(no subject)
Nov. 10th, 2022 05:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressI got perceived today in a way that makes me really happy.
WorkBestie and I were walking home (he lives a couple blocks from me, so sometimes we leave at the same time and chat on the walk and it's really nice) and had just reached the bus stop where a batch of students were waiting for the bus. We observed an older white man talking very animatedly at a brown-skinned student. The student didn't seem wildly unhappy or upset, but he also looked very clearly like he didn't know the man and some of the man's conversation seemed to be Strongly Opinionated About the Chinese Government in a way that seemed hinky.
So I looked back a few times, tried to asses the situ, eventually decided that Bestie is a smart guy who can cope (or just go home if he wanted) and walked up to the man "John?" I asked and we were off.
The guy (Mike) turned out to be very talkative and we had a 10-15 minute conversation in which I learned (repeatedly) that he was 61, where he currently lived, that he had a 39 year old son who lives in Charlestown, that he can see the moon out his window and that he wants to buy a telescope and did you know they're only about $100. It was extremely cyclical, and only very briefly touched on his clearly well-worn argument about how the Chinese government sucks (I did not fully read the little sign he was carrying but it said "they're bad for their people and us" and also seemed to say something that involved both the words "fuck" and "motherfuckers").
Ultimately he seemed pretty much harmless and lonely and probably mildly mentally ill but in a mostly capable way? Certainly not in any sort of "I feel the need to call someone about this" way. My plan was to wait until the bus came (for the students) and then extract myself, but he decided he had to get going just before that happened and ended the conversation himself.
Mike asked me a _lot_ of questions throughout the conversation, including my name, last name, job, age, and birthday, all of which I lied about1. Meanwhile, Bestie stayed mostly off to the side until near the end, and got drawn in, at which point he also lied about his name. (Bestie told me after that he had checked with the student, and the student didn't think we needed to de-escelate the situation. He didn't seem insulted about it, just amused that grown-ups would intervene, and certainly he wasn't jumping to get back into the conversation which implies to me that at minimum, better for a patient grown-up to be annoyed by a stranger than a potentially volatile teenager.)
Which brings us to the perceivement. Mike has ambled off, the students have gotten on the bus, Bestie and I are back on track and he just looks at me and says "that was extremely impressive".
He was impressed that I knew how to intervene and de-escelate and casually place my body between Mike and the student without looking obvious or forcing them apart. He was also impressed that I was able to lie instantly and casually to a stranger. Essentially, he was impressed ("and I'm happy I got to witness that") that I am _damn good_ at people.
It was really nice of him to tell me that, and I'm really happy that he picked up on his role of backup (check in with the student, make sure everything's okay there, not mess up the con by calling out my lies) without flaw. It was also nice to have a witness (and differently, to have backup) for Me Doing A Good Community Thing.
I know that I'm _damn good_ at people, it's a thing I say with non-zero frequency (and interesting, that it's not listed in the Things I Am Capable Of Arrogance About, will have to dwell on that later) but I am very very happy to receive external confirmation that I can do the thing and do it well.
~Sor
MOOP!
1: Because, as Bestie put it, anyone who wants to know that much personal information that quickly seems sus. And also, though Bestie and I didn't cover this in the debrief, because I am perceived as a woman in public and yes absolutely I am going to lie about my personal information to strange men and if you don't understand the link between those two statements I am not patient enough to explain it.
WorkBestie and I were walking home (he lives a couple blocks from me, so sometimes we leave at the same time and chat on the walk and it's really nice) and had just reached the bus stop where a batch of students were waiting for the bus. We observed an older white man talking very animatedly at a brown-skinned student. The student didn't seem wildly unhappy or upset, but he also looked very clearly like he didn't know the man and some of the man's conversation seemed to be Strongly Opinionated About the Chinese Government in a way that seemed hinky.
So I looked back a few times, tried to asses the situ, eventually decided that Bestie is a smart guy who can cope (or just go home if he wanted) and walked up to the man "John?" I asked and we were off.
The guy (Mike) turned out to be very talkative and we had a 10-15 minute conversation in which I learned (repeatedly) that he was 61, where he currently lived, that he had a 39 year old son who lives in Charlestown, that he can see the moon out his window and that he wants to buy a telescope and did you know they're only about $100. It was extremely cyclical, and only very briefly touched on his clearly well-worn argument about how the Chinese government sucks (I did not fully read the little sign he was carrying but it said "they're bad for their people and us" and also seemed to say something that involved both the words "fuck" and "motherfuckers").
Ultimately he seemed pretty much harmless and lonely and probably mildly mentally ill but in a mostly capable way? Certainly not in any sort of "I feel the need to call someone about this" way. My plan was to wait until the bus came (for the students) and then extract myself, but he decided he had to get going just before that happened and ended the conversation himself.
Mike asked me a _lot_ of questions throughout the conversation, including my name, last name, job, age, and birthday, all of which I lied about1. Meanwhile, Bestie stayed mostly off to the side until near the end, and got drawn in, at which point he also lied about his name. (Bestie told me after that he had checked with the student, and the student didn't think we needed to de-escelate the situation. He didn't seem insulted about it, just amused that grown-ups would intervene, and certainly he wasn't jumping to get back into the conversation which implies to me that at minimum, better for a patient grown-up to be annoyed by a stranger than a potentially volatile teenager.)
Which brings us to the perceivement. Mike has ambled off, the students have gotten on the bus, Bestie and I are back on track and he just looks at me and says "that was extremely impressive".
He was impressed that I knew how to intervene and de-escelate and casually place my body between Mike and the student without looking obvious or forcing them apart. He was also impressed that I was able to lie instantly and casually to a stranger. Essentially, he was impressed ("and I'm happy I got to witness that") that I am _damn good_ at people.
It was really nice of him to tell me that, and I'm really happy that he picked up on his role of backup (check in with the student, make sure everything's okay there, not mess up the con by calling out my lies) without flaw. It was also nice to have a witness (and differently, to have backup) for Me Doing A Good Community Thing.
I know that I'm _damn good_ at people, it's a thing I say with non-zero frequency (and interesting, that it's not listed in the Things I Am Capable Of Arrogance About, will have to dwell on that later) but I am very very happy to receive external confirmation that I can do the thing and do it well.
~Sor
MOOP!
1: Because, as Bestie put it, anyone who wants to know that much personal information that quickly seems sus. And also, though Bestie and I didn't cover this in the debrief, because I am perceived as a woman in public and yes absolutely I am going to lie about my personal information to strange men and if you don't understand the link between those two statements I am not patient enough to explain it.
no subject
on 2022-11-11 01:29 am (UTC)I totally get why you lied, and without even pausing to think about. I've done the same myself, as a white cis male, when strangers ask prying questions. And why do the crazies fixate on such things anyway? Like, dude, we're just chatting about the weather or how late the bus is or what a shame it was that Franky's Pizza over on the corner closed down 2 years ago, I'm not playing "Give you enough information to open a credit card in my name."
no subject
on 2022-11-13 05:52 am (UTC)