(no subject)

[sorcyress]

My perfect partner

This is partially based off Sparr's My Perfect Girl which is one of my personally favourite things on the entire internet. I reread that every couple of months, at least in part to make sure I'm on track.

To preface this, one of the reasons I cite most often for my polyamorous nature is the fact that I can get different needs from different sources. I'm not altogether sure if there is a person (future past or present) who can meet this entire list, and if there is, I'm not altogether sure I ever expect to find them. So while these are all traits I look for, they are not all traits I expect or need, at least not in the same person.

This list is permanently in a stage of non-completion. I may or may not come back and add things to it later.

• They like Resee's Peanut Butter Cups. This is by far the least stringent of my guidelines, but it's a fairly impressive random correlation across the people I date or have dated. This led to a fascinating couple of moments at Pinewoods, where I was judging my compatibility with people based on whether or not they would accept this candy from me. I really should just keep a stash of these on hand at all times for potential visits from partners.
  
  And yes, this is my father's favourite candy. I know. My daddy issues, let me show you them ALL OVER THE PLACE.



• They are okay with queerness. Not just my own genderfuckery and awesomesexuality, but other people as well. I don't insist that they be queer themself, (either genderwise or sexualitywise) but if they can't be cool with the fact that there are people who are non-hetero and/or non-cis then I can't be cool with them. Bonus points awarded to cismen who wear skirts, especially if they are willing to wear them out and about in the world --not just to dances or fetish events or costume parties (socially acceptable, or at least more acceptable, places). This is both because I really like the look of guys in skirts, and because I am a HUGE proponent of de-stigmatizing femininity, and this is a good way to get that across.



• Continuing the theme, they are, if not an activist, at least a decent person. I am not interested in you if you are expressing hate for a group. Bonus points if you know what your privileges are, and actively try to keep track of not being a douche about them, or if you otherwise fight the kyriarchy. Also if you're willing to call me out when I'm being hurtful.



• They are passionate. About something. Maybe it's something I'm not into, maybe it's something I am, but either way, having things you care about --really truly deeply care about-- is a whopping good sign. If you can't get excited about something in this world, then I worry for you, 'cause there's an awful lot of world to be excited about.



• They can keep up with me in conversation. They can keep up with me across various communication forms, online and off, and express themself clearly and keep my interest. I am babbly and clever and enthusiastic, and if you cannot keep up with my convoluted mind in conversation, I am not interested. Bonus points if you are willing to communicate in the forms I communicate in best --textual: letters, instant messages, e-mails, etc.



• They challenge me. To be a better person, to be a more interesting person, to create things, whatever. They make me feel good about myself when I am with them. They accept me as I am, but expect that I could become better.



• They are okay with my having multiple relationships, of both the love and sex variety. I don't insist on them being poly themself, but if they can't handle that I have other people in my life who are just as or more important, that's not going to work out.



• I don't require sex in my relationships, but if it is going to be present, at a minimum, they need to be consent-oriented, communicative, responsive, and enthusiastic. If you don't express enjoyment towards what I do to and with you, I'm not going to want to do more of it. Much the same with kink. There is probably an entirely separate list of "my perfect sex partner" but for this, just get me those four things. Bonus points if you're kinky, in some direction compatible to me, because let's face it, I'm a dirty slut who likes sex. But it's not *required* and I can love someone just as solidly and fuck them just as hard without ever bringing kink into the deal.



• Pretty sure they've got to be a geek. Pretty sure --and I know damn well this is intellectual elitism of the finest sort-- they've got to be smart. As smart or smarter than me is a bonus. I will gladly accept "clever" over more traditional smart, or other variants. But I can't deal longterm with someone I don't respect intellectually.



• They are low-maintenance. This includes the ability to figure things out on their own (google is right there, folks, and it can solve a lot of your "how do I...?" problems), the ability to entertain themselves out and about (with or without my help) and the *crucial* ability to be able to cope without me. Relatedly they can't be clingy. If your life is not complete without me, then it absolutely sucks to be you, because I will run so fast the other direction the second you pull that on me.



• They can put up with my fractures, and my failings, and my crazy, and my scars. They will hold me when I cry. Ideally, they will know how to seek me out, and when, and be able to intuit when I am not great without making me have to say it, or come to them. They will know that I am broken, but that I am absolutely worth putting up with.



• They are impulsive enough, or prepared enough, to go on adventures with little notice. This includes going to the parts of the world that are beautiful and tucked away (like the tower in Somerville, or the creepytunnel, or the Randall Munroe Sweet Ass-Playground) or the parts of the world that you're not allowed to visit. They will lead me on adventures, and let me lead them. Bonus points for anyone associated with MIT's hackers.



• They are touch friendly. I am a very touch-needy person, while also being very limited in who I am willing to give my touch to. One of the things I need from a relationship is a willingness to let me hold hands, or give and receive backrubs and little bites, or hugs and hugs and hugs. I am perfectly happy to date someone asexual, I do not think I would enjoy dating someone who does not enjoy casual touch.



• They create things. I date writers sometimes, and that means every once in a great while I wake up to a story in my inbox. This is pretty much my favourite thing, but there's more than just that. I like art of all kinds, and I like function of all kinds, and I like to see the two blended. I adore creations just for me, but if you are not adding to the world, it makes me less entranced.



• They dance. Bonus points if they dance archy or mischief, if they can easily switch roles, if they are more interested in the form and movement and challenge than in "that's the way it's always been done."



• They are practical. They are useful, and quick-on-the-uptake, and able to get things done. They do not, for Athe's sake, dither. I am serious about this one, if I find you ineffectual, I will never pursue you. And you'll probably never pursue me because you don't have the motivation or organization to get past the "does she like me?" and just fucking ask. I have no patience for people who insist on a particular partner being in charge of getting things done, be it dates or relationships.



• They have enough romance to understand when I stutter or stop or cry at their actions, because I am not used to something so impossibly sweet or caring. I may well never be used to such actions, because I am so headstrong and dominant and absurdly self-centered that too often I become the one in control, the one to give flowers, to ask them on dates, to make them things.



• They are mildly sociopathic. This wavers, and I couldn't describe what the good version of this is as opposed to the bad version. They must remain a relatively "good" person. But I like a little bit of cold calculation on occasion. Sherlock, from the recent BBC series? Yeah, he pushes all the right buttons with this one.

Alright. I have run out of things, and this is like 1300 words long or something. Going to post it, and if I've clearly forgotten something, you can remind me of it in comments.

And to reiterate, I'm not sure there's anyone I'm dating who meets all these criteria. I'm not sure there's anyone who I'd be willing to date who meets all these criteria. This isn't a checklist, it's a set of approximate guidelines, the things I am more likely to look for, or notice. Similarly, you can be all these things and I just won't care, or find something otherwise repellent. This is because I am complicated, and you're just going to have to deal with it.

And for mek, and Magus, and sir, and Sparr? You are all awesome and amazing and make my life far better than it would be without you folks. I love you all, in varying intensities and amounts as fits, and will do everything in my power to keep you lot around. <3

~Sor
MOOP!

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