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Dec. 7th, 2011 06:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressMad sociologist time1! I want you to read the essay under this line: (ETA: It is not written by me)
""
Here's an essay on the subject of sexuality. More than a few f-bombs in it, so maybe NSFW.
I'm just not into chicks. I thought about it and just couldn't see a situation where I'd want to be in a relationship with a girl, or even be turned on enough to make out with one... It just didn't work for me, so I never pursued it.
Men on the other hand? YOWZA!!! Talk about getting my motor running...
So, I've only ever pursued sexual relationships with guys, mostly because I realized I wanted to fuck them, and I've had a modicum of success with that, though admittedly not as much as I'd like.
Of course, I'm just as likely to want to hang out as make out. It's not that I don't have a sex drive, so much as there are lots of things that I like to do that are fun but don't involve having sex.
I like movies (especially the kind where a lot of shit blows up!) and video games and music and roller coasters and coffee. I have an education and a day-job that actually pays decently. I like hanging out with my friends. I have a family who loves me despite sometimes being comically disfunctional. I like sushi and pizza and eating food that takes more effort to prepare than just nuking it. I have an interest in (but an extreme distaste for) politics... and I try my hand at various "trendy" hobbies every so often. (and sometimes I even stick with it after the trend dies...)
But my sex life (or "love life" if you will...) has only ever been a small part of my whole life. I admit part of that is because I'm far from the impossible "ideal" you see in the media. Plus, I'm kind of picky, since I actually like to get to know someone at least a little before heading to bed with them... and I strongly prefer having relationships to meaningless flings. (Though I admit it took having a couple of those to realize that.)
I used to think this was normal: You have your hobbies and interests and responsibilities and your sex life as part of the whole jumble of awesomeness and flaws that makes you who you are.
See, there's just so much more to my identity than who I like to fuck, want to fuck, used to fuck in the past, am currently fucking, or may fuck in the future.
However, I'm not the most socially clued-in person in the world, so maybe I'm being quaintly prudish by not talking about or thinking about or engaging in some aspect of my sex life 24/7. Sometimes, I'd rather talk about a movie I saw, or a concert I went to, or my latest "gastronomic adventure", or another hobby of mine that only has a sexual component to it because of rule 34...
Basically, what I'm saying is this: Not everything I say or do is about my sex life. There's way more to "me" than what I do (or don't do) with my genitals. And I don't see why anyone's sex life has to be such a big deal, as long as everyone involved is of-age and consenting. It's not like I'm doing it out in the streets to frighten the horses or anything. (I'm paraphrasing here, but if you're on the internet, you've heard the quote.)
Discretion is the better part of valor, after all... In fact, this essay is the most I've directly said about my sex life in probably my whole life.
So, why does it seem to be the only part of "me" that exists to some people? It's not like they're going to be directly involved in my "love life", after all. Hell, if they didn't ask, they probably wouldn't even be aware that I even have sex... It's not like there's some neon sign hanging over my head saying "I fuck dudes!!!"
Oh, and I also tend to fall in love with them. Sounds corny, but it's true. (It's also why I have trouble with "meaningless" flings) Someday, I want to find a man I'm really compatible with and get married to him. We'd live our lives together and eventually grow old together. Maybe we'd raise a family, maybe we'd just raise a little hell, who knows? (It's not like I've met him yet...)
So why make such a huge deal about such a small part of my life? Admittedly it's not an insignifigant part, but it's certainly far from my entire identity...
My life is about so much more than sex... Isn't everybody's?
""
Now for the part I'm really interested in. I have lots of friends, from lots of online places, and they come in a whole host of interesting sexualities. For the purposes of research, what gender did you assume the author to be? Do your opinions on that change if you read it again?
Theoretically, I'll post results in a couple weeks, except I think we've proven from my previous attempts at using the internet for SCIENCE that it will never actually happen. Have interesting discussion among yourselves instead.
(And if you find where I grabbed this from, no cheating and revealing the author. I'll let them do that later, if they feel comfortable.)
~Sor
MOOP!
1: Technically I want to be a mad psychologist. This is why I shouldn't ever have children, I will totally just use them to _test things_.
(Arg! Second failed crosspost in two days. I am cranky about this and might have to investigate fixing it somehow. dreamwidth post here)
""
Here's an essay on the subject of sexuality. More than a few f-bombs in it, so maybe NSFW.
I'm just not into chicks. I thought about it and just couldn't see a situation where I'd want to be in a relationship with a girl, or even be turned on enough to make out with one... It just didn't work for me, so I never pursued it.
