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Feb. 4th, 2016 07:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressHEY! Remember how last year I had the New Years "GO BIG BECAUSE WE AIN'T GOING HOME" list, and how I would make monthlyish updates?
And remember how this year I have the RESOLUSTRAVAGANZA list and I'm gonna make monthlyish updates?
It's okay if you don't remember. I do! Here's where things stand right now!
1) Keep writing my words. Yeah, so I fucked up twice in January? Which is especially fretful since I didn't complete or write my words, oh, only five times total in 2015? Yeeps. I have been "cheating" a lot too --using things I write for work (lesson plans, quizzen, assignments, etc) instead of writing new stuff. That is not great in terms of journaling.
Look kiddo, you feel substantially better if you're writing regularly. It's how you parse things, it's how you deal with things, it's how you bear the unspeakable difficulty of existence. That's a good thing! I'm glad you know what to do! But you have to fucking do it, no really.
One thing I'm trying to do more of is writing bits and pieces throughout the school day when I think of it --smaller updates on my mood. That helps. Writing about school is great. It's just when it becomes a long string of not really writing that I get worried. Take this thirty minute meditation every day, you need it.
2) Make 15 livejournal posts a month. Wow. That was, um, ambitious. I made five.
Like, I don't think there is a single damn thing wrong with this resolution, I just need to remember that I made it. LJ is awesome and I love it dearly. I like being able to update y'all on my life, and on things I'm thinking about. Let's see if we can do better here.
3) Back up my computer more often *closes the "back computer up now?" notification, coughs, makes shifty eyes*
I'll do it when I get home tonight, I swear.
4) Cull clothing from my closet Iiiii have been gradually and haphazardly tossing stuff into the "get rid of" pile on occasion, but not actually doing anything with that pile. Maybe I need to organize a clothing swap. Ugh, that sounds like work.
5) Track my bicycle milage Oo! Oo, I have been doing this! I have not necessarily been hooking the device up to the laptop and logging it in that way, but I have been using the milage tracker every time I go riding! Howzabout next update I give you the milage logs for January and February.
6) Go on a 50+ mile frivolous bike journey I'm pretty sure I don't expect myself to do this until the summer, so I'm not gonna worry about not having put any effort into planning it yet.
7) WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS ONE NOPE BYE
8) Have a steady job for the 2016-17 school year. So, I mean, three weeks ago I would've pretty much said I was golden to continue at my current job. There have been a LOT OF PERFORMANCE REVIEWS AND EXAMINATIONS OF EXPECTATIONS in the last few weeks. I am treating this as an adult treats adult things (ie, no one is my enemy, I am being given advice to be better at my job because my bosses think I can succeed, honestly, when it comes right down to it, a lot of this advice is really good too) but it's still terrifying and scary. I like this job a lot and do not want to lose it.
Anyways, hiring season tends to be March/April, for teachers. I'll definitely be polishing up my resume and actively looking roundabouts then.
(Notice how I hide the most significant life update from the last five weeks in the middle of a random silly post? Seriously, this has been taking a *lot* of time and energy as I try to Fix What I Have Fucked Up. I think ultimately it's a good thing, and I really do feel net positive about this job --and I say that from the middle of parent teacher conferences where I've had like eight parents come to yell at me (this is an exaggeration in all possible directions).)
9) 5 multiday non-dance events. I went to Arisia! I am...probably not going to GenCon. I am maybe going to NYFaerieFest because I am also maybe going to HOWARD COUNTY GIRL SCOUT DAY CAMP OHMYGODOHMYGOD. So I'm making good progress on this one.
10) 5 multiday dance events. So Flurry is the one that everyone's going to right now, but personally, I'm just trying to remember to fill out my Easthill paperwork. February while having job stress is a fucking terrible time to try and get to a festival where I have to suss out badge, hotel, food, and transport. Maybe some year I will do Flurry again, but *man* is it a lot of work.
11) Do well in my current job. The right answer to being told "so you're not meeting expectations" is to START WORKING EXTRA HARD TO MEET EXPECTATIONS. I feel incredibly stressed out and fearful that I'm gonna get fired any minute now and generally just scared and insecure BUT I also feel like I'm doing a really positive thing here and making really good lesson plans right now and generally serving my girls better than I was a month ago. I want to keep this up, I like this trend.
I've been tracking my time spent in work activities a little more, and it's not unreasonable for me to put in a 60 hour work week. Actual teaching only takes --47 minutes by 5 periods by 5 days-- about 20 hours a week. The rest of that is prep, grading, extra tutoring/help afterschool, and administrata (talking to parents, paperwork, etc).
