MOOP!

... which is not to say that there's any issue with your long post but more about my brain not being able to cope.. i should turn on some Kate Bush ("...Pray God you can cope...") to eleven, clearly.

"...then it just hurts more and I am tired of it hurting _more_. Things aren't supposed to keep hurting more. Shouldn't pain level out at some point?"

Yes. Yes it should. I think this particular pain might've gotten close to level for now, the problem is just that level is a lot of pain, and so I can only lock it away for so long before it rages at me again.

Gods, yar. i had several thoughts about this but they are fighting coming to the Fore. But about that, i do have this to say: i wish i could lock mine away for even a little bit.. best i ever can hope for is that my ADD'll kick in and i'll *forget* about it first :P Yesterday was a good example.. i went into a rage, exploded at poor Winto all directions, promptly melted and sank into a depression. Wait. that's not a good example of forgetting about my rage.. that's a good example of progressing it into self-hate. Ahwell, Never Mind then.
>.>

Now, what was i saying? </ADD>

Speaking of which, I'm almost eligible again. Anyone want to go to the red cross with me this weekend?

i have never been able to give blood. :(

Also, i'd love to. Come pick me up >.>

y'all do know who Hyde is, right? He lives in my head and gives me not terribly good advice. Because I am, say it with me folks, a little bit broken.

Ayuppers totally know who Hyde is. and *hgugles* on the borken part. And me too. Don't have a Hyde, per se, but there's my "evil twin" Cassandra to whom we assign all my behavoir when i'm in a Red Rage. That seems to help with deflecting some of the self-hate. It isn't me, it's Cassandra doing that stuff.

Though, i think part of what gets me & W through the end of the day is that we have complementary borken parts... so our unborken parts can support each other's borken parts. Isn't perfect but it's what we got.

And i find it amusing in a rather sardonic way that you post these on the heels of me having a horrible day. i hope you din't catch any of it from me </worry/guilt/etc>

P.S. dang, forgot what i was going to say here. Picture something terribly endearing & witty here. Thanks.