(no subject)

[sorcyress]

I spent FAR too long typing this up, and I'm going to regret this in the morning.

Wow, and for once, I haven't even set foot in the bar.

Hey wait a minute...theres no bar tonight! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Right, back to this.

A dissertation on high school relationships, in response to my highly cynical writings of ninth grade, from someone who's now actually been there.

Relationships¹. You STILL don't need one to be happy. That hasn't changed. There is more to life then being hooked. There is friendship and life and studying and school and goals and hopes and dreams andmost of those have nothing to do with being hooked, and they shouldn't depend on being hooked.

However, I will not begrudge acting on your crushes anymore. One non-existnent and ultimitly failed relationship and one stll going wonderfully non-failing relationship later, I've come to realize that being hooked is, in fact, a Nice Thing. (But not a nessecary one) Yes, theres pain, and isolation, and lonliness when it ends, not to mention the automatic deep-set hatread you have for the next girl, epecially if you were 'dumped' for her², but that all fades after a while. And then you can be happy, and friends, and go to Camporee-prom and invent several dozen new uses for your towel.

Well, ok, thats only if you're a girl scout.

Who went to Camporee-prom.

Ok, fine, thats me and Veronica. But thats besides the point.³

Anyway, now that I'm wildly off-topic, lets steer our way back.

Relationships.

At the high school level definently, and at the college level probably, they should be highly nonsexual.

HIGHLY nonsexual.

That means, amoung other things, you really shouldn't have sex. And, in setting the tone for the rest of this rant with the use of a specific example, you REALLY shouldn't stoink freshman. Hell, let me rephrase that. Don't stoink freshmen. They're FOURTEEN! They're FROSH!! Are you so damn desperate for cock that you'll border on being a CHILD MOLESTER?!

Sorry, lost my cool there. But really, if you're going to date a freshman, don't have sex with him. Oddly enough, thats probably why his mother doesn't want him to see you. And if rumour mill is true, and you're cheating on the freshman you're stoinking...well...just...wow.

Back to my earlier point about acting on crushes: That means asking them to be you're SO and then being all 'Yay!!' and cuddling and snogging ocassionally and, on the whole, not actually having sex. And yes, if I've found a situation where the romantic tension is FAR too high, and it's completely obvious that the two people are only not asking each other to go out because they're scared of being rejected, and you two have already made out at least once already without getting together, then of COURSE I'll matchmake you together. idiots!⁴

And no, that wasn't a specific example. Much.

So yes, I've become a matchmaker. Who doesn't believe in high school relationships. And is tangled in one.

This essay is FAR too difficult to write. I think I've lost my touch. Damn you Blue! Damn you for destroying all my cynical people hating rantness with mellow happy places! No wait, thats good. Shite...

Alright, enough of trying to write essays. I have some more ranty goodness. And yes, these are specific examples from my life. Unfortunately.

Rant one: General Human Politeness:
Do not dump the girl you're with and get together with another girl the next day. Perhaps I should repeat that. Do NOT dump the girl you're with and get together with another girl THE NEXT DAY! If you're dumping someone for someone else, A) don't tell them that, as thats shitty, B) don't let them realize that by being with the someone else at a big public event where you're GOING to see each other, as thats shitty, and C) allow a cooling off period of at least two weeks before hooking up with someone else. Hooking up with someone the next day is just really horrible shitty of you. REALLY horrible shitty. It makes your ex sad, and her friends pissed at you. And trust me -word will spread. We girls have a secret girl network, and her friends will DEFINENTLY learn what happened, and, if they were friends of yours, they will most likely begin immediately reviewing your 'friend' status. Meaning you might get downgraded from 'friend' to 'dick I only put up with because I have to.' And thats not cool.

Rant two: General Couple Politness:
There is nothing, NOTHING worse⁵ then being in a big group of people and you're the only one without your SO hanging on your arm.

Sorry, let me rephrase that. There is nothing worse then being in a group of people and being the only onewho's not busy frantically snogging your SO.

I have yet to figure out weather it hurts more to be actually single or to be hooked and your SO's mother is a crazy bitch who won't let your SO come because logically, if she did, the two of you would spend the entire time in a corner snogging wildly.⁶ So your SO isn't there.

So the basic politeness here is, if you're in a group of people and roughly everyone has someone to snog besides you, politely detangle yourself from your fellow squid⁷ and go make conversation with the single-type. This will have the benefit of making the single-types respect for you take a dramatic leap. "But what?! Mr. and Ms. Squid are being respectable and chatting with me? Delights!"

