch.
This melencholy mood. How lovely. Not good for people, yet wants them so much, wants to be able to talk and cuddle, yet few humans could satisfy this need.
I have not talked to Kat in a very long time. This is not her fault, this is mine, I have not been on AIM in a while. Breifest flickers, but nothing, and I rather like it. It's more solitary. Well, I don't like the not talking to Kat part, but I like having solitude ocassionally.
I distract easily. Even simple things such as homework strain my mind, pulling it to their whim.
I think I need to go eat dinner now. And maybe play some DDR.
Fare thee well.
2 and a fourth pages, and nothing to read.
~Sorceress
MOOP!
Lessee...*reads archive* Well, Member of a Techie Crew was pretty self satisfying at the time. I hate parodizing things though, because once I get started, I HAVE to finish the song.
So, I need to post something thats worth reading. Dammit!! You can't force creativity, and I have NOTHING thats old thats worth posting with the exception of maybe "It's My Ring", and thats not even rightfully all mine.
You can't force creativity. Too bloody straight, I cannot force myself to be creative and wonderful and have something new and exciting. And lately, I've been much too passive. I've been reading a lot, books, webcomics, it's all the same, and none of it is writing. The only thing I've written in about a week is too deeply ensconed in the recesses of my mind to bring out. Shit, I'm babbling again aren't I?
I didn't get Bianca. So I'm teching After Juliet. This is ok I guess. Besides the me not getting Bianca part. There are some parts that just scream to be taken, Inigo for example. Or...Or...I can't even think of any other instances. I'd have taken Violet if given the chance, but I wasn't.
I don't know how much this is affecting me. Smile, nod, put on a happy face, congratulate whoever DID get her (some freshie) and watch from backstage and try to stay mellow. Quote the lines, mimic the actions, stay backstage. And yet, I don't even care that much. It was just a part in a play, there will be other plays, and I will have the chance to audition for them if I so wish. I'm never going to be a famous actor, these plays are nothing more then fun for me, not like the practices they are for Yury or should be for Chantal (If that woman doesn't go and do at least SOME sort of acting post collage, I may have to shoot her.) I just don't care enough.
We did our presentations of the After Juliet sets today. I was pretty much an emotional wreck by the time our group went (last, how typical.) I did alright though on my part, Chantal turned several shades of pink when we said our Rosiline wore a mini-skirt with tights or tight pants underneath. (Congrats on gettting the part BTW) Sarah was quite happy with the idea of a trenchcoated drummer though, so that was good. God, I love that woman.
Tyler looked FANTASTIC today. But then, she always does when she cleans herself up. it's just part of her.
Lunch didn't suck as much as it could have, although Paulyanne did manage to dump me on the floor. Hurt my head, and my pride, both of which stopped aching before the day was out.
I'm an emotional trainwreck right now. No. Clue. Why. Horomones, PMS, just a bad day, whatever, it's screwing around with my mind in a way normally only She can and it's PISSING ME OFF!
There I go again. I think the last six paragraphs were just me babbling some more. I'm not very good at this whole livejournal thing am I?
I wish I had something about my veiws on life to write about. I don't though, everything thats been on my mind lately has been too close to share. It often seems that way, I don't open up very well. Is there something wrong with me for that? For hiding behind a closed shell, for jealously protecting my soul and refusing to let anyone come near? He has though. Oddly enough, I think He is one of the few people who's seen more of me then I let be shown to the outside world. You know who you are.
Is that why He's able to screw with my mind so effectivly? Perhaps. Or maybe He's just an annoying evil bastard.
Like I was saying, I don't open much. I introspect myself often and thouroghly(sp?) but none of it leaves my long formed walls. I tell my friends I love them, but rare is the day where I feel willing to reveal a crush, even if I belive (or know) they have similar feelings. And oddly enough, I do have the ocassional crush, although I cannot see myself doing anything more then hugging and maybe some light kissing with any man or woman alive. Perhaps it's asexuality, perhaps the fact that I just haven't matured yet. Who knows.
I don't exactly know why I keep myself so closed. perhaps I just want people to leave me alone, and the less they know about me, the easier that becomes. Perhaps I'm just paranoid, and don't want anyone to have anything they can blackmail me with-or more likely, anything they can gossip among their group of friends.
Or maybe I'm just scared. A rabbit, cowering in her hole watching the foxes edge around outside. Scared of getting bit, scared of getting hurt, scared of emotional wounds, which any fool knows run deeper then the physical ones. I like that metaphor with the rabbit, although I've never seen myself as one of those. (With the exception of Lab Rabbits) I've always thought of myself as a cat, which doesn't help the teasing any, or perhaps a snake of some sort. I digress.
It's amazing how much can write when one opens herself up. Just write and write, and not worry about what crap she's spewing now, what garbage, nonsence, whimsy. Just write. Me, the words, the journal, nirvana. And it is, writing has always been an escape of sorts, although sometimes it backfires, forcing me to look at myself through Her eyes, instead of my own.
Gabriel is a pretty name. That just needs to be said. He is not so bad a person either, not the arch angel, but the one who currently lurks behind closed eyes, trying to find Her so to best banish Her from my soul. For that he gets my approval, and the right to stay.
