(no subject)

[sorcyress]

A/N: This started as a bit of emo prosetry, and turned into a brief conversation between Gabriel and myself. Enjoy, or something.

***

I wish I could just stop wrapping myself in bullshit and just say what I need to to people.

I wish I could open up.

I wish I could cry on your shoulder. I think I need it.

I wish I could hug you right now. I wish you could hug me. I wish I could tell you how badly I need a hug.

I wish I wasn't crying

I wish I didn't feel I had to hide my tears

I wish you weren't distracted by your own shit

I wish I didn't feel so selfish as to say that

I wish I could let myself feel negative emotions

I wish you hadn't pretty much exited my life

I wish things were still like they were at the start

I wish you hadn't ruined me

I wish I didn't see myself somuch as a failure

I wish that it was you I was talking to and not him

I wish I could trust people with my Self

I wish I weren't so fucking insecure, all the fucking time

I wish I could make you understand all of it

I wish I could understand all of it

I wish I could be jealous of her

I wish I wouldn't be jealous of her.

Or her.

(Though as always, I wish she was closer)

And I wish *she* were closer too

I wish I could love myself

Hell, I'll settle for wishing I could see myself as you lot claim to see me.

(I wish I could believe it when you tell me I'm a good person. Or you, or you, or you...)

"I wish I could post this" she said, knowing full well that, as anonymous as it is, she almost immediately was. "Fine." she revised. "I wish I could post this and not have to subsequently deal with mom telling me that all manner of people asked her if I'm alright, ohnoes."

She blinked. "Sometimes I wish I weren't such a terminal optimist. Life is more serious then that, y'know? There's war and death and genocide and hatred and tears and emotion and sadness."

The pseudoangel looked up from his book --Sandman, volume two-- and sighed. "Yes Deus, and there's also butterflies and dinosaurs and backhoes and MST3K and pringles and Shakespeare and legos and short skirts and thrift stores and gaming."

"I really wish you wouldn't call me that." She walked over and sat on the arm of his chair.

"Tell you what. I'll stop calling you Deus, and you stop bottling up who you are." She glared at him, and he smirked. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah." a pause. "Feeling better."

~Sor, BtW
MOOP!