Sex is Fictional
Dec. 10th, 2023 04:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressSex is fictional.
I mean...not all of it. I'm sure plenty of people are out here having perfectly real solid sexytimes where the internal thoughts of "what is happening here" maps 100% to the external feelings of...well, "what is happening here". But I don't think that's the case for everyone all the time, and it seems to be the case for me rather more often than not.
It's been an interesting realization in the last two or three years to understand just how much of sex takes place entirely in my brain. Some examples of types of sex that are partially or wholly fictional:
*Bog standard doin' the deed and thinking about someone else while you're doing it. (This is one I try never to indulge in, because it seems like a warning to me --if my brain is wandering from this person, maybe I should think about why-- but I include it as maybe one of the most obvious types.)
*Straight-up like...masturbating while fantasizing about things that have never been. Either perfectly realistic ones, or fantastically unrealistic.
*Cybersex, two-way camming, phonesex, all those things where you are in-the-moment with someone else but the act of "and then I tab A your slot B" is relegated to saying just that and seeing how they respond.
*In-person storytelling that doesn't align with the literal physicality happening. Someone once wrote me a <31 word porn that ran along the lines of "fucking you in the pussy you don't have with the cock I don't have" and honestly, now that I've been there, that is some Good Queer Shit. Pressing my fingers in just the right spot to create an illusion of gender euphoria is delicious!
*In-person storytelling that doesn't align with *any* literal physicality. I have told stories of bodyswapping and clones and monster-girls and breathing underwater to be fucked by a mermaid and inflation and flying and look I am very very lucky and some of my fetishes have always been impossible.
*Kink. Like, a lot of power dynamic kink pretty much relies entirely on a nice veneer of fictionality. "You need to do as you're told or I'll beat the shit out of you" only works when the power dynamic is fictional, otherwise it steers terrifyingly close to abuse.
*Oh speaking of, it's a shame I've never gotten into Hypno, since my understanding from the outside is that it's just this premise cranked to 200%. (on the one hand, I still might eventually, on the other, my trauma does not dovetail nicely with losing awareness during sex)
*Even to some extent, reading too much into things (especially when there is already some degree of sexual relationship extant.) A certain partner giving me a certain look is going to send my brain along certain paths and even if they didn't necessarily intend in that moment for the interaction to be sexual, the "what could be" sometimes works faster than the "what is".
It's been interesting adding the phrase "sex is fictional" to my lexicon, because in my very sparing usage so far, I've mostly met with enthusiastic understanding. My friend who creates furry pornography for a living? Oh yeah, he totally grokked it on just those three words --that's literally his bread and butter! And tonight I responded "sex is fictional but food is not?" to a faraway partner who was finding it interesting that "we can physically interact at a distance but I can't feed you".
(More's the pity there. They keep making gingerbread and mentioning it to me and I'm sure taunting is not their goal, but goddamnit, I should learn how to make good soft gingerbread and then put all of it in my mouth forever.)
I don't have a pithy closing here. Sex is fictional, and I think that's neat!
~Sor
MOOP!
PostNote: I know I tagged this sexfilter but it's a public entry since I will probably want to link people to it who aren't on Dreamwidth. I probably need better tag differentiation for "talkin' about sex conceptually" and "specifically talkin' about sex" since I only tend to filter the latter. Also, if you want to be on/not the sexfilter do let me know, I tend to operate it on vibes.
I mean...not all of it. I'm sure plenty of people are out here having perfectly real solid sexytimes where the internal thoughts of "what is happening here" maps 100% to the external feelings of...well, "what is happening here". But I don't think that's the case for everyone all the time, and it seems to be the case for me rather more often than not.
It's been an interesting realization in the last two or three years to understand just how much of sex takes place entirely in my brain. Some examples of types of sex that are partially or wholly fictional:
*Bog standard doin' the deed and thinking about someone else while you're doing it. (This is one I try never to indulge in, because it seems like a warning to me --if my brain is wandering from this person, maybe I should think about why-- but I include it as maybe one of the most obvious types.)
*Straight-up like...masturbating while fantasizing about things that have never been. Either perfectly realistic ones, or fantastically unrealistic.
*Cybersex, two-way camming, phonesex, all those things where you are in-the-moment with someone else but the act of "and then I tab A your slot B" is relegated to saying just that and seeing how they respond.
*In-person storytelling that doesn't align with the literal physicality happening. Someone once wrote me a <31 word porn that ran along the lines of "fucking you in the pussy you don't have with the cock I don't have" and honestly, now that I've been there, that is some Good Queer Shit. Pressing my fingers in just the right spot to create an illusion of gender euphoria is delicious!
*In-person storytelling that doesn't align with *any* literal physicality. I have told stories of bodyswapping and clones and monster-girls and breathing underwater to be fucked by a mermaid and inflation and flying and look I am very very lucky and some of my fetishes have always been impossible.
*Kink. Like, a lot of power dynamic kink pretty much relies entirely on a nice veneer of fictionality. "You need to do as you're told or I'll beat the shit out of you" only works when the power dynamic is fictional, otherwise it steers terrifyingly close to abuse.
*Oh speaking of, it's a shame I've never gotten into Hypno, since my understanding from the outside is that it's just this premise cranked to 200%. (on the one hand, I still might eventually, on the other, my trauma does not dovetail nicely with losing awareness during sex)
*Even to some extent, reading too much into things (especially when there is already some degree of sexual relationship extant.) A certain partner giving me a certain look is going to send my brain along certain paths and even if they didn't necessarily intend in that moment for the interaction to be sexual, the "what could be" sometimes works faster than the "what is".
It's been interesting adding the phrase "sex is fictional" to my lexicon, because in my very sparing usage so far, I've mostly met with enthusiastic understanding. My friend who creates furry pornography for a living? Oh yeah, he totally grokked it on just those three words --that's literally his bread and butter! And tonight I responded "sex is fictional but food is not?" to a faraway partner who was finding it interesting that "we can physically interact at a distance but I can't feed you".
(More's the pity there. They keep making gingerbread and mentioning it to me and I'm sure taunting is not their goal, but goddamnit, I should learn how to make good soft gingerbread and then put all of it in my mouth forever.)
I don't have a pithy closing here. Sex is fictional, and I think that's neat!
~Sor
MOOP!
PostNote: I know I tagged this sexfilter but it's a public entry since I will probably want to link people to it who aren't on Dreamwidth. I probably need better tag differentiation for "talkin' about sex conceptually" and "specifically talkin' about sex" since I only tend to filter the latter. Also, if you want to be on/not the sexfilter do let me know, I tend to operate it on vibes.
no subject
on 2023-12-10 07:51 pm (UTC)