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May. 27th, 2022 07:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressContent Warning: School shootings
I have to leave the house at 7:30 if I want to get to work on time.
At about 7:15 this morning, I was reading my daily webcomics, and got to today's Something*Positive. It involves Rory, the teenager character who is about to graduate high school. It is about the shootings in Uvalde.
Randy Milholland is a fantastic storyteller, and this is not the first time his comic has made me cry. But this might be the first time his comic has made me break. Sitting in my chair just staring and _sobbing_, one moment of cathartic grief that had been building and not able to feel yet.
And it was 7:20. And I have to leave the house at 7:30 if I want to get to work on time.
***
I did what any red-blooded American would do: I distracted myself out of the immediate moment, stopped feeling things, finished my breakfast and went to work, walking through the doors just a few minutes before the bell. I ran into a coworker and gave them a slightly heavy answer to "how are you" which we both diffused with sarcasm and dripping irony about how everything _must_ be okay because we are here at work.
I am sitting in a classroom where my students will come and learn and laugh with each other and play games and copy each other's notes and do tiktok dances and ask for help and teach each other and practice their language and whine about tests and try to distract me and fidget and be enthusiastic and have brilliant insights and maybe someday get shot. I teach English learners, my classrooms are 80% brown, just like Uvalde so it's not like the cops would give a damn about us either.
Everything is broken.
~Sor
MOOP!
Content Warning: School shootings
I have to leave the house at 7:30 if I want to get to work on time.
At about 7:15 this morning, I was reading my daily webcomics, and got to today's Something*Positive. It involves Rory, the teenager character who is about to graduate high school. It is about the shootings in Uvalde.
Randy Milholland is a fantastic storyteller, and this is not the first time his comic has made me cry. But this might be the first time his comic has made me break. Sitting in my chair just staring and _sobbing_, one moment of cathartic grief that had been building and not able to feel yet.
And it was 7:20. And I have to leave the house at 7:30 if I want to get to work on time.
***
I did what any red-blooded American would do: I distracted myself out of the immediate moment, stopped feeling things, finished my breakfast and went to work, walking through the doors just a few minutes before the bell. I ran into a coworker and gave them a slightly heavy answer to "how are you" which we both diffused with sarcasm and dripping irony about how everything _must_ be okay because we are here at work.
I am sitting in a classroom where my students will come and learn and laugh with each other and play games and copy each other's notes and do tiktok dances and ask for help and teach each other and practice their language and whine about tests and try to distract me and fidget and be enthusiastic and have brilliant insights and maybe someday get shot. I teach English learners, my classrooms are 80% brown, just like Uvalde so it's not like the cops would give a damn about us either.
Everything is broken.
~Sor
MOOP!
Content Warning: School shootings
no subject
on 2022-05-27 12:02 pm (UTC)~Sor
no subject
on 2022-05-27 12:23 pm (UTC)US society has been broken for awhile now but manages to keep limping along on sheer momentum.
I'm doing what I can to build anti-authoritarian power-structures so we can start meaningfully fighting back against the forces that want to make things worse, but it's like building a skyscraper one-handed... while, I dunno, lying flat on my back and being attacked by wild geese or something. It feels unlikely to be enough, soon enough, but it's a thing into which I can channel my anger and fear.
no subject
on 2022-05-27 12:40 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2022-05-27 12:47 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2022-05-29 09:09 am (UTC)I hope you get more time for catharsis soon, and I hope this fucking country will ever act to stop this.