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Mar. 4th, 2020 11:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressI asked for help today.
I actually did a _lot_ today. I taught four classes in a row, with a weird bonus in that I didn't have the third class prepped when I arrived at school and managed to fish out enough time along the way to make it work.
I finished the next two weeks of SCD class planning --meaning one is 2.5 days late, the other is 4.5 days early. Theoretically it gets easier as time goes on, because when I find dances that aren't suitable for this week but I want to do later, I dump them into the file. I've got ten dances total for weeks 6+7, for instance1.
I had a _long_ meeting with the folks from the EDC, talking about the next module, which I'm not doing until April. It was productive! Don't tell them, but it also overlapped some with the dance planning.
I had a short meeting with my boss which boils down to "hey dumbass, that thing where you full well know you're not supposed to come in late, every fucking day? Yeah, it's caught up with you." Suck less, kiddo.
And then (post six PM) it was time to do my dailies, enter attendance and participation and warmups and check the work email and fill out a few conduct referrals (I'm getting behind on following up with those, and ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Excuse me while I teach your child but first I must.
(Content Warning for the above link: I _genuinely_ perform 35/43 of the items on that list, or some reasonable equivalent. If you are a teacher, it is probably the most depressingly accurate thing you will _ever_ see. I keep meaning to print a copy out to post by the copiers.)
So I left work at about 6:45, which is not the latest ever but probably isn't great. And I biked for a while completely drained, and eventually I cried a bunch (which I probably needed). Bike-and-cry until I get home, then come in and force myself to find a food. A little after eight I settled in at the computer with a bowl of oatmeal and some chips and a giant stack of grading. I started though, by asking for help.
Just one little tweet. Open ended, hopeful, "I need this". Almost two hours later I was able to check twitter again and find just...sweeping piles of love and affection from those in my life. I got to make a dumb paint-image based on two of the things people sent, and I had hugs, and laughed, and it was really nice. Thank you all for helping! I liked that.
A few people asked me directly via text what they could do, and here is the answer:
You can help me by contacting me randomly, in the middle of the day sometime, and telling me that Past!Kat wants me to know that I will feel better if I eat and accomplish. That's all. Give me some random accountability when I'm not expecting it. Remind me that I do believe in myself, even though I'm miserably imperfect as well.
And be good to yourselves. I like that part too.
~Sor
MOOP!
1: I will not be able to use all of them, because while *I* would absolutely get my rocks off to getting to dance Cranberry Tart *and* Zytglogge *and* I dunno probably Bees or 1314 or something *and* this weird dance I found that's 5-couples 32 bars but a new couple starts every 16 bars all in the same night...yeah. "Weird Shit Night" does not mean "actively hostile to newer/slower/less experienced/no-longer-spry dancers night". Someday in the parallel universe where capitalism isn't, I am quite sure I have the time and energy to run regular invite-only dance things where we can just do the good shit.
(Sidebar: There are lots of very simple dances that are deliciously satisfying. A good band can elevate just about anything, as well! I love _all_ of Scottish, and not just "the hard bits".
But also I really like being able to dance at the absolute top of my challenge level, and it simply does not happen to me very often. The downside to being one of the best dancers in the branch is that there simply aren't very many people who can keep up with me sometimes.
Only arrogant about teaching and SCD.
I actually did a _lot_ today. I taught four classes in a row, with a weird bonus in that I didn't have the third class prepped when I arrived at school and managed to fish out enough time along the way to make it work.
I finished the next two weeks of SCD class planning --meaning one is 2.5 days late, the other is 4.5 days early. Theoretically it gets easier as time goes on, because when I find dances that aren't suitable for this week but I want to do later, I dump them into the file. I've got ten dances total for weeks 6+7, for instance1.
I had a _long_ meeting with the folks from the EDC, talking about the next module, which I'm not doing until April. It was productive! Don't tell them, but it also overlapped some with the dance planning.
I had a short meeting with my boss which boils down to "hey dumbass, that thing where you full well know you're not supposed to come in late, every fucking day? Yeah, it's caught up with you." Suck less, kiddo.
And then (post six PM) it was time to do my dailies, enter attendance and participation and warmups and check the work email and fill out a few conduct referrals (I'm getting behind on following up with those, and ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Excuse me while I teach your child but first I must.
(Content Warning for the above link: I _genuinely_ perform 35/43 of the items on that list, or some reasonable equivalent. If you are a teacher, it is probably the most depressingly accurate thing you will _ever_ see. I keep meaning to print a copy out to post by the copiers.)
So I left work at about 6:45, which is not the latest ever but probably isn't great. And I biked for a while completely drained, and eventually I cried a bunch (which I probably needed). Bike-and-cry until I get home, then come in and force myself to find a food. A little after eight I settled in at the computer with a bowl of oatmeal and some chips and a giant stack of grading. I started though, by asking for help.
Just one little tweet. Open ended, hopeful, "I need this". Almost two hours later I was able to check twitter again and find just...sweeping piles of love and affection from those in my life. I got to make a dumb paint-image based on two of the things people sent, and I had hugs, and laughed, and it was really nice. Thank you all for helping! I liked that.
A few people asked me directly via text what they could do, and here is the answer:
You can help me by contacting me randomly, in the middle of the day sometime, and telling me that Past!Kat wants me to know that I will feel better if I eat and accomplish. That's all. Give me some random accountability when I'm not expecting it. Remind me that I do believe in myself, even though I'm miserably imperfect as well.
And be good to yourselves. I like that part too.
~Sor
MOOP!
1: I will not be able to use all of them, because while *I* would absolutely get my rocks off to getting to dance Cranberry Tart *and* Zytglogge *and* I dunno probably Bees or 1314 or something *and* this weird dance I found that's 5-couples 32 bars but a new couple starts every 16 bars all in the same night...yeah. "Weird Shit Night" does not mean "actively hostile to newer/slower/less experienced/no-longer-spry dancers night". Someday in the parallel universe where capitalism isn't, I am quite sure I have the time and energy to run regular invite-only dance things where we can just do the good shit.
(Sidebar: There are lots of very simple dances that are deliciously satisfying. A good band can elevate just about anything, as well! I love _all_ of Scottish, and not just "the hard bits".
But also I really like being able to dance at the absolute top of my challenge level, and it simply does not happen to me very often. The downside to being one of the best dancers in the branch is that there simply aren't very many people who can keep up with me sometimes.
Only arrogant about teaching and SCD.
no subject
on 2020-03-06 09:54 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2020-03-14 01:31 am (UTC)