Femmes can be thems, darling
Dec. 7th, 2023 11:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressFemmes can be thems.
Not sure when exactly the phrase entered my lexicon (thanks Tumblr, probably), but from the moment I first read it, it resonated _so_ strongly. Yes yes, there are some parts of me that are incontrovertibly butch, but for the majority of my presentation...no. Even my masculinity comes with a feminine tint --why be a normal gentleman when I could be a dandy, a peacock, a fop?
(each species has a sex that's slated to be highly decorated and *that* is why the Lord created man.)
I like colours and textures and trim and accessorizing. I love my long hair, which is longer than yours or almost anyone you know. I adore putting paint on my eyes, the bolder and brighter the better, and I have a shockingly large collection of dramatic earrings for someone who doesn't really wear them in the day-to-day.
And I don't perform femininity except in spaces that feel gendersafe.
Which is a little sad and a lot exhausting, but if I can't trust an environment to be affirming and embracing, if I can't trust the people I will see to put any goddamn effort at all into using the correct pronouns and not including me with the "ladies"....those spaces are not safe enough for me to be my whole self. And so because I am small and smiling and long-haired and non-passing, I need to work twice as hard to get half as much acceptance. I cannot give them any wiggle room to assume I am what I'm not.
I have switched my entire professional drag wardrobe to the masculine. I still own several of my work skirts, I still really like some of them, but absolutely not. They're going to forget my pronouns anyways, so at least I can make it real fucking awkward for them to call me "she" when I'm in a nicer vest and tie than any other man in the building.
I can use this as a litmus test though, I've started to notice. When I am going somewhere new, what do I want to wear, how do I want to dress. What are the vibes of this event, do I think it's gonna be safe to dress the way I want? Or the converse, I reach into the closet and look at what my hands are drawn to, and realize some things about how I feel about that space.
It has been...a while...since I have worn a skirt to normal Monday Scottish dancing. I used to make the effort. I so like the way they twirl.
And it's wonderful when I realize I am making the effort to be Stunning. I am a vain and beautiful creature, and I like being able to express that, to adorn myself, to put together Looks and get Compliments. Mostly these days it happens for bells, because bells *is* gendersafe. But I looked _amazing_ at the Youth Weekend Away ball in Philly, and unquestionably femme. I put in the effort for Austin and Phoebe's wedding, for the Lavender Country Harvest Ball, for going out to see the Barbie movie with Ezri.
I still try. When it feels safe to do so.
And it's really really interesting to catalog which spaces are and aren't.
~Sor
MOOP!
Not sure when exactly the phrase entered my lexicon (thanks Tumblr, probably), but from the moment I first read it, it resonated _so_ strongly. Yes yes, there are some parts of me that are incontrovertibly butch, but for the majority of my presentation...no. Even my masculinity comes with a feminine tint --why be a normal gentleman when I could be a dandy, a peacock, a fop?
(each species has a sex that's slated to be highly decorated and *that* is why the Lord created man.)
I like colours and textures and trim and accessorizing. I love my long hair, which is longer than yours or almost anyone you know. I adore putting paint on my eyes, the bolder and brighter the better, and I have a shockingly large collection of dramatic earrings for someone who doesn't really wear them in the day-to-day.
And I don't perform femininity except in spaces that feel gendersafe.
Which is a little sad and a lot exhausting, but if I can't trust an environment to be affirming and embracing, if I can't trust the people I will see to put any goddamn effort at all into using the correct pronouns and not including me with the "ladies"....those spaces are not safe enough for me to be my whole self. And so because I am small and smiling and long-haired and non-passing, I need to work twice as hard to get half as much acceptance. I cannot give them any wiggle room to assume I am what I'm not.
I have switched my entire professional drag wardrobe to the masculine. I still own several of my work skirts, I still really like some of them, but absolutely not. They're going to forget my pronouns anyways, so at least I can make it real fucking awkward for them to call me "she" when I'm in a nicer vest and tie than any other man in the building.
I can use this as a litmus test though, I've started to notice. When I am going somewhere new, what do I want to wear, how do I want to dress. What are the vibes of this event, do I think it's gonna be safe to dress the way I want? Or the converse, I reach into the closet and look at what my hands are drawn to, and realize some things about how I feel about that space.
It has been...a while...since I have worn a skirt to normal Monday Scottish dancing. I used to make the effort. I so like the way they twirl.
And it's wonderful when I realize I am making the effort to be Stunning. I am a vain and beautiful creature, and I like being able to express that, to adorn myself, to put together Looks and get Compliments. Mostly these days it happens for bells, because bells *is* gendersafe. But I looked _amazing_ at the Youth Weekend Away ball in Philly, and unquestionably femme. I put in the effort for Austin and Phoebe's wedding, for the Lavender Country Harvest Ball, for going out to see the Barbie movie with Ezri.
I still try. When it feels safe to do so.
And it's really really interesting to catalog which spaces are and aren't.
~Sor
MOOP!