Hack alert
May. 26th, 2020 02:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressSo, Livejournal has had a truly massive password breach, from 2014. If you had a livejournal before that, it is now possible to obtain a file that has all the passwords, in plaintext, with the usernames and emails they are associated with. More information at Squirrelitude's excellent post.
So it turns out I have fifteen livejournals. That's five more than you could figure out if you know the secret hack to finding "all" my livejournals1, so yeah, it turns out that for all that I am an *extraordinarily* public person, I have always been an intensely private person. I am a creature who loves hiding2, especially when I am in pain, but my "hiding" always has to have some degree of public to it or else it doesn't count.
The ones I put in my userinfo are kdsorceress, and sorcyress, and katarina_tales (for writing!), and kwhimsy (for professional work, I'm not sure there's anything in it), and sorspeakswords (for flailing!). I don't exactly recommend going back and reading any of them, not because I am ashamed, per se, but because the posts are all from very _very_ long ago. I have grown, since. There was also a journal, as alluded to recently, for the 101 in 1001 project!
The next "four" are for my denizens. Oh yes, Gabe and Alis had their own livejournals! And Zaphod did as well, and Hyde, and even rare little Gail, who exists more as a name for mental organization than an actual denizen. (yes, that makes five --it turns out Hyde refuses to be findable using the secret hack, which is excessively funny to me.)
And so we have four left.
One of them is sitting on a name, rolling it around in my head. Maybe it is wrong to squat like that, but the name is, to some extent, important to me. I don't wish to lose a chance to own it.
One of them is my sexblog, from college. Oh-ho, you didn't know I kept a sexblog, did you! Yeah, that's good, I never actually put enough work into it to make it worth reading, and I would be heinously embarrassed to go back and reread much of it now.
And two of them are...sad. Painful. Mental illness writ large, just...the screaming my brain does at me but rereadable, preserved. One of the two was clearly Known to someone I loved very dearly, I referred directly to them and even got comments back on some of the entries (anonymous, natch, but I know who it always must have been). The second is not even known to them, it's just a place for me to make the posts that I know better than to make public.
Or rather, they are public. But they're not _here_, and they never would be.
***
Most of all of this pre-dates 750words. Nowadays, I do still write terrifying painful things (there is ink in my veins, and it exists to be spilled) sometimes, because I still think terrifying painful things sometimes. I suspect that maybe I always will. I am getting better at managing my mental illness, my RSD, I am getting better at reaching out sometimes, at being honest, at communicating. But I am also very _very_ familiar with my brain as it is, and sometimes that brain is broken, and that's okay, I know how to cope with broken.
(The bells AGM was the last time things got _really_ bad, so not even a year. There's been small bads since, but the AGM was the last batch so bad I *remember*.)
So yes, when I write things Nowadays, I put them into 750words and then just don't publish them. Usually. Sometimes I do post them to dreamwidth but heavily filtered (that same person is still Known to me, after all), or post them, rarely, private. Sometimes I blow the dust off my BehindtheWalls file4 and post there instead. Most often I just leave them in 750words --I will find the words again someday, and I will send love back to myself.
But it is nice too, to have names for my selves. Compartmentalizing comes easy to me, it always has done. And it makes me wonder sometimes, what name would I call myself, if all the other ones stopped being okay?
***
As far as you know, I only have one dreamwidth. It does, after all, make the difference between access and reading so much better.
But it's nice to know that the option could be there again.
~Sor
MOOP!
PostScript: Consider this to be me explicitly revoking consent for you to intentionally go and try and find any of my journals or identities using this breach. Do not do that, I will not think better of you if I find out, and if you feel inclined to do something like that, I can find better friends to spend time on.
1: Which I'm not telling you because it was also the secret hack to finding "all" of someone else's journals, and that's that person's business.
2: Do you know the name of the only voice channel on my Discord server? Of course you don't! It's set with permissions such that I am the only person allowed in there! Why? Because I am crazy3, and the ways in which I manage that are sometimes very strange.
3: I use this non-pejoratively, but it is the correct word. Sometimes my brain works very very poorly, or oddly, and I am driven to do things that likely don't make sense to anyone else, but I can feel some sense of ritual around them that makes it work for me. Anyways, it's named for the place I go when I cry during bells, and that's enough said about that.
4: Melody, my new little machine, has version 4.0 sitting on her desktop, just quietly available should I need it. Keladry was 3.0, Vera was 2.1, Seren was 2.0, and Dmitri Alexander II had the first BehindtheWalls file, started in February of 2005 because things were _much_ and even if I wasn't posting in my journal, I still needed to write.
