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Jan. 31st, 2007 08:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressThere are such things as fun in the world, yesterday was probably not it.
Minor (that's a lie) panic attack and breakdown. And by minor, I mean lasted for something like an hour and a half? Hum
No, the bad part lasted about an hour, then being held by Ksatyr which helped like anything in making me feel safe, then went to Kung-fu for an hour and worked and lost track of life and managed to get myself mostly stable.
Didn't hit catharsispoint (The point where I can tell I'm no longer having a breakdown) until well after I got home, probably not until eight thirty or nine. Found it somewhere in the middle of reading the first chapter of Arrows of the Queen to Ksatyr. So yeah, woo catharsis. :p
***
So yeah. Forcing myself into a mask is good, because it does help calm me down. Going somewhere where I'm forced to do things with my body is good because that both tires me out and refocuses me. Books are good because they continue to be a way to escape, and one I'm unlikely to ever lose.
Breaking down is not so good. What can I say, I'm a fucked up individual, and it's taking me a long time to learn how to fix that. I need to be better at communicating to people (though some things just can't be said in words, especially not in text) and I need to figure out a way to get myself to the point where I can show weakness.
Which, it's really odd to realize, but I really do have serious difficulty with showing weakness of any sort, but especially mental. Call it pride, call it hiding, but I have to be strong for the world, and I need to teach myself that that's not really true.
Pretend that made sense. See above note about being fucked up.
As for right now, I'm okay. I'm masked myself into normality, laughing at Uncyclopedias version of Zork with Becky and generally enjoying life like I normally do.
Underneathe it all, I feel reeeeeeeeally drained though.
Woof. Bells. See yas
~Sor
MOOP!
Minor (that's a lie) panic attack and breakdown. And by minor, I mean lasted for something like an hour and a half? Hum
No, the bad part lasted about an hour, then being held by Ksatyr which helped like anything in making me feel safe, then went to Kung-fu for an hour and worked and lost track of life and managed to get myself mostly stable.
Didn't hit catharsispoint (The point where I can tell I'm no longer having a breakdown) until well after I got home, probably not until eight thirty or nine. Found it somewhere in the middle of reading the first chapter of Arrows of the Queen to Ksatyr. So yeah, woo catharsis. :p
***
So yeah. Forcing myself into a mask is good, because it does help calm me down. Going somewhere where I'm forced to do things with my body is good because that both tires me out and refocuses me. Books are good because they continue to be a way to escape, and one I'm unlikely to ever lose.
Breaking down is not so good. What can I say, I'm a fucked up individual, and it's taking me a long time to learn how to fix that. I need to be better at communicating to people (though some things just can't be said in words, especially not in text) and I need to figure out a way to get myself to the point where I can show weakness.
Which, it's really odd to realize, but I really do have serious difficulty with showing weakness of any sort, but especially mental. Call it pride, call it hiding, but I have to be strong for the world, and I need to teach myself that that's not really true.
Pretend that made sense. See above note about being fucked up.
As for right now, I'm okay. I'm masked myself into normality, laughing at Uncyclopedias version of Zork with Becky and generally enjoying life like I normally do.
Underneathe it all, I feel reeeeeeeeally drained though.
Woof. Bells. See yas
~Sor
MOOP!