Jul. 31st, 2017

sorcyress: Just a picture of my eye (Me-Eye)
I was reading old 750w entries from 2010, see also, the only time I've ever managed to keep a streak going for >200 days. It was...wow.

I have grown some in the last seven years. 21!me is vaguely embarrassing and at times cringeworthy. But she (and there's a weird word, that it's she then and they now) is still so clearly me and awesome and growing into herself.

Because I lost the diary I kept first semester of college, it is always insanely gratifying to see that the narrative of my abusive ex is not something I've made up wholecloth. These things he did to me really did happen, and I've been processing them for years now.

(In 2010, I wasn't out as an abuse/rape survivor, but I was slowly telling people, and writing heavily filtered entries on LJ. That's a weird thing to read.)

It's sad to see some of the friends mentioned --apparently in late 2010, I was hanging out with Rackle a lot, who I haven't talked to in ages. In the blessed land of college classes and sleeping in indefinitely, I was following up squares nearly every night with visiting one of a handful of people and hanging out with them --can you imagine, not having such a curfew that you can regularly stay awake for hours *after* the end of dancing?

I obtained a bicycle, but I didn't write much about that. I obtained a sir, and I wrote a _lot_ about that, about how unbelievably happy I was with him. (Seven years later (almost, our seventh anniversary is my 28th birthday) I am still unbelievably happy with him.)

The whole point of the exercise came from me casually bragging about the older mischief levels of Squares, and how I started hexing when I was only partway through the class. Offhand, I thought I had begun being gemini in a hex at about week eight. According to my notes, apparently I started as early as week five, and I did my first solo hex (which is to say, me and 11 other people instead of 12) at week 7.

Yeah. yeah. I can't imagine now the level of self-confidence and bravado 21!self had. I mean, I am very good at the kinesthetic parts of square dancing --I can translate music timing into moving very well, and I'm good at seeing and feeling where I'm supposed to be.

But holy christ child, I know you were being encouraged by a bunch of wonderful/terrible people, but dancing hexes by yourself before graduating mainstream? Truly, bravo.

At any rate, I ought to write more. Writing is good for defeating the depression, it's good for my brain and sorting things out, it's really good for later when I want to prove to myself that something was real.

I'm gonna try and do the August challenge at 750words. Write at least that much, every day of the month. Yes, even with visiting mom and Gencon and the like. Good luck, self!



sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
Katarina Whimsy

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