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Sep. 12th, 2015 02:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressI am having a cleaning day. It's the sort of day where I have declared myself belonging to the Spider Monarch. Their immediate dictate was simple: no electronics of any sort, at any point.
This is not entirely reasonable, not even *with* the number of books I have to read right now, so I bartered. The deal we struck was this: For every thirty minutes I spent cleaning, I could later spend ten minutes using something electronic. I could not start the electronicing until I had at least an hour saved up, which is why it's three in the afternoon and I'm only just turning on Kela.
(I was free to spend as much time as I wanted in non-electronic pursuits, which is how I've managed to go from chapter 7 to chapter 20 in my copy of Half-Off Ragnarok, but that's not as productive as housecleaning, and therefore doesn't earn me any points.)
Anyways, I could also earn ten point bonuses, every time I finished1 a load of laundry. And, I found out, I got one extra bonus just now. Because of what I found and cleaned up.
I think it was a dead mouse.
I say "think" because the second time2 I picked it up, I did so wearing vinyl gloves, and wrapping it in a paper towel so I could not get a closer look. It's in the kitchen trash, I could go investigate and look closer if I really wanted to. I do not think I want to.
I am phobic of mice.
I have two mild phobias that I have identified, both of which apply here. The first is that I cannot stand things that *skitter*. That movement used by mice, rats, cockroaches makes me freeze in place when I catch it out the side of my eye. I have to actively calm myself before I can move again. If it would be feasible to do so, I will sit on a chair or table.
The second I've identified is I dread things with tiny little teeth and claws. I won't hold any rodents, rats, guinea pigs, *hamsters* all apply here. I've done more work with (unofficial) aversion therapy here, when I have friends with ratties I will ask to hold them. I am steadily growing fond of that particular species, all else still makes me fret in my hindbrain that quite soon they will gnaw off my ankles and once I fall, devour the rest of me. *shudders*
Apparently I have another, deeper, phobia that applies strictly to mice, because *neither of those apply in this case*. It was not skittering, I could not freeze at its movement. It was not alive, it was desiccated such that I couldn't even tell the teeth and claws particularly. But no, it was, in all likelihood, a mouse --we've had scramblings in the walls, and droppings in the pantry3 and something is eating the peanut butter off the traps. It was a mouse, and it was dead, and it was in my room.
I am shaking. Over ten minutes later, and I cannot stop myself from feeling panicked and shaking. I do not like this feeling. I do not like anything that feels like a lack of control in my own mind. I have put too much work into myself to let something *else* control me.
(I am a Slytherin. When I was a child, first reading the books as they came out, the idea was abhorrent --no one *good* would be in Slytherin. As I have grown, I have come to two conclusions: First, that's not true, manipulative and ambitious is not the same as evil. And second, Good Girls Aren't Here and I most decidedly am.)
So that's today's adventure. I am going to fuck around and look at comics and import some music and otherwise relax for another thirty-forty minutes or so. Then I will read more of my book and work more on my room.
And pray to all gods that I don't find another one. Or another after that. I am a powerful beast (I could have begged Tricia to clean it up for me, I didn't. I did ask how her day was, at least, and had her mood been exquisite, I may have.) and I will continue to be a powerful beast, but there's only so hard I want to be tested.
Do one thing every day that scares you. :/
~Sor
MOOP!
1: Those in the UFYH know will understand that by finish, I mean wash, dry, *and* put away. So the box of clean clothes sitting on my floor means nothing to me just yet. I'll get to it soon, I promise.
2: The first time I picked it up, I thought it was a giant clump of dust and hair and detritus. "Ew, how did this get he--WHY IS IT CRUNCHY" and I dropped it. I am smart, and capable, and able to get four when I put two and two together. I went to the kitchen and scrubbed my hands and dried them and put on gloves before I touched it again. My hands still feel wrong.
3: Both of which have decreased sharply since the start of the summer, between putting all the food away in boxes and having an exterminator in.
