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BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD
Mar. 19th, 2021 12:44 amContent Warning: This is a lot of words about blood donation, in which I at no point mention the specific mechanism by which you donate, but if that sort of thing hits you _really_ hard you might wish to skip
I gave blood today! That was my major adventure of the day, biking all the way to MGH (It would've been an exceptionally pleasant ride, minus the last quarter mile, except for the rain) and giving blood and biking back. I have now given blood successfully 57 days apart which is _fucking fantastic_ for me and I'm very pleased about it.
Why is giving blood so good for me? I'm not sure, but I realized today that my internal narrative said something along the lines of "yeah, we're proud of ourselves1" which, uh...I am not typically Allowed to casually exhibit pride. I'm sure as fuck not allowed to formally exhibit pride. It's extremely fascinating that I am vain as shit and very occasionally arrogant, but pride in my accomplishments exists in a similar realm to being thanked2, in that please nope.
So the fact that I can be proud of giving blood --and this doesn't seem to be a trap, there's nothing in my brain making that pride into a sin like it does with everything else-- is...fascinating and worth investigating further. And, critically, it means that this vague idea that popped into my head in January of "I should just decide to give blood as often as they'll let me" is a very very good one and one that should be cultivated and fed.
Maybe the trap is the fear that I'm """virtue signaling""" or somehow setting myself up as better than people who don't give blood? That's a weak argument though and we all know it, born of creativity not reality3. I don't think poorly of people who don't give (there are so many reasons one can't or won't or shouldn't) and I don't think I'm better that I do, just that we all give to the world in our own ways and this is a service I am capable of providing...
...annnnnd there's the thing I suppose. Giving blood is a service. It's actually one of the purest forms of service I can provide anonymously. I am literally giving someone _my blood_ something that is ordinarily required for my survival, and I am doing it not because I think they're a really cool person and I'd do ~anything~ for them, but like...
...like, a hateful racist bigot could get my blood. A shithead white supremacist anti-masker rapist murderer could get my blood. How am I okay with giving up my blood and never knowing where it will go or who it will be given to? And I think the answer for that has to come from a fundamental belief in the ultimate goodness of humanity overall, and more importantly, the fact that I try really hard to like people and give them the benefit of the doubt (when that benefit doesn't involve them being a toxic and awful fuckwit, looking at you twitter dot hell).
Or even if I don't believe in the fundamental good of humanity, I think it's reasonable to say that I believe in the fundamental good -or at least fundamental self-sacrifice- of myself. I give blood -and don't know where it ends up- because it is the right thing for me to do.
The crew at Callahan's give blood4. Furiosa survives because Max gives her blood. If and when Valdemar develops transfusion technology, every Herald in the realm will be there every eight weeks and probably their Companions right along with them. Giving blood is a Good And Right Act. It is pure service, in doing something selflessly for someone else and it is pure service in that there just isn't much of a question as to whether it's the ethical choice.
(Besides, the person receiving my blood could be a former student, a future superstar, a loud-mouthed protester fighting for the common good.)
And fascinatingly, it's all about that service -literally giving up _the magic red juice that keeps my meat mecha operating- while at the same time being a situation that involves incredible amounts of being pampered and cared for. Do you want one nurse to adjust your chair while another brings you a juicebox and a third finds a cool towel for your fevered brow? Just mention casually in the middle of donation that you're feeling faint, and bam!
Do you want to be told "take as many as you want" when standing in front of a table with snacks and have them actually mean it? I ate peanut butter crackers and fig newtons and a rice krispie treat and TWO cans of apple juice and it was fantastic! No guilt whatsoever because again, for the like...$3.50 wholesale cost of these snacks I traded my literal lifeblood.
Giving blood is _so fun_ and I really enjoy the entire experience (once they say "yes you can donate", the occasions when I haven't made it through the pre-screen have all been _devastating_). It's absolutely my drug of choice --if I'm gonna make my brain be altered, this is a _delightful_ way to do it!
