Adventures in Cooking
Jan. 5th, 2011 11:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressMy usual preface: I don't cook, and any evidence to the contrary has probably been invented by the government to confuse you. On a totally unrelated note, I made a roux yesterday. It was terrifying, but somehow did not explode, so I count it as a success.
So, there's about one thing in the world that I actually consider myself to be able to cook. I call it "eggs etc", and I can teach you how to cook it too!
Get a frying pan
Get a bowl
Put the insides1, 2 of some eggs into the bowl
Put some milk and some teriyaki sauce and some cheese and basically anything else you have lying around the kitchen into the bowl
Mix
Dump the bowl into the frying pan. You can actually add the etc at this step if you want.
Ham is pretty good. So is broccoli
Cook over low heat3
Keep cooking and stirring with a spatula or something until the egg bits are pretty solid
Put it on a plate and eat.
Brilliant recipe, right? The best part is that you can make it with basically anything in your kitchen that tastes good with eggs. Every ingredient I mentioned above is optional.
Including, as I learned tonight, the eggs. I had a can of sliced potatoes (expired in July of 2008, so if I die, I'd start by blaming that) and no eggs. Ergo, I made "Eggs etc without eggs".
Ingredients included butter and canola oil, to give me a little bit of frying ability, the aforementioned deadly potatoes, some Melting Pot garlic powder etc, and some Crazy Jane's mixed up salt. Oh, and teriyaki sauce. That's like crucial to making things in the frying pan.
It was okay. I ate about two-thirds of it4 --a little too much salt. Also, the potatoes weren't very good to start, so, you know. That. I will either finish it later or ruthfully6 cheat and send them down the drain for reasons of not wanting them.
So, notes for the future:
Eggs etc should contain eggs.
Also, the fridge in the empty city should contain eggs.
Woot.
~Sor
MOOP!
1: As in, everything but the shells
2: Crack eggs on flat surfaces --it won't drive bits of eggshell into the soft gooey stuff. Thanks Alton!
3: Thanks Vienna
4: Mr Belm's second law of the kitchen5: Eat all the leftovers. Mr Belm's third law of the kitchen: If you ruin a dish, you still have to eat it. Burnt or improperly seasoned food is a powerful motivator to improve.
5: As well as Mr Belm's Laws of the Kitchen (which should technically be the Belm Culinary Laboratory Rules for Learning to Cook), my brain also has Chris's first law of cooking (Wash the knife immediately after using, dry it, and put it straight away. Knives are too good for dishwashers or soaking) and Chris's second law of cooking (Pans are a lot easier to clean when they're still hot).
There are probably other rules I'm not remembering --there's certainly a Belm-based rule of using knuckles when cutting vegetables such to not chop off fingers-- but that's the stuff I more or less live by in the kitchen.
6: It is impossible for me to be ruthless.
So, there's about one thing in the world that I actually consider myself to be able to cook. I call it "eggs etc", and I can teach you how to cook it too!
Get a frying pan
Get a bowl
Put the insides1, 2 of some eggs into the bowl
Put some milk and some teriyaki sauce and some cheese and basically anything else you have lying around the kitchen into the bowl
Mix
Dump the bowl into the frying pan. You can actually add the etc at this step if you want.
Ham is pretty good. So is broccoli
Cook over low heat3
Keep cooking and stirring with a spatula or something until the egg bits are pretty solid
Put it on a plate and eat.
Brilliant recipe, right? The best part is that you can make it with basically anything in your kitchen that tastes good with eggs. Every ingredient I mentioned above is optional.
Including, as I learned tonight, the eggs. I had a can of sliced potatoes (expired in July of 2008, so if I die, I'd start by blaming that) and no eggs. Ergo, I made "Eggs etc without eggs".
Ingredients included butter and canola oil, to give me a little bit of frying ability, the aforementioned deadly potatoes, some Melting Pot garlic powder etc, and some Crazy Jane's mixed up salt. Oh, and teriyaki sauce. That's like crucial to making things in the frying pan.
It was okay. I ate about two-thirds of it4 --a little too much salt. Also, the potatoes weren't very good to start, so, you know. That. I will either finish it later or ruthfully6 cheat and send them down the drain for reasons of not wanting them.
So, notes for the future:
Eggs etc should contain eggs.
Also, the fridge in the empty city should contain eggs.
Woot.
~Sor
MOOP!
1: As in, everything but the shells
2: Crack eggs on flat surfaces --it won't drive bits of eggshell into the soft gooey stuff. Thanks Alton!
3: Thanks Vienna
4: Mr Belm's second law of the kitchen5: Eat all the leftovers. Mr Belm's third law of the kitchen: If you ruin a dish, you still have to eat it. Burnt or improperly seasoned food is a powerful motivator to improve.
5: As well as Mr Belm's Laws of the Kitchen (which should technically be the Belm Culinary Laboratory Rules for Learning to Cook), my brain also has Chris's first law of cooking (Wash the knife immediately after using, dry it, and put it straight away. Knives are too good for dishwashers or soaking) and Chris's second law of cooking (Pans are a lot easier to clean when they're still hot).
There are probably other rules I'm not remembering --there's certainly a Belm-based rule of using knuckles when cutting vegetables such to not chop off fingers-- but that's the stuff I more or less live by in the kitchen.
6: It is impossible for me to be ruthless.