Change in Music, Change in Heart
Jul. 2nd, 2020 11:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressAbout a year ago (maybe exactly, maybe as much as a month off in one direction or the other) I turned on Hollywood Ending, very loud, and I fell to the floor of my room, and I sobbed like a teenager with a broken heart.
My heart wasn't broken, and I knew that full well, but things were changing and sometimes it takes me some time to get used to that. My emotions have always been demonstrative, messy, loud. I'm more comfortable with that now than I've ever been, growing used to the ways I fill the world and rejecting the idea that being emotional is anything to be ashamed of.
This comes up because I've refound the same thread, a year later. Things are changing -and it will take me some time to get used to that. But something in the mood is different and there are parts of my heart that I never realized would be able to scar, I thought they would just be quiet open wounds forever.
I tried to listen to Hollywood Ending --I though it would be right-- but skipped past it once we hit the first "oo-wah", knowing that whatever it was I wanted, this wasn't actually it. It took me a minute or two before it hit: The song I needed to listen to was Weightless.
Weightless is a peculiar song, in that it's an unquestionable love song, and the boy I first associated it with, turns out to be the boy it was actually written for --yes, there is an odd thread of my history there that I never quite made explicit and won't state outright here either. But it's also a beautiful song, in that it's an unquestionable love song that believes in the future.
Hollywood Ending is a cynic's song. It's writ large in every line of the chorus "no one ever tells you when you're young / love's not like the books, the films, or the songs." It's an excellent pop song, it does what it needs to do, and it is precious like gold to howl along with when love is not doing what the stories say it should.
"Separate on perfect terms of amity and perfect days to come" is so close to the exact opposite. There is so much hope and joy and belief in the future there. It is, in a way, one of the strongest songs I know. It has the conviction that everything will still be good and that the best is not behind us but all around us, past and future and present.
It's the same thread, a year apart, and it is amazing to look bare at myself and see what has changed and what has grown. So congratulations boy. I'll get my hollywood ending.
~Sor
MOOP!
[This post is intentionally left cryptic, but they're both very good songs. Have some links! Hollywood Ending (youtube) and Weightless (bandcamp)]
My heart wasn't broken, and I knew that full well, but things were changing and sometimes it takes me some time to get used to that. My emotions have always been demonstrative, messy, loud. I'm more comfortable with that now than I've ever been, growing used to the ways I fill the world and rejecting the idea that being emotional is anything to be ashamed of.
This comes up because I've refound the same thread, a year later. Things are changing -and it will take me some time to get used to that. But something in the mood is different and there are parts of my heart that I never realized would be able to scar, I thought they would just be quiet open wounds forever.
I tried to listen to Hollywood Ending --I though it would be right-- but skipped past it once we hit the first "oo-wah", knowing that whatever it was I wanted, this wasn't actually it. It took me a minute or two before it hit: The song I needed to listen to was Weightless.
Weightless is a peculiar song, in that it's an unquestionable love song, and the boy I first associated it with, turns out to be the boy it was actually written for --yes, there is an odd thread of my history there that I never quite made explicit and won't state outright here either. But it's also a beautiful song, in that it's an unquestionable love song that believes in the future.
Hollywood Ending is a cynic's song. It's writ large in every line of the chorus "no one ever tells you when you're young / love's not like the books, the films, or the songs." It's an excellent pop song, it does what it needs to do, and it is precious like gold to howl along with when love is not doing what the stories say it should.
"Separate on perfect terms of amity and perfect days to come" is so close to the exact opposite. There is so much hope and joy and belief in the future there. It is, in a way, one of the strongest songs I know. It has the conviction that everything will still be good and that the best is not behind us but all around us, past and future and present.
It's the same thread, a year apart, and it is amazing to look bare at myself and see what has changed and what has grown. So congratulations boy. I'll get my hollywood ending.
~Sor
MOOP!
[This post is intentionally left cryptic, but they're both very good songs. Have some links! Hollywood Ending (youtube) and Weightless (bandcamp)]
no subject
on 2020-07-02 03:20 pm (UTC)