Also, there's something to be said for wanting to achieve an act that requires self-care in order to accomplish. I can't half-ass this one. If I haven't been sleeping enough, eating enough, drinking enough water, taking my vitamins (nom nom iron), I will just not be allowed to donate. And I know how that wrecks me, everyone's always very polite about it but it hurts like the worst of failures. So...I slept eight hours last night, I ate two meals and a snack, I drank my water, I had my vitamin. Moving forward, I try to keep my body moving a reasonable amount, keep my pulse reasonable, etc. I only get the reward (of losing blood??? but I mean it when I say it's one of my favourite feelings) if I do the work, so there we go.
Anyways, I'm due again on May 13th, but may twitch the date a bit in order to give blood with someone else (who apparently went in yesterday, meaning our cycles are basically synced5) and I'm just...already looking forward to it, yanno?
~Sor
MOOP!
PostScript: I had very little to say the first time I gave blood (in my defense, it was right in the middle of The Ketchup Revolution, which was...yep.) but I do have this piece of art from probably the second or third time I gave blood.
I hadn't introspected it nearly as much when I was first starting this, but I've enjoyed giving blood basically since I was 16. I'm a little frustrated that it took me a decade and a half to actually try and get serious about the "yes, every eight weeks" thing, but better late than never, yanno?
1: Look, there are reasons beyond gender I feel so comfortable using "they" as a personal pronoun, and one of the major ones is that though I don't consider myself Plural/Multiple, I've always felt like my brain is most recognizable in the collective.
2: I don't have the brain to poke at this one right now, but yeah, please nope on thanking me for things.
3: I don't have an anxiety disorder because I am creative enough that if I did, I would spend literally all my time forever dwelling on all the Bad Shit and I just don't have time for that. (This is not actually how the causation runs).
4: I mean, they definitely give it to the resident vampire, but I wanna say there was an implication that at least some of them donate regularly just in general. Maybe there's a throwaway line that the Doc encourages it?
5: Oh man, I leave the _exceptional_ menstruation/bleeding/syncing cycles pun to the experts.
I gave blood today! That was my major adventure of the day, biking all the way to MGH (It would've been an exceptionally pleasant ride, minus the last quarter mile, except for the rain) and giving blood and biking back. I have now given blood successfully 57 days apart which is _fucking fantastic_ for me and I'm very pleased about it.
Why is giving blood so good for me? I'm not sure, but I realized today that my internal narrative said something along the lines of "yeah, we're proud of ourselves1" which, uh...I am not typically Allowed to casually exhibit pride. I'm sure as fuck not allowed to formally exhibit pride. It's extremely fascinating that I am vain as shit and very occasionally arrogant, but pride in my accomplishments exists in a similar realm to being thanked2, in that please nope.
So the fact that I can be proud of giving blood --and this doesn't seem to be a trap, there's nothing in my brain making that pride into a sin like it does with everything else-- is...fascinating and worth investigating further. And, critically, it means that this vague idea that popped into my head in January of "I should just decide to give blood as often as they'll let me" is a very very good one and one that should be cultivated and fed.
Maybe the trap is the fear that I'm """virtue signaling""" or somehow setting myself up as better than people who don't give blood? That's a weak argument though and we all know it, born of creativity not reality3. I don't think poorly of people who don't give (there are so many reasons one can't or won't or shouldn't) and I don't think I'm better that I do, just that we all give to the world in our own ways and this is a service I am capable of providing...
...annnnnd there's the thing I suppose. Giving blood is a service. It's actually one of the purest forms of service I can provide anonymously. I am literally giving someone _my blood_ something that is ordinarily required for my survival, and I am doing it not because I think they're a really cool person and I'd do ~anything~ for them, but like...