...holy fuck, I've been using the term "Behind the Walls" for literally half my life now. Dang. That is...a lot.
So it turns out I have fifteen livejournals. That's five more than you could figure out if you know the secret hack to finding "all" my livejournals1, so yeah, it turns out that for all that I am an *extraordinarily* public person, I have always been an intensely private person. I am a creature who loves hiding2, especially when I am in pain, but my "hiding" always has to have some degree of public to it or else it doesn't count.
The ones I put in my userinfo are kdsorceress, and sorcyress, and katarina_tales (for writing!), and kwhimsy (for professional work, I'm not sure there's anything in it), and sorspeakswords (for flailing!). I don't exactly recommend going back and reading any of them, not because I am ashamed, per se, but because the posts are all from very _very_ long ago. I have grown, since. There was also a journal, as alluded to recently, for the 101 in 1001 project!
The next "four" are for my denizens. Oh yes, Gabe and Alis had their own livejournals! And Zaphod did as well, and Hyde, and even rare little Gail, who exists more as a name for mental organization than an actual denizen. (yes, that makes five --it turns out Hyde refuses to be findable using the secret hack, which is excessively funny to me.)
And so we have four left.
One of them is sitting on a name, rolling it around in my head. Maybe it is wrong to squat like that, but the name is, to some extent, important to me. I don't wish to lose a chance to own it.
One of them is my sexblog, from college. Oh-ho, you didn't know I kept a sexblog, did you! Yeah, that's good, I never actually put enough work into it to make it worth reading, and I would be heinously embarrassed to go back and reread much of it now.
And two of them are...sad. Painful. Mental illness writ large, just...the screaming my brain does at me but rereadable, preserved. One of the two was clearly Known to someone I loved very dearly, I referred directly to them and even got comments back on some of the entries (anonymous, natch, but I know who it always must have been). The second is not even known to them, it's just a place for me to make the posts that I know better than to make public.
Or rather, they are public. But they're not _here_, and they never would be.
***
Most of all of this pre-dates 750words. Nowadays, I do still write terrifying painful things (there is ink in my veins, and it exists to be spilled) sometimes, because I still think terrifying painful things sometimes. I suspect that maybe I always will. I am getting better at managing my mental illness, my RSD, I am getting better at reaching out sometimes, at being honest, at communicating. But I am also very _very_ familiar with my brain as it is, and sometimes that brain is broken, and that's okay, I know how to cope with broken.
(The bells AGM was the last time things got _really_ bad, so not even a year. There's been small bads since, but the AGM was the last batch so bad I *remember*.)
So yes, when I write things Nowadays, I put them into 750words and then just don't publish them. Usually. Sometimes I do post them to dreamwidth but heavily filtered (that same person is still Known to me, after all), or post them, rarely, private. Sometimes I blow the dust off my BehindtheWalls file4 and post there instead. Most often I just leave them in 750words --I will find the words again someday, and I will send love back to myself.
But it is nice too, to have names for my selves. Compartmentalizing comes easy to me, it always has done. And it makes me wonder sometimes, what name would I call myself, if all the other ones stopped being okay?
***
As far as you know, I only have one dreamwidth. It does, after all, make the difference between access and reading so much better.
But it's nice to know that the option could be there again.
~Sor
MOOP!
PostScript: Consider this to be me explicitly revoking consent for you to intentionally go and try and find any of my journals or identities using this breach. Do not do that, I will not think better of you if I find out, and if you feel inclined to do something like that, I can find better friends to spend time on.
1: Which I'm not telling you because it was also the secret hack to finding "all" of someone else's journals, and that's that person's business.
2: Do you know the name of the only voice channel on my Discord server? Of course you don't! It's set with permissions such that I am the only person allowed in there! Why? Because I am crazy3, and the ways in which I manage that are sometimes very strange.
3: I use this non-pejoratively, but it is the correct word. Sometimes my brain works very very poorly, or oddly, and I am driven to do things that likely don't make sense to anyone else, but I can feel some sense of ritual around them that makes it work for me. Anyways, it's named for the place I go when I cry during bells, and that's enough said about that.
4: Melody, my new little machine, has version 4.0 sitting on her desktop, just quietly available should I need it. Keladry was 3.0, Vera was 2.1, Seren was 2.0, and Dmitri Alexander II had the first BehindtheWalls file, started in February of 2005 because things were _much_ and even if I wasn't posting in my journal, I still needed to write.
...holy fuck, I've been using the term "Behind the Walls" for literally half my life now. Dang. That is...a lot.