This is not entirely reasonable, not even *with* the number of books I have to read right now, so I bartered. The deal we struck was this: For every thirty minutes I spent cleaning, I could later spend ten minutes using something electronic. I could not start the electronicing until I had at least an hour saved up, which is why it's three in the afternoon and I'm only just turning on Kela.
(I was free to spend as much time as I wanted in non-electronic pursuits, which is how I've managed to go from chapter 7 to chapter 20 in my copy of Half-Off Ragnarok, but that's not as productive as housecleaning, and therefore doesn't earn me any points.)
Anyways, I could also earn ten point bonuses, every time I finished1 a load of laundry. And, I found out, I got one extra bonus just now. Because of what I found and cleaned up.
I think it was a dead mouse.
I say "think" because the second time2 I picked it up, I did so wearing vinyl gloves, and wrapping it in a paper towel so I could not get a closer look. It's in the kitchen trash, I could go investigate and look closer if I really wanted to. I do not think I want to.
I am phobic of mice.
I have two mild phobias that I have identified, both of which apply here. The first is that I cannot stand things that *skitter*. That movement used by mice, rats, cockroaches makes me freeze in place when I catch it out the side of my eye. I have to actively calm myself before I can move again. If it would be feasible to do so, I will sit on a chair or table.
The second I've identified is I dread things with tiny little teeth and claws. I won't hold any rodents, rats, guinea pigs, *hamsters* all apply here. I've done more work with (unofficial) aversion therapy here, when I have friends with ratties I will ask to hold them. I am steadily growing fond of that particular species, all else still makes me fret in my hindbrain that quite soon they will gnaw off my ankles and once I fall, devour the rest of me. *shudders*
Apparently I have another, deeper, phobia that applies strictly to mice, because *neither of those apply in this case*. It was not skittering, I could not freeze at its movement. It was not alive, it was desiccated such that I couldn't even tell the teeth and claws particularly. But no, it was, in all likelihood, a mouse --we've had scramblings in the walls, and droppings in the pantry3 and something is eating the peanut butter off the traps. It was a mouse, and it was dead, and it was in my room.
I am shaking. Over ten minutes later, and I cannot stop myself from feeling panicked and shaking. I do not like this feeling. I do not like anything that feels like a lack of control in my own mind. I have put too much work into myself to let something *else* control me.
(I am a Slytherin. When I was a child, first reading the books as they came out, the idea was abhorrent --no one *good* would be in Slytherin. As I have grown, I have come to two conclusions: First, that's not true, manipulative and ambitious is not the same as evil. And second, Good Girls Aren't Here and I most decidedly am.)
So that's today's adventure. I am going to fuck around and look at comics and import some music and otherwise relax for another thirty-forty minutes or so. Then I will read more of my book and work more on my room.
And pray to all gods that I don't find another one. Or another after that. I am a powerful beast (I could have begged Tricia to clean it up for me, I didn't. I did ask how her day was, at least, and had her mood been exquisite, I may have.) and I will continue to be a powerful beast, but there's only so hard I want to be tested.
Do one thing every day that scares you. :/
~Sor
MOOP!
1: Those in the UFYH know will understand that by finish, I mean wash, dry, *and* put away. So the box of clean clothes sitting on my floor means nothing to me just yet. I'll get to it soon, I promise.
2: The first time I picked it up, I thought it was a giant clump of dust and hair and detritus. "Ew, how did this get he--WHY IS IT CRUNCHY" and I dropped it. I am smart, and capable, and able to get four when I put two and two together. I went to the kitchen and scrubbed my hands and dried them and put on gloves before I touched it again. My hands still feel wrong.
3: Both of which have decreased sharply since the start of the summer, between putting all the food away in boxes and having an exterminator in.
no subject
on 2015-09-13 03:18 am (UTC)Sorry. I know that was a frog, and that I probably just made you cringe (truly sorry about that), but I couldn't help making the association in my head.
In our experience, a way to keep mice out of your domicile is to mix chili powder with dish soap and paint the stuff around anywhere you think the mice might be getting in. I'm glad you've also found other ways of deterring them. It must creep you out to hear them in the walls, though -- I lived in a place like that once, and it was pretty bad and I don't think I have a phobia.