It wasn't your job to protect me, and it continues to not be. I am, unfortunately, an adult --an intelligent, well-behaved, well-raised one, but an adult nonetheless. I sure as hell want you around to bail me out when things go south, but I also need to be able to do things for myself.
I don't know that I ever did a good job of telling you, but so much of the tension from high school (middle school?) was that push for freedom, and independence. Everything in my life spirals into a search for freedom, and that's weird and complicated and means I shy away from perfectly rational things that I should not be so scared of (hello commitmentphobia). And I've only gotten better at managing it, and better at being caged, and back then...freedom meant a lot more. Especially freedom to make my own mistakes, and learn my own lessons. It means a lot that you never tried to stop me from it.
I love you so much, and constantly tell people how awesome you are. Even when you make me want to scream, I am the luckiest person I know, a hundred times over, just by having you in my life. Thank you.
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2011-10-12 09:26 pm (UTC)I don't know that I ever did a good job of telling you, but so much of the tension from high school (middle school?) was that push for freedom, and independence. Everything in my life spirals into a search for freedom, and that's weird and complicated and means I shy away from perfectly rational things that I should not be so scared of (hello commitmentphobia). And I've only gotten better at managing it, and better at being caged, and back then...freedom meant a lot more. Especially freedom to make my own mistakes, and learn my own lessons. It means a lot that you never tried to stop me from it.
I love you so much, and constantly tell people how awesome you are. Even when you make me want to scream, I am the luckiest person I know, a hundred times over, just by having you in my life. Thank you.
Love,
your silly, weepy, awesome
Daughter