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sorcyressA relative stranger to this journal left me a comment expressing intrigue over Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and I...got excited and infodumped. I figure if I'ma write comments long enough to be posts, maybe I should also just make them posts. Here is my understanding of RSD!
***
Oh man. Oh _man_. Like, learning there was a name for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria changed my life. It is generally an ADHD symptom (so if you definitely don't have ADHD it's much less likely that you have RSD specifically, but if you might have ADHD and do have this, then maybe that's a sign you should check out more other ADHD stuff (esp. beyond the stereotypes of "oo shiny!")).
It refers to being dysphorically scared of/upset by/sensitive about rejection -or, and this is critical, perceived rejection.
Dysphorically here refers to sorta "way outside normal bounds". Like, no one enjoys being rejected or having their ideas shot down, but I think most people can recognize that if you say "let's go have Chinese for lunch" and your roommate says "naw, not into it" they're not secretly saying "how dare you suggest such a thing you utter terrible fool, I will hate you forever for your insolence". (The "best" part is that it's not actually predictable when the RSD will be really bad, so nine times out of ten, the response would be "yeah, cool, Mexican then?" and only occasionally will your brain decide that you have Ruined Everything Irrevocably.)
The "also sensitive to perceived rejection" also includes the *potential* of being rejected, which ties a lot into Perfection Bullshit (not a clinical term) and things like "if I can't do this project right the first time I will be in big trouble with my boss and everything will be ruined so I can't work on it until I'm ready to do it right oh no it was due a week ago and now everything is worse how did this happen".
The running away is...not necessarily a part of it, except that certain events (common link: where I am not "perfect enough" by some sort of arcane bullshit standards unknown to common man) make me feel so disproportionately awful about myself that I can't face those feelings amongst other people. In the past couple years, I've been able to name that specific pattern...which unfortunately doesn't make it go away, and I still don't know how to solve the little voice in my head that screams in endless loop "you are not good enough".
Or rather, the way I "solve" it is by running away (going somewhere else) and crying dramatically by myself in an empty hallway/bathroom/classroom/closet/hideyhole for a bit, and maybe writing. I can't actually cry forever, and so after a bit I start distracting myself and maybe playing dumb phone games (don't have to think about how awful I am if my active brain cycles are solving this sudoku!) or reaching out to people, and then after...5-10-15 minutes I can go back to the rest of the group and pretend I'm totally normal and I wasn't just completely over-the-top devastated by making one wrong strike out of 1200 while ringing bells or whatever.
((Sometimes it gets a lot stronger and sharper and takes *much* longer than that, but usually I can recognize and just cut my losses and go home. I've never had an RSD bout that lasted past "sleep", unless it was part of a legitimately non-dysphoric seriously bad thing (like getting fired from a job I love).))
Anyways, hi! welcome to my journal! My name is Kat (or Sor) and I am absolutely stereotypical ADHD (oo shiny!) and I write way too much and you are always welcome to leave comments and I'm following your journal too now!
~Sor
MOOP!
***
Oh man. Oh _man_. Like, learning there was a name for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria changed my life. It is generally an ADHD symptom (so if you definitely don't have ADHD it's much less likely that you have RSD specifically, but if you might have ADHD and do have this, then maybe that's a sign you should check out more other ADHD stuff (esp. beyond the stereotypes of "oo shiny!")).
It refers to being dysphorically scared of/upset by/sensitive about rejection -or, and this is critical, perceived rejection.
Dysphorically here refers to sorta "way outside normal bounds". Like, no one enjoys being rejected or having their ideas shot down, but I think most people can recognize that if you say "let's go have Chinese for lunch" and your roommate says "naw, not into it" they're not secretly saying "how dare you suggest such a thing you utter terrible fool, I will hate you forever for your insolence". (The "best" part is that it's not actually predictable when the RSD will be really bad, so nine times out of ten, the response would be "yeah, cool, Mexican then?" and only occasionally will your brain decide that you have Ruined Everything Irrevocably.)
The "also sensitive to perceived rejection" also includes the *potential* of being rejected, which ties a lot into Perfection Bullshit (not a clinical term) and things like "if I can't do this project right the first time I will be in big trouble with my boss and everything will be ruined so I can't work on it until I'm ready to do it right oh no it was due a week ago and now everything is worse how did this happen".
The running away is...not necessarily a part of it, except that certain events (common link: where I am not "perfect enough" by some sort of arcane bullshit standards unknown to common man) make me feel so disproportionately awful about myself that I can't face those feelings amongst other people. In the past couple years, I've been able to name that specific pattern...which unfortunately doesn't make it go away, and I still don't know how to solve the little voice in my head that screams in endless loop "you are not good enough".
Or rather, the way I "solve" it is by running away (going somewhere else) and crying dramatically by myself in an empty hallway/bathroom/classroom/closet/hideyhole for a bit, and maybe writing. I can't actually cry forever, and so after a bit I start distracting myself and maybe playing dumb phone games (don't have to think about how awful I am if my active brain cycles are solving this sudoku!) or reaching out to people, and then after...5-10-15 minutes I can go back to the rest of the group and pretend I'm totally normal and I wasn't just completely over-the-top devastated by making one wrong strike out of 1200 while ringing bells or whatever.
((Sometimes it gets a lot stronger and sharper and takes *much* longer than that, but usually I can recognize and just cut my losses and go home. I've never had an RSD bout that lasted past "sleep", unless it was part of a legitimately non-dysphoric seriously bad thing (like getting fired from a job I love).))
Anyways, hi! welcome to my journal! My name is Kat (or Sor) and I am absolutely stereotypical ADHD (oo shiny!) and I write way too much and you are always welcome to leave comments and I'm following your journal too now!
~Sor
MOOP!
no subject
on 2020-08-04 02:19 am (UTC)