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Dec. 2nd, 2012 07:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressTrigger warning: Sexual assault/abuse
For a long time now -since ninth grade at least, meaning before I was actually abused- I have had a reoccurring dream theme of being molested. Not often, only once every eight or fourteen months. Someone I know (someone I'm friends with) sexually assaults me, and I'm unable to get away.
I wake up from these dreams feeling awful: trapped and scared, powerless, damaged. It's never the exact same situation or the same person, but almost always someone I know well enough to like and trust. It is horrifying on an entirely different level to dream of someone you like fracturing your trust so severely.
It's been a while since I had one of these dreams, but I had one last night (about someone at the dance weekend I was at, to make it all worse). In the dream, they took liberties with me, pawing at my body, roughly groping my ass and breasts. They were taking advantage of being bigger than my dream self to keep me helpless.
And in the dream, I managed to escape to somewhere public, and was actively accusing them to those around us. I was making plans as to how I could arrange my life to never see them again, to never be alone with them again. I was preparing to speak to the authorities. And I _knew_ it was in no way my fault.
It's the first time I've ever woken up from a molestation dream with a sense of empowerment lingering at the back of my mind, rather than sleeze.
I can only pray that future iterations of this dream go the same way. It's a twist ending I can live with.
~Sor
MOOP!
TW: Sexual assault/abuse
For a long time now -since ninth grade at least, meaning before I was actually abused- I have had a reoccurring dream theme of being molested. Not often, only once every eight or fourteen months. Someone I know (someone I'm friends with) sexually assaults me, and I'm unable to get away.
I wake up from these dreams feeling awful: trapped and scared, powerless, damaged. It's never the exact same situation or the same person, but almost always someone I know well enough to like and trust. It is horrifying on an entirely different level to dream of someone you like fracturing your trust so severely.
It's been a while since I had one of these dreams, but I had one last night (about someone at the dance weekend I was at, to make it all worse). In the dream, they took liberties with me, pawing at my body, roughly groping my ass and breasts. They were taking advantage of being bigger than my dream self to keep me helpless.
And in the dream, I managed to escape to somewhere public, and was actively accusing them to those around us. I was making plans as to how I could arrange my life to never see them again, to never be alone with them again. I was preparing to speak to the authorities. And I _knew_ it was in no way my fault.
It's the first time I've ever woken up from a molestation dream with a sense of empowerment lingering at the back of my mind, rather than sleeze.
I can only pray that future iterations of this dream go the same way. It's a twist ending I can live with.
~Sor
MOOP!
TW: Sexual assault/abuse