A bunch of thoughts about things:

I apparently need to remember to keep BtW things in the BtW file. It is slightly upsetting to be reading something innocuous and suddenly stumbling into the middle of a lot of hate and anger and pain.

***

I'm currently running at five or six dates over the last three months that have helped to steer me into adulthood. This is really just a reminder to myself to go write them down somewhere.

***

Hanging out with Jarne and his friends after watching Little Shop was really nice, and a little strange. On the one hand, hanging out with high schoolers is a Good Thing and one I don't do very often. On the other, I have a huge mental block regarding jailbait --nevermind that I've only got a year on any given seventeen year old, I have to really watch what I say and if I catch myself looking, I feel *awful*

That's actually an Arisia conreport bit too. (Bet you thought I forgot!) One of the weirdest things about no longer being jailbait is that all these cute people who look to be a few years younger than me, are. I can and will flirt with twenty, thirty, getting on *forty* year olds, but even two years younger than me is resoundingly off limits.

***

Hanging out with the college kids is even better though. After tech today, me, Harry, David, Kelsey, and L!Beth (different from BethityBeth) wound up sitting around and talking about things. We'll leave it at that. *grins*

***

I'm to the point where my neck issues are actually making me slightly dysfunctional. Seriously, I can't meta around it, which means that I'm willing to consider it an actual problem.

To explain: I first noticed about eight months ago that I really truly Do Not Like it when people touch the front of my neck. (I'm not nessecarily fond of neckrubs, but I won't freak out as long as your hands don't start to go around my neck at all.) Unfortuantely, one of the people I don't like touching my neck is me. I keep testing it, and I start to freak out. Play with my neck too much, and I can't wear necklaces for a few hours without clawing at them.

I've been able to deal with fears before by meta-thinking them. The phrase "You're being a drama queen about this" works wonders when I say it to myself --it's how I pretty much got over my fear of small mammals (rats, hamsters, mice, gerbils, guinea pigs, etc --I still don't like them though) and how I deal with things like "Oh no, it is dark here and I am kinda scared, even though I know it's safe."

But I put a hand round my neck, and try to meta past it. I take a deep breath and try to think past the freaking out, and it really doesn't work. I freak out anyways. When I'm in full control of it, I can just remove my hand carefully and calm myself down, when I'm not, I literally jerk away.

So yeah. My neck issues are making me slightly dysfunctional. The reason I bring this up? I just got out of the shower, and it's really hard to wash a body part that you freak out about touching.

***

I am going to dinner with my daddy tonight. Yay!

***

Interesting realization bred out of a conversation I had with Magus --I don't believe I have a comfort food. I have a chocolate, but I can't think of anything that I go devour when I really need to just pretend that everything is alright.

I have said before that writing is my comfort food, which is technically true --I've written enough rants and essays and pain that everything starts to follow the same trails eventually (unless it's a panic attack) and all the trails eventually lead to stability. (unless it's a panic attack.)

Swingsets are also my comfort food, and playgrounds in general --walking Calms Me The Fuck Down, which is required to get to a playground. This is why it's unlikely that I will show up at someones house in tears --I will have to have travelled to get to that place, and the fact that I'll have to have travelled past people (meaning I apply a mask) plus the fact that I am walking and thinking and analyzing and metacrying makes me calm down.

***

Iiiii get to go to a Regency era tea dance tomorrow, of which I'm quite excited about until I remember that I don't know any Regency, and, while it's unlikely that I'll make a *complete* arse of myself. (Dear god, thank you for giving me a sense of rhythem, love Kat) it's possible that I'll wind up making at least somewhat of an arse of myself.

But I do get to see Keira, so that is Most Excellent.

***

I like having older sisters, all three of them. They're all good for slightly different things, and I've no idea if the three of them would get along in the slightest, but it's really just quite nice to have people who have that Feel for me.

I want an older brother up here, though. My most logical choice doesn't have the right Feel to be an actual brother, and none of the college kids take care of me well enough. Maybe Spence. *plots*

***

Hokay, I really should brush my hair and get dressed and just generally get ready for going to dinner. Ee, dinner and hanging out and chatting. These are Good Things.

*waves and runs off*

~Sor
MOOP!

(no subject)

Hokayso.

My dad's a doctor, which is cool and all because hey, saving lives, and sucks because hey, he has to work on Christmas. (I've bitched about this before; I'm too lazy to go back and find the proper entries)

However, one of the plusgood things about him being a doctor is that he gets to Go Cool Places. Most recently, the cool place he got to go was Boston. That would be, this weekend. Meaning, I got to go hang out with him and chat. And go off to dinner with him and his collegues, to Locke-Ober

Hay-oh-lee-shit, I don't think I've ever been to a fancier resturaunt, though it was certainly not top of the line of everything. But it had entrees I couldn't pronounce and too many forks and I got a *Baked Alaska* (Zomgawds, FIRE!) and in short, it was totally fahn-say.

Also, I think this was the first time I managed to wear my (fake?) pearls since...god, someone before Alex and Renee's wedding, so that's pretty spift too. I looked like a grown-up, which is both scary and awesome.

...Yeah, I'm out. Ta! *waves*

~Sor
MOOP!