There was a Cracked article once about how, when you find the job that is THE JOB, the one you love, putting in way way more than a 40 hour work week is not unusual or wrong. It's a mark that you're doing the right thing for you. Overall when it comes right down to it, I _love_ teaching, even with all the bullshit that comes alongside it, and I especially love teaching here, where I have a little more freedom than I do in the public schools. I am happy.
This isn't the Dream Job1, but it's maybe 2 steps below it on the career ladder. Substituting was about 18. This is such an improvement in my life from a year ago, and I am so so happy to be experiencing it.
Of course, it does mean I am becoming that boring person who talks about work all the time and also goes to sleep regularly at 10PM because ughhhh.
12) Give more presents. I gave a really wonderful rhinestone mask to my friend Iz at Arisia! She really really loved it, and I can't wait to see what her brilliantly creative self makes to wear with it. Yay!
13) Give more presence. Iiiii have mostly not been doing this, but I did have an inexplicable night where I felt the need to leave like five comments in Sovay's journal (mostly squeeing about Despicable Me). Anyways, it's difficult to balance "never being online" with "using social media socially".
14) Fix internet addiction. *shrugs* I posted about how, during midterm creation time, I basically stopped doing everything except work --including internet (Yay!) and sleep (nooo!). It was a good proof of concept. Now I just need to do it a little more moderately and thoughtfully. We'll see.
15) Cull emails. No one has inbox zero anymore, no one. No one. Right?
16) Plan my weddings. Oooo, right, I forgot I was supposed to work on this. No progress. I should make some posts about it (see point 2!)
17) Spend a month on the west coast. No progress. Flights proved to be prohibitavely expensive for February break (goddamnit) so I'll be out to California in April instead (ughhhhh. I mean, yay, I'm excited for it, but April is much further away than, you know, a week from now.)
18) Make it to Highland three times a month. GEE. I SURE DID GO TO HIGHLAND YESTERDAY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TWO MONTHS. Yeah, that's awful. I need to be more serious, because I do enjoy it.
19) Craft three things. But making stuff is haaaaaaard!
How're your goals of the time period coming along?
~Sor
MOOP!
1: Among other problems, the Dream Job currently isn't, due to interpersonal conflict that has nothing to do with it whatsoever. That is not something I'm willing to talk about publicly, especially because I haven't had a chance to work on that conflict. But there are other iterations of the Dream Job somewhere, I'm sure.
And remember how this year I have the RESOLUSTRAVAGANZA list and I'm gonna make monthlyish updates?
It's okay if you don't remember. I do! Here's where things stand right now!
1) Keep writing my words. Yeah, so I fucked up twice in January? Which is especially fretful since I didn't complete or write my words, oh, only five times total in 2015? Yeeps. I have been "cheating" a lot too --using things I write for work (lesson plans, quizzen, assignments, etc) instead of writing new stuff. That is not great in terms of journaling.
Look kiddo, you feel substantially better if you're writing regularly. It's how you parse things, it's how you deal with things, it's how you bear the unspeakable difficulty of existence. That's a good thing! I'm glad you know what to do! But you have to fucking do it, no really.
One thing I'm trying to do more of is writing bits and pieces throughout the school day when I think of it --smaller updates on my mood. That helps. Writing about school is great. It's just when it becomes a long string of not really writing that I get worried. Take this thirty minute meditation every day, you need it.
2) Make 15 livejournal posts a month. Wow. That was, um, ambitious. I made five.
Like, I don't think there is a single damn thing wrong with this resolution, I just need to remember that I made it. LJ is awesome and I love it dearly. I like being able to update y'all on my life, and on things I'm thinking about. Let's see if we can do better here.
3) Back up my computer more often *closes the "back computer up now?" notification, coughs, makes shifty eyes*
I'll do it when I get home tonight, I swear.
4) Cull clothing from my closet Iiiii have been gradually and haphazardly tossing stuff into the "get rid of" pile on occasion, but not actually doing anything with that pile. Maybe I need to organize a clothing swap. Ugh, that sounds like work.
5) Track my bicycle milage Oo! Oo, I have been doing this! I have not necessarily been hooking the device up to the laptop and logging it in that way, but I have been using the milage tracker every time I go riding! Howzabout next update I give you the milage logs for January and February.
6) Go on a 50+ mile frivolous bike journey I'm pretty sure I don't expect myself to do this until the summer, so I'm not gonna worry about not having put any effort into planning it yet.
7) WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS ONE NOPE BYE
8) Have a steady job for the 2016-17 school year. So, I mean, three weeks ago I would've pretty much said I was golden to continue at my current job. There have been a LOT OF PERFORMANCE REVIEWS AND EXAMINATIONS OF EXPECTATIONS in the last few weeks. I am treating this as an adult treats adult things (ie, no one is my enemy, I am being given advice to be better at my job because my bosses think I can succeed, honestly, when it comes right down to it, a lot of this advice is really good too) but it's still terrifying and scary. I like this job a lot and do not want to lose it.
Anyways, hiring season tends to be March/April, for teachers. I'll definitely be polishing up my resume and actively looking roundabouts then.
(Notice how I hide the most significant life update from the last five weeks in the middle of a random silly post? Seriously, this has been taking a *lot* of time and energy as I try to Fix What I Have Fucked Up. I think ultimately it's a good thing, and I really do feel net positive about this job --and I say that from the middle of parent teacher conferences where I've had like eight parents come to yell at me (this is an exaggeration in all possible directions).)
9) 5 multiday non-dance events. I went to Arisia! I am...probably not going to GenCon. I am maybe going to NYFaerieFest because I am also maybe going to HOWARD COUNTY GIRL SCOUT DAY CAMP OHMYGODOHMYGOD. So I'm making good progress on this one.
10) 5 multiday dance events. So Flurry is the one that everyone's going to right now, but personally, I'm just trying to remember to fill out my Easthill paperwork. February while having job stress is a fucking terrible time to try and get to a festival where I have to suss out badge, hotel, food, and transport. Maybe some year I will do Flurry again, but *man* is it a lot of work.
11) Do well in my current job. The right answer to being told "so you're not meeting expectations" is to START WORKING EXTRA HARD TO MEET EXPECTATIONS. I feel incredibly stressed out and fearful that I'm gonna get fired any minute now and generally just scared and insecure BUT I also feel like I'm doing a really positive thing here and making really good lesson plans right now and generally serving my girls better than I was a month ago. I want to keep this up, I like this trend.
I've been tracking my time spent in work activities a little more, and it's not unreasonable for me to put in a 60 hour work week. Actual teaching only takes --47 minutes by 5 periods by 5 days-- about 20 hours a week. The rest of that is prep, grading, extra tutoring/help afterschool, and administrata (talking to parents, paperwork, etc).
There was a Cracked article once about how, when you find the job that is THE JOB, the one you love, putting in way way more than a 40 hour work week is not unusual or wrong. It's a mark that you're doing the right thing for you. Overall when it comes right down to it, I _love_ teaching, even with all the bullshit that comes alongside it, and I especially love teaching here, where I have a little more freedom than I do in the public schools. I am happy.
This isn't the Dream Job1, but it's maybe 2 steps below it on the career ladder. Substituting was about 18. This is such an improvement in my life from a year ago, and I am so so happy to be experiencing it.
Of course, it does mean I am becoming that boring person who talks about work all the time and also goes to sleep regularly at 10PM because ughhhh.
12) Give more presents. I gave a really wonderful rhinestone mask to my friend Iz at Arisia! She really really loved it, and I can't wait to see what her brilliantly creative self makes to wear with it. Yay!
13) Give more presence. Iiiii have mostly not been doing this, but I did have an inexplicable night where I felt the need to leave like five comments in Sovay's journal (mostly squeeing about Despicable Me). Anyways, it's difficult to balance "never being online" with "using social media socially".
14) Fix internet addiction. *shrugs* I posted about how, during midterm creation time, I basically stopped doing everything except work --including internet (Yay!) and sleep (nooo!). It was a good proof of concept. Now I just need to do it a little more moderately and thoughtfully. We'll see.
15) Cull emails. No one has inbox zero anymore, no one. No one. Right?
16) Plan my weddings. Oooo, right, I forgot I was supposed to work on this. No progress. I should make some posts about it (see point 2!)
17) Spend a month on the west coast. No progress. Flights proved to be prohibitavely expensive for February break (goddamnit) so I'll be out to California in April instead (ughhhhh. I mean, yay, I'm excited for it, but April is much further away than, you know, a week from now.)
18) Make it to Highland three times a month. GEE. I SURE DID GO TO HIGHLAND YESTERDAY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TWO MONTHS. Yeah, that's awful. I need to be more serious, because I do enjoy it.
19) Craft three things. But making stuff is haaaaaaard!
How're your goals of the time period coming along?
~Sor
MOOP!
1: Among other problems, the Dream Job currently isn't, due to interpersonal conflict that has nothing to do with it whatsoever. That is not something I'm willing to talk about publicly, especially because I haven't had a chance to work on that conflict. But there are other iterations of the Dream Job somewhere, I'm sure.