Yeah...that was one of the few downsides to the aweso-tasticness of New Years. Because it's hard enough being odd girl out ANYWAYS, and I really don't need that to be hammered at me. Also, this rant is dedicated to Mac&Tuna, because I know he agree's with me that being the only one non-snogging in your peer group sucks.

(((Although granted, it does make it much more difficult to run around and kiss freaking EVERYONE on the cheek at midnight, if your SO is there. Well...maybe. I don't know. I shall have to test this next year.)))

And that would be all, but I have thought of a third rant. Part three: Proper use of bitching about your current state of singleness. For gods sakes, don't bitch unless someone asks. If someone ASKS about your current singleness state, you may deliver a short rant, but then zip it and be good. And NEVER make the mistake of ranting to someone who's lot is currently worse then yours. Example: Person A's SO can't show up at the party until 11:30. Person B's SO can't show up at all. Person C doesn't HAVE an SO, and for some odd reason, wishes they did. Person C is allowed to arbitrarily rant at anyone, Person B is only allowed to rant at person A, and Person A isn't allowed to rant at anyone, as the person on the recieving end will just get jealous and depressed. Also, if Persons B and C so choose, they may cuddle up together and gripe about how much life sucks. Especially after person A has wandered off with their SO who has finally arrived and especially especially if either A) It's frigid FREEZING cold outside on these stupid bleachers, and if you don't cuddle together for warmth you will both die, or B) It's a crowded party, and you're trying to conserve space by sharing a seat.⁸

Rant the last: Just ask...
If you have a crush on someone, and you strongly think that the feelings are mutual, for teh love of God, if you want anything to come of it just ASK THE DRATTED PERSON OUT! Please don't give me any of that 'I don't know if he likes me' or 'I'm not brave enough' bullshit, if you seriously want this relationship, you can be brave enough. And if it turns out that he DOESN'T like you, you be embaressed, run off, anf go cry in your room for a while. And then you get over it. And then you eventually become friends and it's all good and YAY!⁹

So to sum up: Don't be a dick. This means about relationships, about friendships, about anything. And ask the damn boy/girl out, it'll go faster. And always remember: There is more to life then relationships, and there is more to relationships then sexheavy snogging.

Thanks, and have a good day.

~Sor
MOOP!

1. For the purpose of this writing, relationships means romantic/sexual relationships.
2. I have none of this hatred whatsoever, I love everyone, remember? And I've forgiven everyone! I'm like Jesus!!
...Ignore that.
3. For similar rants about Camporee-Prom, check out my new book: "We had more fun then you, so HA!
4. And I will gripe about how friggen long it took with mutual friends whenever the urge strikes me. Because GAWD it took you guys forever.
5. Horrid lie. There are many things that are much worse. Getting your arms eaten off by the ravonous snow-monster things that were in WWN, for example.
6. Because I am SUCH a snog-centric person. Please.
7. Squid = face sucker
8. I am person B in both examples. You have to figure out the rest yourself. (I'll give you a hint: Everyone else has been mentioned, and person C is two different people)
9. And don't you DARE say it's the boys job to initiate the relationship! It is NOT! In a good relationship, both partners should be chivolrous and balanced. It is not 'the boy's' or 'the girl's' job to do anything!

*thump!*

~Sor
MOOP!

Comments

[stgreyhounds.livejournal.com]

*Applauds*

There are one or two things I don't wholeheartedly agree with, but even those are such minor nitpicks that they essentially don't count. Brava!

[astaereth.livejournal.com]

I thoroughly disagree with the idea that relationships aren't ONE OF the most important aspects of life.

I thoroughly disagree with the idea that people should remain completely celibate until they are out of college(!) or even high school. I draw the line at middle school--firmly, that is--but I do believe that it should really happen from about late sophmore/early junior and on.

I do agree entirely with just about everything else you said.

[thorog.livejournal.com]

For reference on your next rant essay:
³ > ***
And it's not that much harder to type out! And if you really want to be snazzy (and I hope LJ allows you to do it), you can do something like this¹ (#1), which is expecially useful when your rant is three bloody pages long. By the way, next time I recommend typing it out in a word processor first, then copy/pasting it into LJ. That way you get all the goodness of stuff being stored away for when you accidentally hit back or close the browser window, plus spellchecking.

Now, as a confirmed cynic with no CM² (#2) to put the light of joy back in my soul³ (#3), it's my job to tell you that pretty much all the guys who're going to be reading this are geeks⁴ (#4) who are either complete cynics like me or nice guys (http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1259351) who wouldn't do any of that anyway. Except that you mention these are examples from your own life, which shows that you obviously have far too much life to have a livejournal. Begone, social freak! Get a myspace account! I'm sure they'll accept you and all of your multiudinous friends over there, with their fancy bands and their networking.

