Cleaning up my desktop --I always find SOMETHING!

[sorcyress]

A/N: The events and things and thoughts and feelings leading up to this particular thoughtstream have been sorted out and reasoned with and talked over and etc. In short, please don't read too deeply into this post, I'm not trying to put it out there as a hint to anyone*, it is merely some words that I think sound good strung together.

***

8/Dec/2k7

There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked.
It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance
(Credit: 'Sing', Dresden Dolls)

***

I have had a theory for some time now that the world would be an easier place to live in if people just went ahead and told each other that they loved them and liked them and wanted to get in their pants.

No seriously. Stop beating around the bush, just go up to the beautiful boy, girl, person, whatever and grab them by the shoulders and tell them you're mad for them. Snog them thoroughly, and even if they freak out, at least you can say you tried.

There is, however, one problem with this theory. Friendship, and friendship privileges.

Friendship privileges? I hear you ask skeptically. Considering I only just coined the term, I'm not suprised you've never heard of it. What they are, are all the things that people let you do to them, because they think your feelings for them are purely platonic.

An example: I am realitively unbody-shy, solong as I am in a group of friends. I will change shirts, or pants, or whatever without a second thought. The second that I suspect someone in the group has a sexual or romantic interest in me, that immodesty ceases. The ability to see my tits is a privilege relegated purely to people that I trust, and that I feel I have a purely platonic relationship with.**

There are other examples, of course. I will grab my platonic friends hands and drag them around, which I won't do with people who I believe are interested in me. A good reverse example is me and Chris right after we 'broke up'. We were still friends, and acting much the same, but it took months for him to give me a "good" hug (long and warm and *sigh*).

The fundemental reason for all these examples is the idea that we don't want to lead people on. If I am not interested in someone, and I know they're interested in me, I will do my best to not treat them as if I am interested in them. Mixed signals are Bad.

So. There are friendship privileges. And if the object of your affections realizes that you fancy them, you won't get as many friendship privileges with them.

This, I believe, is part of why people have such trouble confessing interest to one another. If you are enjoying all sorts of privileges with a friend ("Why of course Veronica, I'd *love* to watch you try on bras!") you're going to be loathe to do anything to jepordize those privileges. Unfortunately, one of the things you can do to jepordize your position is to tell people that you fancy them.

And, of course, there's always the hope that your friend is actually mad for you as well. Should that happen, your friendship privileges generally turn into dating privileges, which tend to be better.

But there is the ultimate problem. It's an analysis of risks --is it better to risk the privileges that you already have in the hopes of getting better privileges, or should you just let it all lay and accept what you've got?

As for me, I tend to be horrible at telling people when I want to stoink*** them. It's the whole bravery thing, paired with my intense internal fear of rejection. That and I *really* like certain privileges I get from people who assume I'm not mad for them. (See: Any play ever, and the fact that actors just kinda arbitrarily change their clothes.)

~Sor
MOOP!

*...anymore.
**This may be less true than I think. I'm not sure how body shy I am at the moment, it tends to vary across a long range, even within the same people.
***Well, technically, I don't want to stoink anybody. Replace with snog/date/pet as appropriate.

Not private because I'm better than that.

Comments

[macaroniandtuna.livejournal.com]

So I see. :P

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Hey, I've been keeping up with all the e-mails sent to me in the past three hours or so! It's a start, damnit!

~Sor

[macaroniandtuna.livejournal.com]

Yes, I see that too. How many emails do you get in a day? It sounds like you've gotten dozens in three hours.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

In the two hours and fourty five minutes it's been today, I've gotten eleven e-mails. All but one of those, however, were livejournal saying people had commented in response to my comments.

So not quite a dozen. :D

I get probably between ten and twenty e-mails a day. Most of it's elljay stufu and the like --I don't really get real honest to god e-mails from cool people more often than about twice a week or so. If I started sending them again, I might be able to boost this number, but...meh.

~Sor

[macaroniandtuna.livejournal.com]

Well that's not too bad. I usually get 10-12 overnight, and deciding whether to read, put off til later, or delete them takes all of five minutes. ::shrug::

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

I think the big thing is just that it's highly dependent on how much e-mail I'm sending, and how much livejournalling I'm doing.

~Sor

[macaroniandtuna.livejournal.com]

Ahh. See it's rare for me to send any email, I mostly just receive it. LJ is a constant for me. It's like my lifeblood or something. LJvampire or something. I dunno.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

I send actual e-mails occasionally. When I do, I often get responses and stuff.

Elljay is always there for me, but I'm kinda irregular in how active I am about posting and reading other people's stuff.

~Sor