(nearly)Two pages and counting.
The quote of the day, oddly enough, does not fit this melencholy mood. From Paul, upon learning (little)Billy got Romeo. "I wish I could be his Juliet!!" This will not make sense but to a select few, the ones who were there That Day at the park. A good day, a bad day, a day. Or perhaps to those who sit at the lunch table, who hang with us at lunch.
This melencholy mood. How lovely. Not good for people, yet wants them so much, wants to be able to talk and cuddle, yet few humans could satisfy this need.
I have not talked to Kat in a very long time. This is not her fault, this is mine, I have not been on AIM in a while. Breifest flickers, but nothing, and I rather like it. It's more solitary. Well, I don't like the not talking to Kat part, but I like having solitude ocassionally.
I distract easily. Even simple things such as homework strain my mind, pulling it to their whim.
I think I need to go eat dinner now. And maybe play some DDR.
Fare thee well.
2 and a fourth pages, and nothing to read.
~Sorceress
MOOP!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2004-12-06 04:05 pm (UTC)You know it was an accident love, and I'm sorry. You wouldn't come to me after that :-(
'The quote of the day, oddly enough, does not fit this melencholy mood. From Paul, upon learning (little)Billy got Romeo. "I wish I could be his Juliet!!" This will not make sense but to a select few, the ones who were there That Day at the park. A good day, a bad day, a day. Or perhaps to those who sit at the lunch table, who hang with us at lunch'
Heh. That's me.
That was an interesting day, at the park...
'I'm an emotional trainwreck right now. No. Clue. Why. Horomones, PMS, just a bad day, whatever, it's screwing around with my mind in a way normally only She can and it's PISSING ME OFF!'
Hmm...Paul wonders whom 'She' is.
'For hiding behind a closed shell, for jealously protecting my soul and refusing to let anyone come near? He has though. Oddly enough, I think He is one of the few people who's seen more of me then I let be shown to the outside world. You know who you are.'
I also wonder whom 'He' is.
'Is that why He's able to screw with my mind so effectivly? Perhaps. Or maybe He's just an annoying evil bastard.'
Well I'm an annoying evil bastard...
'And oddly enough, I do have the ocassional crush, although I cannot see myself doing anything more then hugging and maybe some light kissing with any man or woman alive. Perhaps it's asexuality, perhaps the fact that I just haven't matured yet. Who knows.'
Asexuality, eh? ...wonder what the kids would look like.
no subject
on 2004-12-06 04:30 pm (UTC)She is not inclined to use Her true name, whatever it may be.
~Sor
no subject
on 2004-12-06 05:10 pm (UTC)But it will all work out and we will earn cappies, many of them, *manaical laughter*
Well I love you babe, and no matter what I will.
~V~
no subject
on 2004-12-06 06:42 pm (UTC)~Sorcy
Good Times
on 2004-12-06 05:41 pm (UTC)Spy, Signing Out
Re: Good Times
on 2004-12-06 06:40 pm (UTC)Sometimes.
~Sorceress
kenya lion makes happy
on 2004-12-06 06:35 pm (UTC)-mell
Re: kenya lion makes happy
on 2004-12-06 06:41 pm (UTC)~Sorcy!
no subject
on 2004-12-06 09:20 pm (UTC)My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Is that why He's able to screw with my mind so effectivly? Perhaps. Or maybe He's just an annoying evil bastard.
Like others, I wonder who He and She are, but since I don't even know you IRL, that could present a problem. Unless it's Satan. Or God. Everyone knows them.
I'm not very good at this whole livejournal thing am I?
Considering that most of LJers (even Brad admits) are whiny seventeen-yaer-old teens who go "OMG my life sux so much will you friend me", no, you aren't doing too good a job of it.
I wish I had something about my veiws on life to write about.
Typo
Like I was saying, I don't open much. I introspect myself often and thouroghly(sp?) but none of it leaves my long formed walls.
You're thinking of thoroughly or perhaps Thorogly.
I think I need to go eat dinner now. And maybe play some DDR.
DDR is the devil.
Right, I've finished copy-editing your entry.
*grin*
on 2004-12-07 08:40 am (UTC)And I don't care that DDR is the devil, it is a happy devil that manages to take the suckness away and replace it with tierd oblivion.
He is a friend of mine, or as much a friend as he can be while She is deeper and refuses to let Herself be known.
Thank You.
~Sorcy
Re: *grin*
no subject
on 2004-12-07 03:32 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2004-12-08 11:55 am (UTC)Spy
no subject
on 2005-10-21 04:09 pm (UTC)But... do you... grok?
no subject
on 2005-12-08 11:17 pm (UTC)What is this...grok?
~Sor
no subject
on 2005-12-08 11:47 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2006-04-12 05:35 pm (UTC)~Sor
no subject
on 2006-04-15 04:35 am (UTC)no subject
on 2006-04-16 02:15 pm (UTC)Grog?
~Sor
no subject
on 2006-05-04 12:42 pm (UTC)And wild church-orgies.