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Mar. 15th, 2019 10:28 pmToday there was only one task accomplished because I wound up spontaneously going to an early St. Paddys day pub crawl with some of the teachers from school. It was fun! It was fun, and it was social, and I got to talk/listen about sex ed with the biology teachers and got to enjoy the overwhelming Maureenness of Maureen0, and it was nice.
I mentioned in passing to Kayla that I didn't drink, she asked why, then caught herself and said something like "that's very personal, sorry". I told her it wasn't traumatic or anything, I just don't enjoy being tipsy or drunk and I'm a lightweight. Later in the conversation she said something about how admirable it was that I was willing to come out on pub crawls anyway, and just like...yes?
Like, it would be a totally different situation if I had an alcoholic history, or bad family associations with alcohol, but like... it's not brave or daring or whatever of me to come socialize with my coworkers? Not even if we're at a bar and they're drinking but I'm not? It's just...my coworkers (some of whom are vaguely friend-shaped, if not actual friends1) and I standing around chatting, and yes they're drinking but like...that doesn't actually change the social parameters super much?
I mean, it is a true fact that I don't want to be around people who are drunk, because drunk folk are usually less controlled. I've said before there's a difference between self-discipline and self-control, and I only have one of those traits. People who aren't in control of themselves make me uncomfortable, because it's just...so foreign to me.
What do you mean you haven't spent years and years being too loud and too clumsy and too much and therefore perfecting the art of tucking in your voice and elbows and emotions so that you don't bother anyone?
The other interesting conversation was when [Bio student teacher whose name I can't remember, aug] asked me about living in other countries, and I told her I didn't think I was brave enough to try it. She asked why not, and when a latina with clear-but-accented English asks you why you're not brave enough to live in another country, you need to put actual thought into your answer, and answer it well.
I did well enough for conversation2, and well enough for me, but it makes me feel weird and guilty and wrong sometimes that I don't wish to live outside the United States, and don't actually have a particularly strong wanderlust for out-of-country travel either. Plus, the US is already so fascinating and different as you go from bit to bit of it, I haven't finished poking around all the corners here yet!
Anyways, it was a nice unexpected social at the end of a _very_ long week.
~Sor
MOOP!
0: One of my favourite teachers at the school! We had outside duty together first quarter, and could socialize while telling the kids to get out of school already, which makes it weird and a little sad to suddenly switch to never seeing her for the last four months. Alas, she works on the fourth floor and I in the basement and never shall our paths cross!
1: I have found that I would like to be friends with many of my coworkers, but I'm an agender, polyamorous, queer and until and unless I can not explicitly lie about that to someone, I don't think I can really consider them an actual "friend" (and not in the weird way Facebook uses the term...although almost none of my coworkers are my Facebook friends anyways).
This will likely shift after I gain professional status and become harder to fire. One year, one quarter, and three weeks. Sigh.
2: For reference, because I don't know a significant enough population anywhere outside the US and making friends is hard, and because I'm rubbish at languages and really like conversations and don't want to resign myself to a long time learning how to speak again.
I mentioned in passing to Kayla that I didn't drink, she asked why, then caught herself and said something like "that's very personal, sorry". I told her it wasn't traumatic or anything, I just don't enjoy being tipsy or drunk and I'm a lightweight. Later in the conversation she said something about how admirable it was that I was willing to come out on pub crawls anyway, and just like...yes?
Like, it would be a totally different situation if I had an alcoholic history, or bad family associations with alcohol, but like... it's not brave or daring or whatever of me to come socialize with my coworkers? Not even if we're at a bar and they're drinking but I'm not? It's just...my coworkers (some of whom are vaguely friend-shaped, if not actual friends1) and I standing around chatting, and yes they're drinking but like...that doesn't actually change the social parameters super much?
I mean, it is a true fact that I don't want to be around people who are drunk, because drunk folk are usually less controlled. I've said before there's a difference between self-discipline and self-control, and I only have one of those traits. People who aren't in control of themselves make me uncomfortable, because it's just...so foreign to me.
What do you mean you haven't spent years and years being too loud and too clumsy and too much and therefore perfecting the art of tucking in your voice and elbows and emotions so that you don't bother anyone?
The other interesting conversation was when [Bio student teacher whose name I can't remember, aug] asked me about living in other countries, and I told her I didn't think I was brave enough to try it. She asked why not, and when a latina with clear-but-accented English asks you why you're not brave enough to live in another country, you need to put actual thought into your answer, and answer it well.
I did well enough for conversation2, and well enough for me, but it makes me feel weird and guilty and wrong sometimes that I don't wish to live outside the United States, and don't actually have a particularly strong wanderlust for out-of-country travel either. Plus, the US is already so fascinating and different as you go from bit to bit of it, I haven't finished poking around all the corners here yet!
Anyways, it was a nice unexpected social at the end of a _very_ long week.
~Sor
MOOP!
0: One of my favourite teachers at the school! We had outside duty together first quarter, and could socialize while telling the kids to get out of school already, which makes it weird and a little sad to suddenly switch to never seeing her for the last four months. Alas, she works on the fourth floor and I in the basement and never shall our paths cross!
1: I have found that I would like to be friends with many of my coworkers, but I'm an agender, polyamorous, queer and until and unless I can not explicitly lie about that to someone, I don't think I can really consider them an actual "friend" (and not in the weird way Facebook uses the term...although almost none of my coworkers are my Facebook friends anyways).
This will likely shift after I gain professional status and become harder to fire. One year, one quarter, and three weeks. Sigh.
2: For reference, because I don't know a significant enough population anywhere outside the US and making friends is hard, and because I'm rubbish at languages and really like conversations and don't want to resign myself to a long time learning how to speak again.