Housecleaning and other accomplishments

Today managed to have some small amount of accomplishment. Let's review!

The most notable accomplishment was letting the realtor bring people into the house to look at it and hopefully rent it (so that the realtor does not need to bring more people into the house). People all wore masks! I negotiated with the realtor such that we didn't have to see people on less than 24 hours notice, or during times inconvenient to us! The cat did not run away! Please gods let one of these people decide to take the house because I was very very stressed by the existence of other humans even with every window open and fans running.

Subsequently I wiped down every doorknob and lightswitch in the place with isopropyl alcohol. The house needed it in general, but it also felt like a nice totem against the existence of strangers.

I fucking hate what this pandemic has done to me(us) in terms of social engagement and community.

Before people came to visit, I managed to do some cleaning tasks, so that was also gooooh shit I have laundry in the washer ah hell BRB.

OKAY THINGS ARE SLIGHTLY BETTER NOW! Cleaning tasks I accomplished today:
*Ran two loads of laundry, have currently put away zero. Not sure I'll get that done or not before I go to sleep, because braaains.
*Cleaned the stove
*Swept the dining room, straightened up
*Straightened up the kitchen (Ezri did more of that), did the dishes
*Also loaded and ran the dishwasher just now, that's pretty good
*Straightened up my room a bit, yayyy. Honestly, it's a little depressing how good a difference I made merely by putting away all the clothes in their appropriate clean/dirty places.
*But also I stripped the bed and remade it with clean sheets and put away some of the blankets so that it's still strongly Pillowtopia, but has a more reasonable blanket selection especially considering I've mostly just been using a sheet lately.
*Seriously, I bought new pillows a couple months ago but haven't gotten rid of the old ones yet so now my bed has like seven pillows in various degrees of flat and I am so happy about it.
*Also I swept, and was horrified by how much junk was on my floor and okay yeah I should sweep more often, fine.

So I guess all that was pretty good.

Also I met up with the Pinewoods co-chairs and we recorded a brief thing for the ceilidh that's happening in a couple weeks. Oh, and I actually made it to bells which is not always a given! Of course I had _basically zero_ brain (stress from realtor and the cat hiding) and I didn't take my meds today (sleep schedule weirdness and wanting to ensure I was actually tired when it was time to go to bed instead of staying up several hours later) so I was pretty terrible at actually paying attention to the ringing. I managed to do a touch of plain bob major, and a plain course of surprise trebling (everyone else was doing Cornwall), and I only fell asleep at the keyoard a little bit. I'm probably joking.

I did not make it to the RSCDS@home, which is annoying but usual. Maybe next week, they sighed, their brain a certifiable mush.

I haven't figured out how to fix any of the Giant Personal Problems facing me, to wit, I am really bad at regulating myself without set external scheduling and this pandemic fucking sucks for my ADHD. The function/happiness model of "how are you" has been a godsend and I've been trying to be more aware of myself and where I'm at, but everything's also really frustrating and exhausting.

Tomorrow I might get to look at a river though, so that part's pretty cool. I hope you're doing well. I love you. <3

~Sor
MOOP!

Change in Music, Change in Heart

About a year ago (maybe exactly, maybe as much as a month off in one direction or the other) I turned on Hollywood Ending, very loud, and I fell to the floor of my room, and I sobbed like a teenager with a broken heart.

My heart wasn't broken, and I knew that full well, but things were changing and sometimes it takes me some time to get used to that. My emotions have always been demonstrative, messy, loud. I'm more comfortable with that now than I've ever been, growing used to the ways I fill the world and rejecting the idea that being emotional is anything to be ashamed of.

This comes up because I've refound the same thread, a year later. Things are changing -and it will take me some time to get used to that. But something in the mood is different and there are parts of my heart that I never realized would be able to scar, I thought they would just be quiet open wounds forever.

I tried to listen to Hollywood Ending --I though it would be right-- but skipped past it once we hit the first "oo-wah", knowing that whatever it was I wanted, this wasn't actually it. It took me a minute or two before it hit: The song I needed to listen to was Weightless.

Weightless is a peculiar song, in that it's an unquestionable love song, and the boy I first associated it with, turns out to be the boy it was actually written for --yes, there is an odd thread of my history there that I never quite made explicit and won't state outright here either. But it's also a beautiful song, in that it's an unquestionable love song that believes in the future.

Hollywood Ending is a cynic's song. It's writ large in every line of the chorus "no one ever tells you when you're young / love's not like the books, the films, or the songs." It's an excellent pop song, it does what it needs to do, and it is precious like gold to howl along with when love is not doing what the stories say it should.

"Separate on perfect terms of amity and perfect days to come" is so close to the exact opposite. There is so much hope and joy and belief in the future there. It is, in a way, one of the strongest songs I know. It has the conviction that everything will still be good and that the best is not behind us but all around us, past and future and present.

It's the same thread, a year apart, and it is amazing to look bare at myself and see what has changed and what has grown. So congratulations boy. I'll get my hollywood ending.

~Sor
MOOP!

[This post is intentionally left cryptic, but they're both very good songs. Have some links! Hollywood Ending (youtube) and Weightless (bandcamp)]