(no subject)

[sorcyress]

Yeah, I really do intend to write about my life, and to put up an Origins and Daycamp report.

And I really do intend to write those essays, the one on submission and submissiveness, and the one on collars, and the one on shaving.

And hell, to some small extent, I really truly intend to work on those stories that used to come so easily to me.

Unfortunately, my life is a touch insane at the moment. Once I start getting moments to my goddamn self, (By which I mean, get the fuck *out* of my house people, I need some solitude¹) I'll probably start journalling like a journalfiend again.

Of course, in the immediate future, I have work, then California. Then perhaps hanging out with Blue Canary. And then almost certainly work. And hmm, maybe between work and Otakon there will be brainspaceing, but I find that slightly doubtful.

Christ *damn* this entry is bitter. And whiny. And, as with all things, something that I can fix if I weren't lazy --I have a room, it has a door, the door has a lock. I do not have to hang out with anyone, no, not even Veronica. Just because there are people in the house does not mean I need to communicate with them. Or really, pay them any mind at all.

At any rate, it's about one thirty on a Monday night, I'm *about* to start my period (and therefore at my most irrationally emo --though my brain, in all its helpfulness, pointed out that maybe when I'm in this sort of emo, it's the only time I see myself in any sort of honest way. You know...fucked up and irresponsible. Thanks brain. I love hearing that from you. Whore.

...Yes I call my brain a whore. Only when it deserves it.)

***

I have to finish cleaning my room. I have to pack. I have to mail the letters to Lauren and Emily that I wrote, and I need to finish writing that other letter that I got frustrated with² and stopped in the middle. I should e-mail that one girl and write to my little sister.

I have to work for nine hours tomorrow. I ought to watch Buffy with Veronica --you know, like a good friend would. (Oh, and brain, have I ever mentioned just how *thrilled* I am with you whenever you pull the 'good friend' card? Yeah, fuck you. Guilt tripping me into spending time with people I care about isn't actually good for anyone involved. Let me spend time with them at my own pace, maybe, good friend-ness be damned. Aren't you the one that maintains that I should give a shit about my brainspace over others *anyways*?

No, that's me. Your brain usually tries to convince you that you're not stupidly selfless enough, and that you ought to feel like a horrible human being for not being so.

...Oh thank you, Gabriel. That makes my life seem so much better.

No problem.

ANYWAYS, this entry is both erratically behind and before the walls, AND either way it's stupid-bitter, and probably going to get me into trouble with people I really do give a shit about, like, say, Veronica. So I'm going to post it, thereby ruining my life now, and run off to California until the majority of the "Zohmgar, Sorcy hates meeee" shitstorm has blown over. Ta.

(In all seriousness, I do apologize. I like you people. I like all of you, and I like spending time with you guys. I'm just an introvert, 'kay? I don't do well with being constantly 'on', I get all nasty. Unfortunately, what with one thing or another, I haven't really gotten a day off of late. Soyeah. I'm sorry for being a heinous bitch. I won't let you seeit happen again.)

~Sor
MOOP!

1: *sighs*. No, I don't mean you. Or you. Or you. Honestly, even if you all *did* leave, I'm sure my mother could guilt me into non-cave based activity anyways.

2: With my livejournal, I just assume you ignore it if it's boring. With a letter, I feel guilty about taking up your time like that and get more confused and depressed. I'm *really* shit at writing letters.

Comments

[thorog.livejournal.com]

Heykat. Most of us can't do two things at once, believe it or not. You can either go out and be social, or stay in and have you-time. If you say to people "look, I'd love to, but right now I've been peopled out, and I need some alone time", they'll either understand or be greedy social leeches who don't deserve your time anyway.

For stuff to do - oh, hell, you know all the resources I use for this thing, I'm sure you'll get through it all.

[macaroniandtuna.livejournal.com]

No apologies necessary for being an introvert, 'cause hey, me too.

Kat

[caller-dayle.livejournal.com]

You're Fabulous. I love the rant and internal (external?) discussions you share. I agree with thorog about "They'll either understand or be greedy social leeches who don't deserve your time anyway." You can't give the real you if the real you is exhausted and has nothing to give. It is NOT selfish to take time to recharge so that you can, then, share your true self with those you love and care about. Taking time to recharge in your own way is more altruistic than selfish, although much of society, and even some well-meaning authority types say differently.

Excellent that you tell the "Should" monster to go take a flying leap. (Although your sneaky monster hides behind synonyms like "ought" and "good friend card".)

I swear, there's absolutely no way you are that young. Most women I know aren't 1/10th as self-aware as you at age 35 (regardless of the phase of the moon.)

Now, stop apologizing, close your door, take time for yourself, make a list of everything that needs done before Cali, and go to bed. (Unless that's not what you want/need at the moment, then tell me to go fuck myself and do what you do want/need!!!)

[harena.livejournal.com]

i'm only going to hate you when you don't kidnap me on your way to California! >.>

. o O (and to Gabriel i say: NO, i am ONLY KIDDING! i couldn't bring meself to hate Sor even if my life depended on it!)