X Years Ago Today

[sorcyress]

A year ago today, it was 2008, and I wrote a pretty decent essay on friendship privileges. If your name is macaroniandtuna, didn't you promise to give me thoughts like...eleven and a half months ago or something?

The actual posting of that one involved little bits and pieces of drama that I don't feel like going into. And when I originally wrote it, I will admit there was a little bit of a "HINT HINT!" involved for someone certain, which I so got past by the time I posted it. I try very hard not to hint hint people in my livejournal.

(Okay, really, I just try very hard not to hint hint people. If I want a relationship, I should be man² enough to ask the damn person if there's any hope for us. It's amazing what a little bit of communication will do.)

I was pretty happy with the writing of that one, though, and since I think at least half of the goal of this project is to find really good things that I've written and bring them back to public attention, go read!.

~Sor
MOOP!

((OH! Also, twenty one years ago today it was 1988, and muzikmaker21 was born. I didn't bother blagging about this at the time, which was a massive oversight. Sorry dude. Have a good birthday, 'k brotherfather?))

1: I have the nasty habit of being dumped by boys I'm not dating. I'm pretty sure it's happened three, maybe even four times now.³

2: Woman enough, awesome enough, fuck, I don't know. It's just the way I talk, I talk kinda misogynistic, okay? I don't like it either.

3: Ahahahaha, notetoself, if you're going to decide to delete a part of the entry you're writing, delete the relevant footnotes as well. Although this one amuses me. Consider it your Fun Sorcy Fact of the day or something.

Comments

oh frak

[woozle.livejournal.com]

I guess that means I have to actually write it instead of letting it slide. Okay, here goes...

I don't really draw boundaries like that -- but then I don't exactly want to schtupp anyone either... which seems kind of like the defining difference between platonic and non-platonic.

...which I think is because of the gender dysphoria -- if I want your body, I mean it literally: you have 30 days to find another host for your brain, I'm moving in after that. (Well, okay, I wouldn't actually evict anyone; I'm a lousy mad scientist.) In real life, this seems to translate into a sort of wistful but intense nurturing feeling (towards those to whom I am attracted) which I can't really turn off. (Usually the nurturing is positive, but I sometimes have to stop myself from wanting them to express {who I'd be if I were them} instead of who they actually are.)

(It used to translate into a lot of other stuff -- wanting desperately to live with them, be with them every minute of the day, be constantly in physical contact, hide behind them wherever possible, I could probably go on but will spare you -- which I thought must be what other people meant by "love", since so many of the symptoms were the same. It seems related, but I think it must actually be substantially different. Not knowing what that-kind-of-"love" means to other people, though, I couldn't say what that difference was.)

However, I can't really say I've ever been in the reverse situation: having someone say they were attracted to me when I wasn't attracted to them. I don't know what that's like, so I can't easily imagine how my feelings for them would be affected.

I tend to be attracted to a lot of people (always female, usually young initially but it doesn't seem to go away as they get older) and I generally just don't say anything beyond what seems platonically* correct... because while I might very much enjoy a good snuggle (naked or otherwise), I seriously don't expect even that much to happen (especially not without getting tangled up in mistakenly assumed schtupping intentions), and -- perhaps more importantly -- I know that what my gender-dysphoricized drives actually want is simply impossible, due to my current physical misconfiguration.

And that's probably/maybe not what Harena was expecting, but that's what I was thinking. (There are some other little tangent-thoughts I could pursue, but if I start writing about them now I'll never actually finish this.)

(* spellcheck wants this to be "Platonic ally". Is it trying to tell me something?)

Re: oh frak

[harena.livejournal.com]

No, maybe not, but i think Sor'll still like reading about it.. and me too 'cause it's the first time i think i have seen that stuff inside your head nicely consolidated in one place like that. *Nod*