Men on the other hand? YOWZA!!! Talk about getting my motor running...
So, I've only ever pursued sexual relationships with guys, mostly because I realized I wanted to fuck them, and I've had a modicum of success with that, though admittedly not as much as I'd like.
Of course, I'm just as likely to want to hang out as make out. It's not that I don't have a sex drive, so much as there are lots of things that I like to do that are fun but don't involve having sex.
I like movies (especially the kind where a lot of shit blows up!) and video games and music and roller coasters and coffee. I have an education and a day-job that actually pays decently. I like hanging out with my friends. I have a family who loves me despite sometimes being comically disfunctional. I like sushi and pizza and eating food that takes more effort to prepare than just nuking it. I have an interest in (but an extreme distaste for) politics... and I try my hand at various "trendy" hobbies every so often. (and sometimes I even stick with it after the trend dies...)
But my sex life (or "love life" if you will...) has only ever been a small part of my whole life. I admit part of that is because I'm far from the impossible "ideal" you see in the media. Plus, I'm kind of picky, since I actually like to get to know someone at least a little before heading to bed with them... and I strongly prefer having relationships to meaningless flings. (Though I admit it took having a couple of those to realize that.)
I used to think this was normal: You have your hobbies and interests and responsibilities and your sex life as part of the whole jumble of awesomeness and flaws that makes you who you are.
See, there's just so much more to my identity than who I like to fuck, want to fuck, used to fuck in the past, am currently fucking, or may fuck in the future.
However, I'm not the most socially clued-in person in the world, so maybe I'm being quaintly prudish by not talking about or thinking about or engaging in some aspect of my sex life 24/7. Sometimes, I'd rather talk about a movie I saw, or a concert I went to, or my latest "gastronomic adventure", or another hobby of mine that only has a sexual component to it because of rule 34...
Basically, what I'm saying is this: Not everything I say or do is about my sex life. There's way more to "me" than what I do (or don't do) with my genitals. And I don't see why anyone's sex life has to be such a big deal, as long as everyone involved is of-age and consenting. It's not like I'm doing it out in the streets to frighten the horses or anything. (I'm paraphrasing here, but if you're on the internet, you've heard the quote.)
Discretion is the better part of valor, after all... In fact, this essay is the most I've directly said about my sex life in probably my whole life.
So, why does it seem to be the only part of "me" that exists to some people? It's not like they're going to be directly involved in my "love life", after all. Hell, if they didn't ask, they probably wouldn't even be aware that I even have sex... It's not like there's some neon sign hanging over my head saying "I fuck dudes!!!"
Oh, and I also tend to fall in love with them. Sounds corny, but it's true. (It's also why I have trouble with "meaningless" flings) Someday, I want to find a man I'm really compatible with and get married to him. We'd live our lives together and eventually grow old together. Maybe we'd raise a family, maybe we'd just raise a little hell, who knows? (It's not like I've met him yet...)
So why make such a huge deal about such a small part of my life? Admittedly it's not an insignifigant part, but it's certainly far from my entire identity...
My life is about so much more than sex... Isn't everybody's?
""
Now for the part I'm really interested in. I have lots of friends, from lots of online places, and they come in a whole host of interesting sexualities. For the purposes of research, what gender did you assume the author to be? Do your opinions on that change if you read it again?
Theoretically, I'll post results in a couple weeks, except I think we've proven from my previous attempts at using the internet for SCIENCE that it will never actually happen. Have interesting discussion among yourselves instead.
(And if you find where I grabbed this from, no cheating and revealing the author. I'll let them do that later, if they feel comfortable.)
~Sor
MOOP!
1: Technically I want to be a mad psychologist. This is why I shouldn't ever have children, I will totally just use them to _test things_.
(Arg! Second failed crosspost in two days. I am cranky about this and might have to investigate fixing it somehow. dreamwidth post here)
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no subject
on 2011-12-09 04:32 am (UTC)Because I get to exercise White Male Privilege, I started the essay with the assumption that the author was male. But there are a number of word/phrasing choices that are pretty exclusive to females, so I'm going with the author as female.
The big giveaway is the first paragraph. There's no place in America that's far enough away from stupid that a male could grow up gay quite that innocently (which makes me sad, and work towards a US where that would be possible). Unless any reference about growing up gay was stripped out, this was written by a straight female.
Why not someone who is intersex? Again, back to the fact that there's no mention of having to deal with being intersex. Hard to talk about one's sex drive and sexual activity (especially the difficult parts!) without hitting the elephant in the room.