i have sort of an opposite problem.. i am such an attention whore that i will goosh all over the closest person who'll let me.. IF, that is, i can convince myself that the person in question isn't bothered. Ironically, as i get closer and closer to the people around me, i get more concerned with this and worry and fret about "i shouldn't bother <fillintheblank> with this 'cause he/she's too busy doing important things" oslt.
Panic for me comes in different levels. There's sort of this overall anxiety that i carry around with me almost all of the time... And then there are the explosions where i am completely out of control like the spring that has been sprung and i fall to bits in my panic and don't think there is any way out of my situation, that i will *always* feel this way and there's just no hope other than to end it all, which i also cannot do so i feel all the more trapped and afraid and yeah.
The overall anxiety/stress thing is something that f!H can usually handle... she kicks in and takes my awareness away from things that cause me worry, if even only temporarily.
The other? Well, the last 3 times it happened in the past few years, W was there and did the best she could, but it's tricksy. i think she really did a fabulous job with the last time it happened (and not many people knew the full extent of it (though, you knew some of the outer edges) 'cause alot of it is so damned embarrassing that i keep rehashing the same old crap over & over again and it's all owing to Insecurity and doubting my own self-worth and being so needy on the people i love the most. (Most of whom are probly blissfully unaware of the level of the sheer pain i've been through) It's that panic that causes me to write elljay posts like the last few angsty emo ones .. 'cause i'm so very afraid most of the time and a lot of the time at a complete loss at how to make it stop.
i am glad that you are fine, though. That makes me feel happy inside. :)
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ninetydegrees
Man, this is babbly and incoherent...
on 2010-10-20 11:43 pm (UTC)Panic for me comes in different levels. There's sort of this overall anxiety that i carry around with me almost all of the time... And then there are the explosions where i am completely out of control like the spring that has been sprung and i fall to bits in my panic and don't think there is any way out of my situation, that i will *always* feel this way and there's just no hope other than to end it all, which i also cannot do so i feel all the more trapped and afraid and yeah.
The overall anxiety/stress thing is something that f!H can usually handle... she kicks in and takes my awareness away from things that cause me worry, if even only temporarily.
The other? Well, the last 3 times it happened in the past few years, W was there and did the best she could, but it's tricksy. i think she really did a fabulous job with the last time it happened (and not many people knew the full extent of it (though, you knew some of the outer edges) 'cause alot of it is so damned embarrassing that i keep rehashing the same old crap over & over again and it's all owing to Insecurity and doubting my own self-worth and being so needy on the people i love the most. (Most of whom are probly blissfully unaware of the level of the sheer pain i've been through) It's that panic that causes me to write elljay posts like the last few angsty emo ones .. 'cause i'm so very afraid most of the time and a lot of the time at a complete loss at how to make it stop.
i am glad that you are fine, though. That makes me feel happy inside. :)