Shit, I sound like Bernard⁵ (#5).

Anyway. I think there was more point to this counter-rant. Oh yes, to try and get more footnotes than you. No luck there. Oh yes. If you're suitably emo or geek, I believe pining after your crush, writing perfectly-timed and rhymed poetry (preferably sonnets, sonnets are easy once you get into the flow of things, Shakespeare didn't know how easy he had it with his iambic pentameter and formulaic rhyme), before burning it (or posting it on your eljay), is acceptable policy once you get yourself a crush.

Damn. Which reminds me. I need to get writing done to see if I get money for prizes. You still have turned up on IRC yet, I need a decent player base if you ever want to play 1kbl online. I think that's it. Worhsip the antichrist, have a nice day.

---

[thorog.livejournal.com]

Aaaaaand I just get reminded why I'm a single cynic.

Most of the girls I know IRL are complete idiots.

*hits self*. Writing! Writing! Damn procrastination...

[stgreyhounds.livejournal.com]

*eyes light up* Show me how to do that!

[thorog.livejournal.com]

What in the hell is Thorog on about? What has he been smoking? And where can I get some of it?

Fear not, young'uns! Thorog hasn't been having a go at the weed, and even if he had, he wouldn't be giving it to you. Didn't you know that smoking is bad for your health?¹ (#1)

Then what's this about making HTML references? I can do that! Last week, in the middle of my biology lecture, I mentioned how much CSS sucked to the person sitting next to me, as a way of making conversation. They looked at me like I was some kind of freak.

Ahh, well, I know the treament for that. Take three of these cyanide pills daily, until conditions improve or you die, in which case your chances of getting any actually go up. But hark! Enough badgering of the socially inept and onto our tutorial!

What are you going to teach us today, oh hideous and green one?

Today, my friends, we will learn how to make a reference to a footnote using html. Not only will this impress the ladies, it will be a helpful aide to the average stranger (a.k.a. me) who wanders across this barren wasteland of porn and Sirius/Remus slash fic known in the modern vernacular as "the intarwebs" to find a well-thought-out rant by another member of this strange collective (a.k.a. the bundle of nerves and personalities known to her so-called "online friends" as kdsorceress), only to find it to be a garbled mess due to the continual amount of footnotage. And if you managed that sentance in one breath you, dear child, get a gold star.

The first step is to create our footnote. Exhibit A here likes to continually add stars until she eventually destroys any sort of flow in her writing with fields of asterisks, but we will use my preferred technique of a small number, like so:¹. To write this, we just need to type ¹. The "sup" stands for "super-script", indicating that my scripting knowledge rises above the rest like a floury dumpling in a rather odorous stew.

Next we want to link our reference to the footnote. We do this using the "anchor" tag, or <a>. You may have seen it in normal links - but this, my friend, is no ordinary link. The link we are about to create is a bookmark on the page, and in order to show this, we prefix it with a hash. For example, we could link to the bookmark 1 with <a href="#1">. Put this on the left-hand side of your reference mark, and the usual ending culprit </a> on the right-hand side, and you're almost set to go.

The final stage is the creation of the bookmark itself. We once again use the anchor tag, but this time we use it in the form: <a name="bookmark name">. For example, to make my bookmark 1, I may type:

<a name="1">1.</a>

Note that I must still use the end tag to show where it ends. However, now we have a working footnote and reference system. If you noticed, at the top of the page, I put one of these novelty "references", and down below you will see the footnote I have so cunningly crafted. As always, you can "view source" if you don't believe that this code does what it says.

Why, thank you, Uncle Thorog! You've made my life many shades brighter by sharing your wisdom.

That's alright, child. Don't forget to join me next week, where I will demonstrate how to solve world hunger using no more than a paper crane, a pot noodle, and your own ingenuity!

---

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

*applauds!*¹

Thank you for that educational lesson. I will be sure to heed your advice, until I get bored of doing it, or forget how, like I did with the span tag.

And please forgive my lack of any decent computer knowledge, including HTML. I am essentially a luddite. *looks sad*

~Sor²

1: ...wildy. And also laughs at the appropriate places. Either I make a good audience, or I'm FAR too out of it to be posting comments...

2: MOOP!

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Ah-ha, shit. Now I need to fix my links, as they're linking to you. Damn comments...

Although I know why. *feels smart*

*...and also terribly blonde and n00bish*

~Sor

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Get a myspace account!

BOO!! HISS!! Myspace is EVIL! EVIL, I TELL YOU!

