![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Oct. 4th, 2012 07:41 pmMild trigger warning for rape/sexual abuse
I am supposed to be angeling at squares tonight, but I might've just run out of cope. Trying to figure out just how bad of a person I am for not going, but all my guilt is being thwarted by exhaustion. It's been a hell of a day.
***
This morning, I went off to the Boston Public Library and let myself be photographed for Project Unbreakable (Major trigger warning for this link). I brought Emily along, who is a stuffed elephant patterned with jungle animals. I then completely forgot to explain to the photographer why I brought her along, which is probably okay, because I'm sure she's quite inundated with stories already.
I spent much of the time before the photoshoot cursing the fuck out of Todd Akin's name for introducing the term "legitimate rape" to my insecurities. Shut up, brain. It was sexual and emotional abuse, and rape is a fine term for it. I don't care about your "but maybe--", you are purposefully trying to make me feel bad about this, and that is strictly not allowed.
***
Stuff. I have an entire other post that I wrote a couple weeks ago that should go in this space. Maybe I will post it soon, since I seem to be on an upswing.
(I miss longform writing. A lot.)
***
This afternoon was the second part of one of the more interesting studies I've done. See, I've been doing lots and lots of brain studies at Harvard and MIT and whatnot, because they pay you money to take surveys and be fucked with, and I'm ultimately okay with that.
But this one was paying a lot more than most. Why? Because it involved sitting there with a heating element strapped to your wrist and trying not to scream like a dying coed as they turned it up and asked you to rate the pain. No, no, there was no _real_ damage done (my wrists were red and shiny for a bit after, but it faded fast), but I am now a little bit tender. Between this and All! The! Bullshit! with the T, it seems I have a culprit for why I don't want to haul my ass to MIT for an hour.
***
I don't seem to be at MIT yet, and I needed to leave fifteen minutes ago. Given that tomorrow is a very early morning, and a fairly long day, I think I'll just send out a very apologetic e-mail. And maybe I will sleep, or clean my room, or write, and maybe I will just curl up on the bed and drink tea.
...or maybe I will bring my laptop and some tea1 over to Sparr's house, and watch him assemble a bed and make snarky comments and neveryoumind that I've spent like ten days straight in his company, some weeks I just need to be clingy and he is foolish enough to be here.
Yeah. That sounds like a good plan. Gonna go pack a bag and then do that or something.
~Sor
MOOP!
1: because he is my uncivilized boyfriend and doesn't have any.
I am supposed to be angeling at squares tonight, but I might've just run out of cope. Trying to figure out just how bad of a person I am for not going, but all my guilt is being thwarted by exhaustion. It's been a hell of a day.
***
This morning, I went off to the Boston Public Library and let myself be photographed for Project Unbreakable (Major trigger warning for this link). I brought Emily along, who is a stuffed elephant patterned with jungle animals. I then completely forgot to explain to the photographer why I brought her along, which is probably okay, because I'm sure she's quite inundated with stories already.
I spent much of the time before the photoshoot cursing the fuck out of Todd Akin's name for introducing the term "legitimate rape" to my insecurities. Shut up, brain. It was sexual and emotional abuse, and rape is a fine term for it. I don't care about your "but maybe--", you are purposefully trying to make me feel bad about this, and that is strictly not allowed.
***
Stuff. I have an entire other post that I wrote a couple weeks ago that should go in this space. Maybe I will post it soon, since I seem to be on an upswing.
(I miss longform writing. A lot.)
***
This afternoon was the second part of one of the more interesting studies I've done. See, I've been doing lots and lots of brain studies at Harvard and MIT and whatnot, because they pay you money to take surveys and be fucked with, and I'm ultimately okay with that.
But this one was paying a lot more than most. Why? Because it involved sitting there with a heating element strapped to your wrist and trying not to scream like a dying coed as they turned it up and asked you to rate the pain. No, no, there was no _real_ damage done (my wrists were red and shiny for a bit after, but it faded fast), but I am now a little bit tender. Between this and All! The! Bullshit! with the T, it seems I have a culprit for why I don't want to haul my ass to MIT for an hour.
***
I don't seem to be at MIT yet, and I needed to leave fifteen minutes ago. Given that tomorrow is a very early morning, and a fairly long day, I think I'll just send out a very apologetic e-mail. And maybe I will sleep, or clean my room, or write, and maybe I will just curl up on the bed and drink tea.
...or maybe I will bring my laptop and some tea1 over to Sparr's house, and watch him assemble a bed and make snarky comments and neveryoumind that I've spent like ten days straight in his company, some weeks I just need to be clingy and he is foolish enough to be here.
Yeah. That sounds like a good plan. Gonna go pack a bag and then do that or something.
~Sor
MOOP!
1: because he is my uncivilized boyfriend and doesn't have any.