...like, a hateful racist bigot could get my blood. A shithead white supremacist anti-masker rapist murderer could get my blood. How am I okay with giving up my blood and never knowing where it will go or who it will be given to? And I think the answer for that has to come from a fundamental belief in the ultimate goodness of humanity overall, and more importantly, the fact that I try really hard to like people and give them the benefit of the doubt (when that benefit doesn't involve them being a toxic and awful fuckwit, looking at you twitter dot hell).
Or even if I don't believe in the fundamental good of humanity, I think it's reasonable to say that I believe in the fundamental good -or at least fundamental self-sacrifice- of myself. I give blood -and don't know where it ends up- because it is the right thing for me to do.
The crew at Callahan's give blood4. Furiosa survives because Max gives her blood. If and when Valdemar develops transfusion technology, every Herald in the realm will be there every eight weeks and probably their Companions right along with them. Giving blood is a Good And Right Act. It is pure service, in doing something selflessly for someone else and it is pure service in that there just isn't much of a question as to whether it's the ethical choice.
(Besides, the person receiving my blood could be a former student, a future superstar, a loud-mouthed protester fighting for the common good.)
And fascinatingly, it's all about that service -literally giving up _the magic red juice that keeps my meat mecha operating- while at the same time being a situation that involves incredible amounts of being pampered and cared for. Do you want one nurse to adjust your chair while another brings you a juicebox and a third finds a cool towel for your fevered brow? Just mention casually in the middle of donation that you're feeling faint, and bam!
Do you want to be told "take as many as you want" when standing in front of a table with snacks and have them actually mean it? I ate peanut butter crackers and fig newtons and a rice krispie treat and TWO cans of apple juice and it was fantastic! No guilt whatsoever because again, for the like...$3.50 wholesale cost of these snacks I traded my literal lifeblood.
Giving blood is _so fun_ and I really enjoy the entire experience (once they say "yes you can donate", the occasions when I haven't made it through the pre-screen have all been _devastating_). It's absolutely my drug of choice --if I'm gonna make my brain be altered, this is a _delightful_ way to do it!
Also, there's something to be said for wanting to achieve an act that requires self-care in order to accomplish. I can't half-ass this one. If I haven't been sleeping enough, eating enough, drinking enough water, taking my vitamins (nom nom iron), I will just not be allowed to donate. And I know how that wrecks me, everyone's always very polite about it but it hurts like the worst of failures. So...I slept eight hours last night, I ate two meals and a snack, I drank my water, I had my vitamin. Moving forward, I try to keep my body moving a reasonable amount, keep my pulse reasonable, etc. I only get the reward (of losing blood??? but I mean it when I say it's one of my favourite feelings) if I do the work, so there we go.
Anyways, I'm due again on May 13th, but may twitch the date a bit in order to give blood with someone else (who apparently went in yesterday, meaning our cycles are basically synced5) and I'm just...already looking forward to it, yanno?
~Sor
MOOP!
PostScript: I had very little to say the first time I gave blood (in my defense, it was right in the middle of The Ketchup Revolution, which was...yep.) but I do have this piece of art from probably the second or third time I gave blood.
I hadn't introspected it nearly as much when I was first starting this, but I've enjoyed giving blood basically since I was 16. I'm a little frustrated that it took me a decade and a half to actually try and get serious about the "yes, every eight weeks" thing, but better late than never, yanno?
1: Look, there are reasons beyond gender I feel so comfortable using "they" as a personal pronoun, and one of the major ones is that though I don't consider myself Plural/Multiple, I've always felt like my brain is most recognizable in the collective.
2: I don't have the brain to poke at this one right now, but yeah, please nope on thanking me for things.
3: I don't have an anxiety disorder because I am creative enough that if I did, I would spend literally all my time forever dwelling on all the Bad Shit and I just don't have time for that. (This is not actually how the causation runs).
4: I mean, they definitely give it to the resident vampire, but I wanna say there was an implication that at least some of them donate regularly just in general. Maybe there's a throwaway line that the Doc encourages it?
5: Oh man, I leave the _exceptional_ menstruation/bleeding/syncing cycles pun to the experts.