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sorcyressHappy New Years.
It's seven AM, new year's day. Twelve hours ago, I was at work, closing the shop. An hour later, I was at a party that was...not right, but close enough. There were many people I am fond of, and I spent a New Years playing games, which is a thing that never happened before --usually the number of people I want to spend time with far exceeds the amount of time I have. But with six people around a table, I felt rather that was perfect. And I lost at everything.
(But I was a smart-ass in Innovation, and I lost better than Pi did at the bumper cars game. *My* car had no points AND crashed into the wall. He merely had a score of zero.)
We counted down to midnight, all slammed together into the basement. I kissed many people fewer this year than I usually do, and none on the lips. That was the first thing that felt very strange about this year, and will most likely not be the last.
I had a need to pull away, just after, and I trailed upstairs where I could take photos in the mirror (including one for my mother that I will send her). Then I went outside to get another drink, and the mission was very simple and very clear. I would find a star and wish on it, the first wish of a new year.
Of course I won't tell you what I wished for.
It's not what I wanted to wish for, because that want was(is) frivolous, and this wish was(is) important. But I made my wish, and stood for a moment, and whispered happy new year to the blackness. And then there were tears on my cheeks and I knew, very hard, that I should distract myself before I started sobbing.
So I went back inside, and spent an hour or two talking to interesting people. I left concurrent with one of them, and he invited me back to his place (a few blocks away) for hot chocolate. Being as it's a proven fact you can lure the Sorcyress with hot drinks, I followed him home, and we spent several hours chatting and drinking rather well-made chocolate. I approve.
I biked home just a few minutes ago --downhill most of the way, and the only tricky bit was going through Powderhouse circle. And now I am home, and theoretically I should sleep, but in all honesty...I'm not ready to. I feel really quite awake, be it adrenaline or enthusiasm. Were I a truly organized sort, I'd be finding some high place to watch the sunrise, but let's face it, that's a difficult attempt in this city.
And just now, sitting here, it has occurred to me the solution to my problems. I am hurt that I will not spend the night of New Years sleeping between two people who love me, who I love. Fine. There's an easy way to fix that.
I will not sleep.
The holiday was very different, and there were things unspoken I wish could have found voice. I miss my mother. I miss all I love. I miss you, whoever you are, reading this tonight.
But I am happy, and I think that maybe if 2011 was a wonderful year than 2012 will be as well. And maybe if 2011 was horrible, 2012 will just be better.
Happy New Years, cats and kotchkas. Be well and know I love you.
~Sor Kyress
MOOP!
It's seven AM, new year's day. Twelve hours ago, I was at work, closing the shop. An hour later, I was at a party that was...not right, but close enough. There were many people I am fond of, and I spent a New Years playing games, which is a thing that never happened before --usually the number of people I want to spend time with far exceeds the amount of time I have. But with six people around a table, I felt rather that was perfect. And I lost at everything.
(But I was a smart-ass in Innovation, and I lost better than Pi did at the bumper cars game. *My* car had no points AND crashed into the wall. He merely had a score of zero.)
We counted down to midnight, all slammed together into the basement. I kissed many people fewer this year than I usually do, and none on the lips. That was the first thing that felt very strange about this year, and will most likely not be the last.
I had a need to pull away, just after, and I trailed upstairs where I could take photos in the mirror (including one for my mother that I will send her). Then I went outside to get another drink, and the mission was very simple and very clear. I would find a star and wish on it, the first wish of a new year.
Of course I won't tell you what I wished for.
It's not what I wanted to wish for, because that want was(is) frivolous, and this wish was(is) important. But I made my wish, and stood for a moment, and whispered happy new year to the blackness. And then there were tears on my cheeks and I knew, very hard, that I should distract myself before I started sobbing.
So I went back inside, and spent an hour or two talking to interesting people. I left concurrent with one of them, and he invited me back to his place (a few blocks away) for hot chocolate. Being as it's a proven fact you can lure the Sorcyress with hot drinks, I followed him home, and we spent several hours chatting and drinking rather well-made chocolate. I approve.
I biked home just a few minutes ago --downhill most of the way, and the only tricky bit was going through Powderhouse circle. And now I am home, and theoretically I should sleep, but in all honesty...I'm not ready to. I feel really quite awake, be it adrenaline or enthusiasm. Were I a truly organized sort, I'd be finding some high place to watch the sunrise, but let's face it, that's a difficult attempt in this city.
And just now, sitting here, it has occurred to me the solution to my problems. I am hurt that I will not spend the night of New Years sleeping between two people who love me, who I love. Fine. There's an easy way to fix that.
I will not sleep.
The holiday was very different, and there were things unspoken I wish could have found voice. I miss my mother. I miss all I love. I miss you, whoever you are, reading this tonight.
But I am happy, and I think that maybe if 2011 was a wonderful year than 2012 will be as well. And maybe if 2011 was horrible, 2012 will just be better.
Happy New Years, cats and kotchkas. Be well and know I love you.
~Sor Kyress
MOOP!
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no subject
on 2012-06-30 09:34 pm (UTC)