Thats a whole different rant. And sure, I have far too much of a life for LJ. But thats ok, I can deal with that. I will not turn to the total suck that is myspace.

And you're right, you do sound more like Bernard then like Davan. Poor boy.

~Sor

[muzikmaker21.livejournal.com]

You go, little sister!

And, by the way, I still need to approve of this "Blue" person who is dating my little sister.

And, also, completely non-related- do you know how many times I read "Camporee-Prom" as "Camporee=Porn"? A lot. That's how many.

[macaroniandtuna.livejournal.com]

//If you're dumping someone for someone else, A) don't tell them that, as thats shitty//

Don't tell them? Most certainly, absolutely, always tell them. Be honest, if nothing else. Doing that is shitty, yes, but telling them is not if it's true anyway.

And I'm with Jaimee. I read that as "Camporee-porn." Sorry.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

mmmmmmmmm, yes and no.

Fine, lemme rephrase that. Don't tell them your dumping them for someone else and immediantely go off and snog the someone else. So tell them, but give the mess some space and the gossips some time to rest their tongues, and then go seek the someone else.

~Sor

[jarne.livejournal.com]

Sor m'dear, I do believe that we need to get together to write a book titled "why you teenagers date and what to do when you get into a relationship".
Or somesuch, but with our combined knowledge, it will become a BESTSELLER!

[artemisfowl2nd.livejournal.com]

There is nothing worse then being in a group of people and being the only onewho's not busy frantically snogging your SO.

Yes.

See: Rantings on minimum days.

End comment.

[jarne.livejournal.com]

I actually think it's kinda funny. "If I suddenly screamed, all these people would bite each others tongues in suprise!"

[artemisfowl2nd.livejournal.com]

Hot damn! I should have tried that!

[quadrophenic86.livejournal.com]

I know you've heard this a lot already, but you are wise beyond your years, toots. Especially on these topics.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

*blushies*

Danke dear. I think it's because I've had great influences.

~Sor

[quadrophenic86.livejournal.com]

Give and take, love. Give and take.

Oh, and for [diety]'s sake, call me Alex.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Meh. I do when I remember.

Half the time though, I get confused with that, or greatly confuse other people. But I will try to keep calling you Alex if you prefer it.

~Sor

[quadrophenic86.livejournal.com]

I'm more than your mod, I'm your friend. Especially now that you hardly post. I really don't care. Rose by any other name, donchaknow?

[caesarsalad77.livejournal.com]

this barren wasteland of porn and Sirius/Remus slash fic

Harry: You're a werewolf?
Remus: Yes.
Harry: Are you fucking serious?
Remus: That too.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Heh.

I actually had that as one of my userpics for a while. Pity I don't get the chance to use it, as Remus/Serius slash is BAD!

(Mostly because Remus is MINE! Intellectual werewolves rock my socks)

~Sor

[artemisfowl2nd.livejournal.com]

Can I have Sirius, then?

Crazy-dog-people rock my socks. Especially when they're shaggy.

Flea-ridden, not so much. But that can be fixed.

[artemisfowl2nd.livejournal.com]

6. Because I am SUCH a snog-centric person. Please.
You are. Really.

Oh, and what if you have an extremely good friendship and, while you are madly in love with the very same person, are still afraid of damaging said friendship? Is it alright to avoid asking the person out then, or am I are they still a yellow-bellied coward who should have gotten it out of the way earlier?

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

...I refuse to answer this on the grounds that I will probably wind up upsetting one of the two of us. Or both. I mean them.

~Sor

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

*sighs* It's totally alright to avoid asking them out. However, I reccomend being friendly and implying to them that you would like to have hot make-outs on ocassion.

~Sor

[artemisfowl2nd.livejournal.com]

What about hot make-ups? Can I imply that I want hot make-ups?

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Shit! I even *intended* to say hot make-ups!

I...uhm...don't even begin to know what that means. I mean, if hot make-ups was originally a slip of the tongue, and I slip of the tongued back to the original. Uhm..

*gives up trying to figure it out and snogs the hell out of you*

~Sor

[artemisfowl2nd.livejournal.com]

*makes sure Kyu is still showering*

Good gods, I approve of this comment quite a bit. And also am amused that you managed to un-freudian-slip.

Shit, Kyu's out of the shower.

*snogs and flees*

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

What would the opposite of a freudian slip be? A freudian bra?

~Sor

[artemisfowl2nd.livejournal.com]

...Yes.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

*wears a freudian bra on her head...

...AND DANCES!*

~Sor

[artemisfowl2nd.livejournal.com]

*takes pictures*

*puts them on THE INTERWEBS*